A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.'
'What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He inquired further, 'But, who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
he sounds way to desperate to me, i would advise extra caution. if you decide to meet with him DO NOT invite him to where you live. meet for coffee in a VERY public place of equal distance from both of you, & have a friend with you, if he gets upset about your having a friend along that should be a RED FLAG warning.
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids, each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cup cakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails manicured and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7 :00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.
When my now 40 yr old son was 5 yrs old, I had to fill in at my job (I was a bartender & normally worked nights) for a couple of hours on a Saturday (regular girl was returning from out of town & running late) & I couldn't get a sitter so my boss said I could bring him in with me. The place was quiet, only 6-7 customers (all men), & a commercial for tampons came on the tv & my ever curious son asked in a loud voice "Mommy what's a tampon?" Well, I wanted to die or at least crawl into the beer cooler. I gave him a couple of quarters for the pinball machine & said I would explain later, of course he forgot about it, but the customers teased me about it for several days afterward & told all the other 'regulars'.
If you are an "easy going, laid back person who likes to enjoy life" why do you have such an angry, mean look on your face? Try posting a pic that goes with the words you wrote.
To the best of my limited knowledge this is the only planet capable of sustaining human life, so I must be on the right planet. As for my reason/purpose for being here??? Haven't figured that out yet! !
Scottishlass Forum Posts (3,324)
Hi Wolftrap, 
pleased to meet you 
lovely
The Funeral
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A long black hearse followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.'
'What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He inquired further, 'But, who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
'Get in line.'