Ambrose2007 Forum Posts (8,881)

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

First, I'm really happy for you, Sass. Who deserves this more than you?

"Sometimes you just have to trust." Truer and more applicable words in this case have never been spoken.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Some "peach" might not be so bad, Monte!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Good advice, D. By the way, what don't you like about the photo?

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks, KC, though this threat was never intended to be about "sides."

Better read fast, my friend, because I have asked THE MODS to remove this thread.

In a way, I regret this because of the many moving and insightful posts that people have gone through some considerable effort to write, but...well, there is one person's whose feelings trump all that.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

I have asked the MODS to eliminate this thread. It was a mistake, for the reasons you've listed, Dobe.

I didn't intend this to be a "gg and ambrose" breakup thread. I intended it to be about how people handle the loss of their relationships. That didn't prove to be possible, however - and in large part because I couldn't seem to avoid expressing my own hurt to the detriment of another's feelings.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Hi, Morgie. Yeah, what choice do we have about that, really, eh?

So what have you concluded from your experiences in love? Is it worth it? Are you still "on the prowl," as it were?

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks, Snicks.

Lovers and Leavers...kind of like a variation of "Committers and Non-Committers" or "Intimacy-Seekers vs. Intimacy Avoiders"...?

I know another pairing: Relationship Nurturers vs. Relationship Play-it-by-Earers (for lack of a better term...god, there has to be something better than that!).

The Relationship Nurturer is always looking for ways to resolve issues and solve problems and improve difficult situations. He or she may be a tad obsessive about constantly analyzing the relationship in order to accomplish these things. The Relationship Nurturer is not satisfied with leaving things unresolved or questions unanswered. The RN may have a tendency to appear to be focusing on negatives because, of course, it's the negative things that are in need of repair (in his or her eyes).

The Relationship Play It By Earer (RPE?) is more content to let things slide with a minimum of discussion. She or he may seem to be more content with things. They find constant discussion about "our issues," etc., to be stressful, tiresome, and not even particularly productive.

I'm going to give you exactly one guess as to what I and GG are, Al. Good luck.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

At least you look a little more friendly in that blond wig, Z.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Hey, my hair's still blond...what there's left of it. Or maybe you meant my wig? I may have to put it on today to cheer myself up a little...

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

I was thinking of getting a new name AND a new hairstyle. But that's just me.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

I know, Zell - I have indeed been a bad boy.

I'm just thankful you weren't wearing that damn witch's hat of yours when you wrote that. (I'd feel cursed or something!)

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks for that, L. Yes, I firmly believe there is still a whole lotta buried treasure - not even buried that deep - for us to uncover...if we dig together.

The book's on the way!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks, Langley. I'll check that book out. Surprised that I missed it, considering all the psychology-relationship books I've been reading over the last few months.

I have accumulated all manner of helpful and insightful advice from my readings - more than enough, I believe, to solve our issues. But ultimately that doesn't matter if I'm the only willing to do the work. There must be a mutual commitment to do that. If The Five Love Languages contains some method of being persuasive on that score, that's what I need. Nothing can go forward without a foundational commitment from both parties.

I love Imago Theory, because it's so damn optimistic. The authors, both psychologists/therapists, argue that there are basic reasons why couples develop problems and that, with the proper tools and motivation, they can almost always be overcome - and with surprising speed! This is a review of that theory that I wrote:

It's like having the Manual to Solve (almost) All Relationship Problems and not being able to get your significant other to even look at it!

Heh. Sorry. Venting again. But I know you understand.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

ithinkido.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

There's this gorgeous song by the brilliant Imogen Heap called "CANVAS." These lyrics really speak to me (and beautifully summarize that one person cannot sustain a relationship):

'Cuz I just can't find the strength to pull you up
And keep you taut



And it was filmed in Canada, too!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

I wouldn't Dream of it. And good for you.

I think you stated the situation very well. In your circumstance, I think the responsibility is to get the hell out of Dodge.

I hope you ended up in a place rather more hospitable.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

To me, the last few months have been like a slow-motion train wreck (reminds me of that Denzel Washington movie where some training carrying toxic waste inadvertently takes off and keeps gathering momentum until it's nearly impossible to stop ). It started off slowly, and I thought I could stop it...but there was just too much mass. It kept building momentum and speed, and nothing I could do seemed to slow it down. The crash became inevitable.

That's when I decided it was best that I get off.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

DO you think in your case, Dreamy, that it was a "two-way" street - with him hitting you and all?

But I've been advocating the notion for years here and elsewhere that both parties bear responsibility for shaping their relationship, so in principle I agree. The counterclaim I've heard is that in some relationships the fault is not equal, which I'm sure is true. My favorite saying in that regard is: "Each person is responsible what he or she is responsible for."

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Hi, Langley. Thanks for chiming in with your own experience and feelings about it.

I would find it awfully hard if not downright impossible to feel closure if I had no explanation for being dumped.

To a degree, I don't understand some of the reasoning/thoughts behind her actions, but I think I have a good basic understanding of them. The things she's done are unthinkable for me...but then the things I've done are no doubt equally unthinkable to her.

My problem is that I remain absolutely convinced with with teamwork and resolve we could have a great life together. That's what makes this so crazily painful. I keep thinking if I could just say the rights words - offer a more convincing argument - that she would see that this is true. But after thousands of hours of conversation where I attempted to do that - and countless emails, etc. - I guess I must face the fact that no such words exit. Maybe I should hire a gypsy to brew me a GG love spell or something?

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks, Liebe. Actually I just did a whole bunch of chinups (wearing 40 lbs. worth of weight) - and strangely, it did help!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

How many marriages have you been through, Dreamy (if you don't mind my asking...it's all for scientific purposes, I assure you!)?

I'm just wondering what it takes to finally convince people to give up on marriage and/or romantic relationships.

It's unthinkable to me to do that...and yet I cannot imagine ever being able to endure this kind of pain again. I ain't getting any younger or stronger, you know?

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

My god, G, I had no idea it could be this easy!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Then I'll be sure to listen!

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Oh, no doubt I have failed to hear "her words" on occasion, but I don't believe I would ever rest until I did.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

You didn't specify whether it was the "quitter's club" or the "2 Loves Only," but in any case, I'm glad to have you aboard - the latter club, anyhow. I'm not sure about the quitting thing yet. My old body seems to have a lot of...well, something...left in it that might possibly go to waste...?

Anyhow, time will tell. Sometimes it's just better to live in the moment, or so I've heard. Today I might actually agree with that.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Yeah, I'm so manly that I'm probably the only guy with a hundred square miles who doesn't own any kind of firearm. When I hunt, I go "all natural" - just me, my stiletto high-heel boots, and a case of Budweiser Lite (to save on the shoulders!). When I see my prey, I either lure 'em in with the beer or spike 'em with a well-placed toss of a stiletto boot.

Yeah, I do think of the negatives now, though that goes against my nature. I have these dreams where we argue and argue, but it seems that she never hears my words...

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

My best friend suggests I use NLP techniques to make myself loathe the person I've come to love with all my heart. It's almost tempting...but I think I'll pass on that one. I prefer to focus on all the beautiful memories (and there are many!), but perhaps not right now.

Right now I'm following Jonno the British Columbian's advice: lose myself in creativity. I'm working so hard now that I'm in danger of burning out, though.

Time will tell, as someone once told me.

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

How many relationships did it take for you to reach that point, Lucy?

The Goodbye Thread: How you Know, What you Feel, and What you Do, when it's Over

Thanks, Nik! I imagine I'll keep hanging out...