Men's Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear ' the rules ' From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Micheal, Neither do big girls wear dresses much. I think we are lazy as you also need to wear nylons But I have to agree when I do wear a dress, I feel more feminen Jenny
Labour day is the cut-off day, as Easter is the start of wearing white shoes and white pants. As a child in Holland we would ask mom if we could wear our white shoes, (No white pants as we only wore dressen then) Mom would ask; "Have you seen others wearing white shoes yet?" "Oh yes" we would lie, "many" "Okay than you can too". The biggest crime you could commit was if you would be the first, that just was not done. The logic that someone, somewhere, had to start did not enter my mothers mind. Just don't ever be the first. How silly all this was. Viva la freedom................wave Jenny
Lindsay this I know for sure, when the trust is gone it is all over as there is nothing left as you can never trust again Sad I know but it happened to me and it is demoralizing to know you were not enought and this stupid remarke that boys will be boys, does not wash with me.............. Jenny
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often? ------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed. -----------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.." Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'" ------------------------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute." -------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?" -------------------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ' "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice? The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
Nah of course you would not get sued ha ha, get in line............ My cousin was soooo Catholic the her fiance was not allowed to even see her naked arm, she had to wear long sleeves. After she got married she could tell dirty jokes better that any one.............
An Italian Boy's Confession "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
That is one thing for sure Lingsay, Riz will never be able to make me feel guilty but he does make me feel pity, He has made up his mind and it is just a waste of time trying to make him see so I intend to let him stew in his own juice Some people have shown him proof but he only believes that he has proof so be it then.
No sense running my head against a brick wall is it
No Riz you stick with Obozo and hildebeest than you are in good hands okay? They are king and queen of the truth, (lol as they see it of course), so that is right up your alley.and that is what you like to believe. I say; "Go for it Riz .................. It is a waste of time to show you things as you have made up your mind a looooooog time ago
Too bad we can not show some die hearts, what life in the US would have been like had hildebeest won the election. Obozo and hildebeest what a team,.such an innocent pair. So looooooved the USA Give this a thought what do you think it would have been like?
Did you mean taking of your own coloured glasses Rez? So hilarious this coming from you but it was expected don't know what it takes for you to see the light
Me too Mercedes, always wanted to be a teacher of those little ones. Always asked for a blackboard when I was about ten years old. Collected a bunch of kids from the neighbourhoods and had them sit on our steps.
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly ..................
Ha ha Kaatje Don't you feel bad the ladies getting blamed again