Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative b) Preliminary c) Proliferation d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity b) British Constitution c) Passive-aggressive disorder d) Transubstantiate
Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you. b) Nope, no more booze for me. c) Sorry, but you're not really my type. d) No kebab for me, thank you. e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? f) I'm not interested in fighting you. g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing. h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
After a hard day at the office, three guys decide to go out for a cocktail to wind down.
The bar becomes very crowded, a few drinks turns into many and soon everyone is tanked.
All three lose track of each other and end up going home separately.
The next day at the office, the three gather by the watercooler to discuss the past evenings events.
The first guy says, "I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy pipes in, "That's nothing. I got so drunk that I got in my car and drove it right into a telephone pole. Totaled it. I didn't get hurt but now I have no car."
The third guy says, "Well, I got so drunk that when I got home, I cussed my girlfriend out and knocked over a candle which lit the apartment on fire. She dumped me, all my belongings are destroyed and the home insurance won't cover the damage."
The first guy motions the two to come closer and whispers, "I'm not sure you understand. Chunks is my dog."
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?
Jonathan Powell
To: Mr. Powell
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPSs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative b) Preliminary c) Proliferation d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity b) British Constitution c) Passive-aggressive disorder d) Transubstantiate
Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you. b) Nope, no more booze for me. c) Sorry, but you're not really my type. d) No kebab for me, thank you. e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? f) I'm not interested in fighting you. g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing. h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool. i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that." the man replied, "Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener."
The man was really sobbing now, "I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison ..."
She came to me I thought i found her The girl of all my dreams And until then I did not know what Happiness could bring
We laughed we cried side by side The summers turned to years But winter came the skies have grayed From happiness to tears
She said she would never leave me Never let me go But now she's left with me this feeling So sad and so alone
She went away I tried to find her I cried aloud her name I realized it was goodbye The heartache and the pain
Why did she go away and leave me with the heartache Why did she leave me with the pain If I could tell her so I'd tell her that I love her And all my dreams have gone away
If you could feel the way I feel about you Hear the things I say If you could see the way I am without you
You're always there, in my dreams, and I'm wonderfully weak, savoring each of your moist kisses. My desire only heightens as your lips press against every inch of my flesh... except for that one spot, which I won't tell you about now. And I only ask that you'll touch me there later.
Firefighter_68 Forum Posts (347)
wow sorry
wow
what is multitask
shfieoosnnfhhu? jksfjieijkaks??
bump