RE: Covert Narcissism —

I once worked with someone who I perceived as having malignant narcissistic traits.

It strikes me there's a lot of media fueled melodrama surrounding this subject.

I didn't like him, but I didn't consider him evil, either. I had to maintain a professional relationship with him, but I wasn't obliged to have a personal relationship with him.

He appeared to have something(s) missing which affected his personal relationships. His empathy was centred around his own needs and didn't extend to others in any genuine, or meaningful way.

He appeared to be aware he was missing something at times, but the nature of having it missing meant he couldn't grasp what it was. This appeared to cause him some confusion and distress.

His coping strategy appeared to be the construction of a personality and life history for himself. It was false and inconsistent and gave the impression that he was a liar. I don't think lying was his primary goal, however. He appeared to be trying to make sense of his world, to fit in and gain approval. He had both a low self-esteem which need bolstering and an over-inflated self-esteem out of proportion with his actual achievements. It was as if he couldn't gauge anything interpersonal.

My knee jerk reaction to him was hostility as he could be quote nasty, but I had to engage with him as a colleague. I constantly tried to remind myself that to a large extent he couldn't help being a horrible person. I found socially engaging with him in snippets on neutral subjects (the weather, colour perception, spelling) the best way to negotiate the social difficulties.

I was careful not to give away personal details which he might use, but even then, things I said often would get absorbed into his personality almost to the point where he had my childbirth experience. It is difficult to gauge where the boundaries should be with someone so out of kilter with social norms.

I found him a rather sad creature, but I was rather relieved when I no longer had to work with him.

RE: Is there such a thing as healthy jealousy in a loving relationship or does it just cause conflict?

Jealousy is an emotion and as such is neither healthy, nor unhealthy. It's an experience.

What you do with experiencing that emotion is where the healthy, or unhealthy bit comes in.

It's healthy to be able to recognise we are experiencing an emotion and to be able to identify it accurately. Once identified, it's healthy to be able to express the existence of that emotion and identify its source.

It's unhealthy to be unaware of our own emotions, misidentify the emotion, or misidentify the source. So, in experiencing jealousy, if we express anger and demand our partner changes their own ordinary behaviour (chatting to customers, service providers, friends, saying hello to people) we are not recognising our own emotions and psyche behind them. We are forcing our partner into relieving our uncomfortable feelings with unrealistic expectations of their behaviour.

RE: What's up with Jeremy Corbyn

What's your source, Miwagi?

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

It's a misquote from Lord of the Rings, Harbal.

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

It's a misquote from Lord of the Rings, Harbal.

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

I really don't like the sound of my carrots raw and wriggling, Harbal.

Just sayin'.

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

John Paul II was the Pope.

Given that proportionally to the rest of the world's population there aren't all that many popes, I'd agree with you that he was extraordinary.

Unfortunately, I can't watch the video, but I'm not sure extraordinariness is necessarily a positive thing in all instances.

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

I'm struggling a little more with Hovis f*ck up Dvorac's New World symphony for the masses, to be honest, but as I've just bought a combi microwave (I'm moving, facilities will be primitive for a while), I may take you up on your offer of advice.

Cheers, Harbal. Much appreciated. wine

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

I thought Hovis was wholemeal, Harbal.

Either way, I find all the additives (particularly the mould inhibitors) fairly unforgivable on many levels.

I don't feel the need to come to terms with that, other than I'm looking forward to the arrival of my new oven. grin

RE: Pickle Craving During Pregnancy

I can't watch the vids, but I can give you an insight into the big balls.

My friend is an ante-natal teacher. Her house and/or car is filled with plastic pelvises and big balls.

They're birthing balls. If you sit on them it not only relieves pressure pain, but you can gently rotate your hips to ease the birth process. It can help rotate the baby into the right position.

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

I wouldn't entirely say f*ck the other person, Harbal.

Say if someone steals my last piece of bread: I might feel anger and resentment which takes up energy. That might be useful energy that I can use to survive.

On the other hand it might drain me and inhibit survival. In order to get beyond the anger and resentment, I might question why that person stole my last piece of bread. If I then empathise with that person's position, recognise they were hungry, afraid to ask in case I didn't share, had never known generosity, whatever, then my anger is likely to dissipate.

The thief may be long gone with my crust of Hovis, or dead. They will likely be oblivious to the machinations of my psyche, but in empathising with their position, I haven't entirely taken the f*ck you stance, either.

For me, the f*ck you attitude still holds some unresolved anger and resentment. For me, a turning point in resolution is when I can wish the thief well, hope they survive as they want to and wish them a better life with more love and sharing experience.

I might still have some of my own shit to sort out, like a fear of loss, but with the primary anger dissipated, I have the space to work on that.

Now, if the thief were to come back and apologise, I have something more to offer in return than a blast of rage. They may get to experience my forgiveness...and that might be especially handy if they happen to have a load tucked under their arm by way of a peace offering. grin

RE: Pope John Paul II taught me how too forgive

Forgiveness is something you take for yourself, not something you bestow on someone else.

It's self-empowment, not a power anybody has over anybody else.

RE: Pickle Craving During Pregnancy

I don't recall having a pickle craving when I was pregnant.

I recall 9 months of morning sickness and being grateful if I could face eating anything and hold it down.

My mum had a craving for the smell of tar, and apparently followed council workers around who were laying tarmacadam.

RE: Do you live on a strict spending budget?

What's that huffing and puffing noise I can hear?

Maybe it's all the scammers getting a hard on about the potential financial revelations on this thread.

RE: .....clothes, clothes and more clothes......anybody want some ?

It's not how you acquire respect, it's how you offer it that's important.

RE: .....clothes, clothes and more clothes......anybody want some ?

It's not about trying to such up to people.

It's about trying to treat others with just a little respect.

RE: .....clothes, clothes and more clothes......anybody want some ?

I buy my clothes second hand.

I'm not finding this thread objectionable on the grounds of snobbery.

I object to it on the grounds of its lack of tact, lack of grace, it's lack of understanding of social issues and social iniquities.

RE: You're an Animal

Eats, shoots and leaves...? laugh

RE: You're an Animal

I'm a little confused, John.

Do you charge, or pay?

RE: You're an Animal

I'm a little confused, John.

Do you charge, or pay?

RE: You're an Animal

I think you might get mail from the bdsm types, John, asking about breeding in captivity.

RE: You're an Animal

Have you ever tried wagging your tail like a dog?

That seems to go down well with everybody. laugh

RE: Quotes that made you laugh or smile

In his novel The End of Vandalism, Tom Dury describes Louise's reaction to her car breaking down:

'She had got down on her hands and knees and looked, but this hadn't fixed it.'

RE: You're an Animal

I've spent way too much time with dogs.

I like going for walks, eating and sleeping. My sense of smell is so keen I sniff instead of checking use by dates. When I get stressed, I moult.

I don't make friends like they do though.

RE: When someone asks u to listen to a love song ?

If someone asked me to listen to a love song, I'd tell them the battery in my hearing aid just died.

Seriously.

RE: When someone asks u to listen to a love song ?

If someone asked me to listen to a love song, I'd tell them the battery in my hearing aid just died.

Seriously.

RE: What´s happened to Lookin?

A stylus, that's it. laugh

This is a list of forum posts created by jac_the_gripper.

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