Ambrose2007 Forum Posts (8,881)

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

I think it's highly unlikely that if your partner feels she superior to you that it's true, because that feeling isn't something that comes from either fairness or self-esteem, in my view.

But let's say one's belief in being superior is justified. Then your partner (or you) must account for why they've chosen to stay with someone they regard as contemptible/inferior. What good reason could there be for that?

It's one thing for a partner to be dissatisfied with a behavior - and that dissatisfaction providing an impetus for you to change - but that's quite different from treating them with contempt, no?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

One important thing I've learned is that when your partner considers you to be morally and psychologically inferior - regardless of his or her reasons - you are in a toxic relationship. If, for example, the response to "Your personality reminds me of mine" is: "That's insulting," you ought to run, not walk, to the nearest relationship exit. (Hint: Someone trying to build themselves up by making you feel inferior has just proven the falsity of their claim.)

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Amen to the bolded part, Arose - as well as to the part about friendship. That's a treasured part of my former relationship that I miss hugely.

You can fool yourself that it's your role to hold up the relationship - that you can somehow make up for the fact that your partner does not wish to equally support it. They may even argue that you cause more of the problems and therefore bear more of the "maintenance" responsibility.

None of that matters. Both parties are *equally* responsible, no matter what. When that's no longer the case, you're no longer in a true relationship.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Thanks, KC. I found it sorta depressing, actually... but I appreciate the thought. I think your just showing up brightens the thread. I know the Banished Lady thinks so, too.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

I thought about "transparency," and that's why I changed my profile to more accurately reflect my current situation (I'm not looking because I've recently broken up with someone I'm still in love with, and need time to recover from that).

It was hard to write that, but it seems unfair to be on a singles lists without something resembling full disclosure. I also wanted to deny this emotional truth at first by pretending to be single and "fancy free." It's not easy to admit you still have feelings - and haven't recovered from - someone who rejected you.

I made the mistake once of not resolving my feelings for another person - as well as being with someone who had also not resolved her feeling for a former lover - and that's not something I'd ever wish to foist on someone again.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Well, sometimes it's hard to judge someone's tone through a post or email. I thought you sounded rather hostile, but that was merely my reading of it. I certainly value anyone who's straightforward and honest with their opinions. Thanks for clarifying your point of view.

The books I've read were all authored by happily married therapists - most of them married long-term. The helps their credibility with me.

I'm not sure we can always use our family or parents as guides in love. True, most if not all of my immediate family has never looked at even the jacket of a book on psychology or self-help, and most of them have been happily married for decades. I'm not sure they'd benefit from such books.

I can think of many couples, however, who've been together for long periods and probably could improve their relationship with some kind of counseling.

Self-help books don't work for most people not because they lack helpful truths so much as their readers lack the motivation or interest to pursue those truths.

Remember that nearly half of all marriages fail. The number for failed relationships is much higher than that. So I think it reasonable to believe that a lot of these people could stand some help. That's what books and therapists are for, I'd say.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Let's just keep it "philosophically naked," Al, and I think we'll be okay.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Thanks, Al. I was about to finally go purchase some body armor and guns, so you saved me some serious cash!

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Yes, deep down in the sea indeed. I hope there's still some space available down there (sounds better than an abyss, I'm thinking).

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Well, that's another great challenge: giving yourself a chance to heal and resolve your feelings toward your former lover/friend before beginning a new relationship - especially when you are hurting so much and incredibly lonely because of the gaping hole their absence has left in your life.

I know that will be my greatest challenge. It's especially hard when you aren't granted closure by the other party.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Yeah, well, you could've said it's about as easy as making money as being a professional musician.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Using your head is perhaps the ultimate challenge during the "Honeymoon Phase" of a romantic relationship. Sometimes the truth is standing in front of your nose - perhaps beating on it! - but you can still choose not to see it.

I'm glad you were able to see through the facade. Not everyone is able to do that.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Now if you could've written trashy romance novels set in Germany dated in the past he might've been impressed.

I'm an old hand. But it would be new for me to make money.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Yes to both questions.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Heh. Well, that's kinda deep, I have to say (the one in my tub is on the small side...)

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Well, this is puzzling. You've been taking potshots at me for the last couple of days along the lines of the above. Now I could understand this if this were your original response, but it wasn't. On the contrary, you provided a lot of personal info and acted quite congenially. Then, seemingly out of the blue, you start with the potshots.

So my question is to you is: Why did your attitude change? Why did you go from being friendly to critical? Was it something I or someone else said? Or...?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Hi, Eag. The upside is that I did continue to function by writing a novel. Downside: the novel is about breaking up ("My Most Miserable Life Experience").

Seriously, I've been far more productive creatively in the last several months of my "banishment" (my ex refused to see me during this period) than probably the previous three years. So that does count for something, no?

Anyway, I think you're onto something there, Eag. Thanks for your thoughts.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Sure you couldn't use something stronger, V?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

But if you're rich...? (Could you enjoy false love longer than a poor person could enjoy true love?)

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

When does "false love" end?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Maybe it explains it...?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Ah, what a girly-man!



Hi, F! Thanks for joining the...uh...party?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Ah, that explains it!

Seriously, I respect anyone who speaks more than one language. Hell, I even respect anyone who can speak one language - well.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Well, hell, I do arm-wrestle women from time to time just to reassert my masculinity! (Though I'm not sure how convincing that is, given that I'm usually sobbing like a little girl by the time I do that

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Well, if you aren't you're doing a damn good job of fooling me (besides, on CS one way to detect the "native speakers" is to look for all manner of misspellings and grammar-errors. But god, don't get me started on that!)

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

LOL. I think you may be thinking of a particular kind of "wood," AL?

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Heh. Just noticed your bolded "some." Nice one, L.

What Have You Learned From Past Relationships, And Will That Knowledge Help In The Future?

Right. Understood. And I think this might point to a general truth, namely, that women just plain think more about relationships than men do. God, that has certainly been my experience. And that has a LOT to do with why I like having "girlfriends." With very rare exceptions, men just aren't comfortable talking or thinking a lot about this subject.