A fart it is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song....
A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent , and deadly.
A fart might not smell, While others are vile, A fart may pass quickly, Or linger a while......
A fart can occur In a number of places, And leave everyone there, With strange looks on their faces. . From wide-open prairie, To small elevators, A fart will find all of Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad, Is simply not true- We must never forget.... Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? FROM ONE OLD FART (Brian) TO ANOTHER (Gordo and Brew)
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins On the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic Bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will Mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of Compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other Members of the family and social circle have been Known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial Wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for The dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle Around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow" "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? It's so easy to fool OLD people
'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than the a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
Totally agree with you Trucker ... why stress over what might happen in the future.
Watching my mother die from cancer, and watching my father's devotion to her ... future right now for my family and I, just means my mother will not be there. I do not care about 2012 and all the predictions the bible and so called experts are making.
Question for Trucker, do you ever get fed up with people who can't answer a question but just keep telling you to read the bible ??? ... JMO getting smug and just answering by telling a person to read a bible ... funny how the bible will not answer my question. It's an answer men (a human) could only answer ... not some book.
Suggestion ... if anyone wanted to know what love truly was, it would be watching my father do everything in his power for my mother. It might be awkward sometimes for him, but he holds her hand, talks to her, and kisses her as much as possible. He only allows himself to administer her medication because he wants to do everything he can for her. He barely leaves her. Not many people would do what he is doing and be there for their partner. My mother, as bad as it is right now, she still relaxes when she feels his hand in hers. If you ever wanted to know about relationships, it would be from watching my parents go through all the good and bad and still be holding hands, and before it got this bad, still giving each other a kiss, and looking at each other after 55 yrs of marriage with love for each other. My father has always leaned on my mother, but she is the one for once in her life, leaning on us but my father the most. No fairy tale but real life giving them a kick in the butt, but to still turn out like them, should be what all of us should wish for in a partner.
I never said the devil was a man I said ... and I quote...
My question was serious ... why are females blamed for the original sin when it was the devil/serpent ... who is referred to as a HE ... in the bible, who enticed, lied and tricked Eve in to committing the original sin but the HE (male) is not blamed for anything? Women are still paying for that original sin.
Most organized religions are run by males. Women are told the pain of child birth is to pay for the sins of Eve, and must suffer because of it. If a women is in child birth and in order to save the women or the baby, women are told the child must be saved, and the life of the mother given up ... to atone for the sins of Eve.
Churches (run by men) have decided a divorced woman is a piece of garbage and must never marry again (Catholic religion), even told by priests that " A divorced woman is another man's piece of garbage" ... but nothing is mentioned about men being garbage. MEN WROTE THE BIBLE ... not God!!!
WEE SCOTTISH BLONDE On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in Glasgow were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through". So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through". The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......." Then the power went off.. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice, that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied "Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time?"
Personally: The solstice will happen on that date, the shortest day in the northern hemisphere & longest in the southern ... people will be Christmas shopping and acting just as stupid as they did the year before.
Pole shift, Planet X, Galactic Alignment and all the rest of it is just unscientific garbage. 'New age of mental awareness' idiots gobble up and claim will take place, when in reality, things will carry on just as before.
Quoted from Terence McKenna
"That is a hard question to answer, as the theory itself essentially claims that such an event would involve everything possible happening all at once. If his theory is accurate the world as we know it, hell the Universe as we know it, would be radically and fundamentally altered. But there is good news, according to Timewave Zero, the period after would be an “Age of Peace.” Furthermore, it is highly unlikely that if such a cosmic shift did occur that anybody would be particularly bothered by it. Everything, existence itself, would be fundamentally changed by the event. Concerns about anarchistic post-apocalyptic survival would not only be unnecessary but irrelevant."
We were told to expect the worst when 2001 happened. Remember all the panic about systems crashing, banks going to be having major problems, national defense, etc? After all the panic being pushed through the news, and religious types and new age gurus ... did you witness or experience any big disasters because of it?
You might find this one a little special and a little different. It's not full of pictures, but a narrative that might make you reflect about the year you were be born.
This is neat, a little long, but well worth the read, hope you enjoy it!!!
CONGRATULATIONS KIDDO!!!!!!!!!! From Brian and I. I hope it will be the best job. It's about time you got a break in the Job area.
Hope the man child will be alright. Unfortunately I listen to the teens on my bus, and often wonder about their reality ... it's scary how some of them talk, and get each other to join them in their weirdness. I'm not talking the innocent stuff, just the stuff that does them more damage.
Your man has been great being there for you and your son. It's an amazing thing when you can find such a partner.
Take care and best of wishes in the New Year.
YES Trucker,and Brew should join us all in Whitehorse for a hell of a good cup of coffee, or at least a drink and supper. :-D
When I read this, it made me think of this thread ...
Fable of the porcupine It was the coldest winter ever. - Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better....
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.
One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded. Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said the fine example of southern womanhood, "What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did!"
Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got into his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.
He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, "Ahhh... Mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible love making imaginable, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, 'What the hell have I done?'
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing, what ever are you going to tell your Sunday School Class?"
The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them, 'You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time'...."
KHD shows Trucker the new extra large frying pan she got ... wonders if it will do any good for Brew's head... You are very welcome to use it Trucker with my best wishes.
I just watched the movie "Winter's Bone".... it was not some big block buster movie, but it was one of the best movies I have seen in quite some time. The young teen star is fantastic and the man who plays her uncle were superb ...
If you like a movie with a great story, great acting, not filled with special affects, chase scenes or disaster FX's, check it out.
I had a list of standards, but to be honest, I did find someone that has those standards, I just did not anticipate it would be someone like the person I am with.
JMO, if the standards are unrealistic, it won't happen, but you never know where you will find that person. My standards had to do with not having the red flags I looked for that warns me that a person is not the right one. Did I imagine my partner would come in the size he did???.... no, but I keep saying I love hugging teddy bears ... I found a great person, who has the patience, and has been there for my family (parents) while we are going through a very rough time.
Neither one of us is perfect but I always wondered if I made my expectations of what I wanted, what kind of expectations the other person made.
We got Mom through her last Christmas, and it was a good one. Tomorrow is Mom's and Dad's 55th wedding anniversary. I was teasing Mom and telling her that 55 yrs ago,it was the night before she was married, she was a nervous bride to be, saying to herself she did not want to get married. I told her it must have been a good match, plastic flowers and all, because Dad was so devoted to her. (before he was married, he did not have much money, but would buy her plastic flowers because that was all he could afford... he was embarrassed that they were plastic, but wanted to buy her flowers, so he did the best he could because the real ones were something he could not afford.) Now he buys a bouquet of real coronations every week for her. She loves them.
I am very happy for my parents how this Christmas has past for Mom. She was able to get up, played cards in bed with us, then visited in the kitchen to sit for a few minutes, and was able to eat a bit more than she normally does. She will be extra tired tomorrow because of it, but I have a feeling it was well worth it for her. We took photos of us playing cards on the bed with her. Everyone was so funny and she was laughing.
I know my father and I would love to have Mom around for New Years. We are very hopeful she will be here to celebrate the New Year.
I got to know my brother's fiancee more, and she is a wonderful lady. I think he is lucky to have such a wonderful lady like her in his life.
Brian did not make it home, but is supposed to arrive home tomorrow. I could complain, but he has not been home due to work during Christmas. Most important part, is he gets home safe. We can make our own family Christmas any day we want. More relaxed doing this way too. He has phoned Mom and Dad every day he could get phone service. Him and my Dad love to joke and get into trouble with my mother and my aunt.
It was great finally celebrating a Christmas with one of my relatives from Ireland. It was very special for my Mother to have one of her family members here.
I feel one of my best gifts, was a kiss and hug from someone who finds it hard to do so, and he did it. My little sister laughing and making it difficult to do up her jacket or throwing off her hat when I put it on her. Best was my Mom's smile and my dad not being as worried as he as been for quite some time. The meal was perfect and we did not cook as much as usual, and that left less leftovers to be stored or eaten up.
It was a fantastic Christmas and I am feeling so happy about how it turned out.
Best of wishes to everyone, have fun, be safe, and if you are brave (or stupid)enough to go Boxing Day shopping,.... YOU MUST BE NUTS!!!!
KHD100 Forum Posts (2,495)
For Gordo, Brew, and Geo... from Bri
What is a fart?A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song....
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget....
Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
FROM ONE OLD FART (Brian) TO ANOTHER (Gordo and Brew)