I cannot name a single person Stressie that has not suffered in some way.
I don't dwell on it. Nor do I blame him for the breakdown of our marriage.
I acepted that we are much better as parents apart than we are together.
He loves his woman, with a deep, deep passion, something that was not there for both of us, but we have a deep respect for each other as the parents of the same children.
It's menstruation time, you arrive once a month with a debate Stressie...
Highlighted statement, again. Yawn.
My point has always been that when my marriage broke down and that of my last relationship, that I would not hurt anyone, I would self appoint an exile to me and I would look deep within myself and see where I went wrong, despite their behaviours.
It is, one that could go on all day as it is daylight now...
Where do the words 'unconditional love' come from?
The love we have for our children? Because we are told that we must love our children?
Which we are, otherwise we are perceived as bad parents. And no parent I know wants to be tagged with that.
Hell, I sometimes wanted to strangle my kids, I disliked them in the evenings and at the age of 7, my daughter asked me why I had stopped reading her bedtime stories. 'Because it is my time, so I can refresh, so I can regroup, so I can just have a moment to mark some other stuff, I love you darling, but now it is time that you read to yourself and learn how to sleep without your mother lying at your side'
Was I selfish? Does it means I did not love her? Would I love her despite any behaviour she displayed? No. I cannot state that I love my children, 'despite what they do' I can only love them because of what they do... And they choose not to break the law, they choose not to drink and drive and they choose to lead a healthy, clean life!
I never love any person unconditionally! I love or I don't. I do not attach caveats to that love, in any sense, including 'I will still love you despite how you choose to act'
Yes, being happy is selfish! Being selfish within one's happiness, is selfish...
Otherwise, I would not be a member here still. I choose to remain here and rub everyone's nose in the fact they have not got themselves a person, and flaunt my own love. Selfish of me hey?
Or I could state that actually, it is quite nice for people to read about successes and feel happiness and hope that people embrace that... Selfish too...
Why the hell should not one run a bath, switch off the world, turn off the phones, the TV, the computer, batten down the hatches and lie in the bath for two hours turning the hot water on with our toes and having a good old bonkbuster to hand?
And when we speak of uncondtional love, then when a relationship ends, do we not withdraw from them? Those that we claimed we loved, yet we close down and refuse to talk to them, because we hurt and we want the world to know WE are hurting? Is that what unconditional love is? When it suits us to shout out the words?
I would say that 'unconditional' is one of the most unselfish words I have ever come across and foolish.
I only have conditional love.
Now, who wants to argue with me???
In the end it does, because how often do we get thrown in our face? 'But you loved me, you said you always would, how can you do that to me'?
It harms more people than I care to mention, Stressie...
You should see what I see on the way to see mine, a truckload of people, who think they are the only people world travelling and why??? Can a person tell me why, when the plane comes to a standstill, that all living humans stand up and cause chaos to retrieve their bags from the overhead lockers?
All of them do it, aside from me, I sit in my seat and wait for the lst person to leave and that's when the Captain comes out. Selfish, I tell you, selfish!
Because we are, in our own self introverted, self absorbed way, selfish... So, my thread title was incorrect, 'love' is not selfish, it is we, as humans... We do translate 'love' though in a bad way and that can come across as selfish! A child, that has been murdered, how many parents come in and state they would 'kill' a person for hurting their child?
The first natural instinct to want to maime those who have hurt our own! Would I? No, because if I get slammed up, who the hell is going to take care of them? So being selfish in taking care of myself so that I can take care of them is important.
We do.
Airplane moment, put your own oxygen mask on before helping any other person...
I think it is okay to need people, to look for that love that evades so many people.
I don't mind admitting that I need a partner, I want him to want me, need me and I want to be wanted and needed too.
Why? Because I think we are humans, we want to love and we want to take care of people, we can be happy without a person, of course we can, but oh, when we find a person that we connect with it makes it all so much nicer. To be held, to have someone cook us a meal, hand us a glass of wine on our return, hold us and wake up with us.
My father and stepmother squabble about the silliest things, yet I rethink the word silly, it sounds silly, but it is not. Butter! Yes, the real stuff, real, lovely butter. My dad craves it and together we sneak around with our real butter. Not that muck you have in tubs, with all sorts added that make it spreadable, lowers your cholesterol, low fat, muck that sticks to the roof of my mouth. My stepmother will not allow my father because of cholesterol, he does not have high cholesterol, she does, so she in her infinite wisdom, thinks he'll eat what I eat.
So when I join them, I buy real butter, I don't have a cholesterol problem either, I like my butter, I don't eat chocolate, just a knob of butter in my pasta, stirred through, a knob on my veggies, tiny little one with some lovely sea salt, it all makes it worthwhile. And dad and I sneak some on his plate and she can see it, eyes like a bloody hawk that women, and she glares at me and she says 'here you with your real butter, you have given him some' and then an argument ensues, and I sit there listening to them, and I cannot help but smile, because I know she is doing because she loves him and he would not have it any other way. He adores her and she is taking care of him, to a naked eye, it would appear that it was a marriage heading for divorce, but to me it is love and that is what they have...
And it is damn wonderful to watch and I know he needs her and she him.
No explaination smokes, why we do what we do, why we need what we need, but I prefer to be with a person who is going to tell me to stop doing something because he loves me, than trying to convince myself and never manage it...
And I am yet to read, a person who says 'I don't need a partner, I want one'
And I think those people do. Because I used to think like that and I never knew how much I needed one until I had one.
You know, Mike? I met Tulefel in Gothenburg, along with the Captain, although he left us to it after the initial meeting, it is not a bad place...
I do find a sense of unrest, in a manner that I cannot relate to.
Beautiful people, beautiful surroundings, maybe it is because I feel so at home here in Salzburg, but I do not feel any warmth, not that the Austrians are warm at all, stoic, right wing, all of that, but there is a calmness in Salzburg, that is not the same for me in Sweden...
I wish I could put my finger on it, but I cannot... There is nothing that I want to complain about, but I do not feel the same sense of calm that I do when I am in Austria...
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
Love is selfish
Oh how people do misinterpret words...It was not directed at you...
The mispelling.