wisenhimer05 Forum Posts (13)

RE: why are men like computer

OXYMORON'S

EXCELLENT !!!


MICROSOFT WORKS




Jon

ATTORNEYS – Your chance to get even!

Seeing that you are of the legal profession and very attractive at that, i am Sooooooooooo glad that you have a sense of humor!



Jon

ATTORNEYS – Your chance to get even!

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Philly cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Philly. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Philly cop's expense. The cop says,' License and registration, please.' 'What for?' says the lawyer. The cop says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.' Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.' 'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the cop. License and registration, please.' The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
' The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!' the cop says. Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.' 'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the cop says. At this point, the cop takes out his billy club and starts beating the ever-loving sh-t out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?



Jon

RE: signs your getting old.

I swear! i would take my Gincobaloba every day, but damn, i keep forgetting where the h-ll i put it!



Jon

ATTORNEYS – Your chance to get even!

Did you hear about the engineer who died in London? He went to see peter at the pearly gates and peter sent him to hell! God came by a bit later and asked peter what happened to the engineer. Peter replied, I sent him to hell. God said, there has been a mistake, get Satan on the phone. Peter got Satan on the phone and God said to Satan, you have my engineer? Satan said yes, and we now have air conditioning, cell phones, elevators, Etc… Improvements all the time! God said, theirs been a mistake, Send him back up to heaven immediately. Satan said, no way! God said, if you don’t, I’m gonna sue you. Satan said, that’s OK; but, where are you going to find a lawyer?



Jon

OXYMORON'S

So far their all good. but this one is GREAT!

Love just about all music; however, when it comes to RAP, this about covers it:

OK then, let's continue...

QUIET RIOT



Jon

OXYMORON'S

Military Intelligence




Jon

RE: This or That

Man did this blog ever get derailed! i thought for sure you were gonna pick the bannana! well, my job here is done. very amusing!



Jon

RE: Why would Santa not be coming this year!

Rudolf flight 757 heavy cleard to depart North Pole International via radar vectors. maintain runway heady 290 until VXV. expect fligh level 350 10 minuets after departure. departure frequency 125.10. squak 3201.

were getting of early tonight, so no go arounds or missed approach's or aborted take off's...


Jon

RE: This or That

In response to restraints or not: restraints!

Hoods or Gags

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY:

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY :

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . Give this to someone to make them smile. Its called therapy.




Jon

RE: * 5 truths *

Guess i'm the only one who didn't do it!

Here are a few more things you might be able to get idiots to do:

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY :

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . Give this to someone to make them smile. Its called therapy.

Jon