I was swimming this afternoon and was thinking about the other thread, so I can say I am damn pleased that you have started this one... It makes me think of Captain and how he would have loved a child, something I cannot give him, but I have some he can share and plough some love into which he does... As they do him, he started this daft blog for the kids to add to and they do and often they say 'he has not written on the blog, tell him to write some stuff for us' and he makes them feel important, loved, gives them attention, makes them laugh with his zany humour, he takes that time out, from me to give that to them.
I come back to Rodders profound post, because it is something that I believe in, that we show our children through our behaviours how we love, if we cannot love as adults, how the hell are they to have happy, fulfilled balanced relationships? If we just walk away? With the view that, 'another partner will be along, but you kids will always be here'
Then I think of my father, who gave me enough love for a mother as well as a father, he had to make a choice, he had to put his children first as they were neglected, which we were at that time.
But that was not because he was choosing his children over their mother, it was because he wanted to remove the burden so that she had a shot at becoming well so that she could be a mother.
And to me, that is what makes also a special man, he took his children to take care of them, so that their mother, his wife could have a chance at being a mum, I say that is pretty big love going on there... Even if she could not become that mother.
Actually, when my son was born, my ex husband said he saw me in a different way. He was very involved with our son, at the tender age of 20, right from the word go. But to come back to his words, when my eldest was ten days old, I asked him how he was feeling and he said he loved me much more as a mother than he did as the single girl he had met.
He went on to say, that he found me fascinating when I was pregnant, the curves, (I was a skinny miss) the way I looked softer and that I was much nicer to him and made him feel more important to him, because I was carrying his child. Did I feel second place? No. My heart lurched with love, because then I knew that this was the right move for us, even though he was unplanned and it made me see my husband in a different light. Our son blended into our lives and my husband remained uppermost in that unit of the three of us...
Their needs were different, my son needed his mother and when that time was done, my husband needed his wife, when he was out working (do remember this is all prior to the spectacular end of our marriage) to provide for his wife and his child, our son did not move up in his love ranks, the whole unit became something that he knew he had to work for to keep us healthy, warm and a roof over our heads.
I gave him what ultimately made me forgive him, his children and in that, now 21 years later with his new partner and his new child, he has never forgotten that I gave him his hearts desire and that was his children and that in his mind makes me still, even though we are divorced and our daughter gets married next year, up there as a person that he loves very much indeed.
I don't think anywhere that I have suggested that any answer is wrong.
Hard to put into words what one feels for our children, I know I cannot manage it, words are never enough.
And often, I have to repeat myself in these debates, to say this is I. How I see it and I see it as this, no parent who is devoid of any intelligence or love for their children would ever walk away for any partner, no parent.
And if one is in a committed relationship, then they will do what they can to keep all happy.
Pat asked a valid question, I answered him.
We could take this further, what I sacrificed for my children, I would never type here, because I see that people would never be able to handle it, so to be blunt, I do see that people just answer the question and that is it, a simple no.
But I will not, for the simple reason as Ambrose stated which I agree with, CS is not the place to be asking and discussing such a question.
People have and often do only see the parts of a discussion that outrage them, that makes their hair stand on ends, this is clear from Col's response.
And my children, as I was, have been raised to understand love and love is not about sacrifice, as I see it, love is about being a part of something where every person feels loved and is not placed in second place for any person.
In layman's language, there is room in my heart for all...
Actually my daughter's stepmother called me and said that she was happy to take a back seat at the wedding, which I told her not to be so ridculous, she is part of the family now, and her little boy is the bride's brother.
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
Mothers apart from their children.
You just summed up my thread in a few paragraphs, SND...I'll do a more detailed response later.
Good morning from Europe...