Oh we all have baggage Owen. Don't be swung by that old chestnut, especially at our age. Because of our lives and the years gone by. I have yet to meet a person at the age of 40 who has not suffered some trauma.
You don't have to be alone, but sometimes you may want to. I like my own company at times and am happy with it, even if is for a cry and a sleep.
Not always no. In Owen's case, it is grieving for a lost love so all manner of feelings will be there. But as you have taken it a step further, then let's go there shall we? My self imposed exile into a world where I wanted to cry and be alone did me good, I chose that because I was fed up and sick of people telling me that I should be out there. I just did not feel like it. So I went to my home and buried myself in work. I had a couple of dates with a man who clearly was not up for anything other than a woman who was not in the situation I had and I could have gone along with it, but I knew that I was in no fit state to and this is where my point comes in I made earlier.
If a person who could have really shaken me and said 'I am taking you out and you will do as I say then I suspect I would have been shocked enough to do it. But I had not such a person apart from people who let me be and allowed me my space. In Owen's case, this man or indeed maybe another may well be able to handle that and capable of taking that on and handling it beautifully. I would not advise that she sit at home alone in depths of sadness and overwhelming grief, grief takes us in many forms. We all are in charge of our own treadmills and it is up to us when we press stop and get off for a while and at what speed we walk it.
For me, it is up to the person going through the trauma to be able to climb our way out of it, with some help from whoever where necessary. Recovering and repairing from grief and loss takes it's toll and if we have a person alongside who helps to shoulder that burden then fantastic. There are not many that would do that in my view, where a woman is carrying feelings and strong ones at that over a previous partner. How many times do we see here that he/she is hung up on the ex. It takes two very strong people to show that kind of vulnerability, one to show it the other to have big enough shoulders to be able to share the burden. Not that I am not saying those people are not around, but they are damn special when they appear.
I don't disagree at all Laura hello by the way. If he is understanding and has some degree of emotional intelligence then he could be just what she needs.
While I am a believer in being healed before entering another relationship I am not against it at all. Like you found, I think it can go along way to be able to helping a person heal, hell what I went through alone was hell and I believed that it had to be done, in the end it did me well and I became a better for getting to know myself, had I had the fortune of what I have now during that time then it may not have been such a lonely time. Easier to say with hindsight though and it takes a great person to be able to handle grief over a loved one and take it on.
Of course they do, I cried for a solid year over my last partner. Then one day I woke up and the pillow was dry! I cleaned the loo with his toothbrush that I found in a cupboard and I knew I was on the road to healing. While my life continued I avoided everyone that knew us both and sometimes I can be a solitary character and shut myself away and deal with things in that manner and only then can I begin to see clearly. I could not wear jewellry, not look at pictures that I had without breaking down, how the hell I managed to teach and work was beyond me but I did. You will get to that point, you are recovering, it is not silly or daft, it is normal and you are being honest. You have to yes, but there is no rush is there.
And one day you will wake up like I did and sing along to this wiping away those tears. For you.
Don't give that thought too much airtime Owen! Wasting your precious time on wishing he would have said or done something that he has not will get you nowhere. I know that is hard, but it will not change a thing. My advice anyway. I know that sometimes it is hard when you have nothing to hold onto and no reason but you will drive yourself nuts if you do.
I can understand that Owen and honestly, it is normal. But don't cut your nose off to spite your face, and completely isolate yourself from everything while you recover. You will know when you feel ready to confront this and if with another person who loves you and understands then it will be a great weight lifted from your shoulders. Major league hugs to you in this because I know and Petal too from what she has written how hard it can be.
While those memories are special I think we have to remember that while still raw then they will upset us. You know don't you Petal, when you are ready to move on, because the memories remain pleasant but not too painful and there are always special times that should remain that and not try to be removed by taking another there. I know that PPV had special places with his ex, I would not want to encroach on those with him and try to make it different for him. I would not go with him to Paris, only unless I could lay that final ghost to rest, we have not tried it and have no overwhelming desire to at this moment in time. Only because of our lovely Owen's post that I thought of it.
Yes I have. When I was with my partner after launching into a relationship with him after my husband. I did not realise it at the time it was only when it was over that I realised I was recovering from two relationships. This time I remained alone for nearly two years until I met PPV. I knew I had to recover before I could consider moving on because I recognised the signs from the odd date I had with one man a couple of times and I was feeling exactly like you were and I knew it was not fair on him or me.
The good thing is Owen that this latest gent is still talking with you and you never know, it could grow into something that becomes big and he may be intrumental in your recovery if that is what he wants to do. The only thing you can do is to avoid situations where you will find yourself having those memories dragged up and rearing and reminding you. YOu are human and give yourself some time. Like me with PPV, I could not bring myself to go to Paris with him, simply because of the memories and the sadness it would bring to me, but that is not because I am hankering after my ex, it is simply because it was a special time for us and I cannot confuse my own mind. My man understands this and there are many other places we can travel to and have our own special times. Just from what you have written he sounds like a nice man, don't push him away because of this, if he wants to continue and be patient, he will take his time and you may find something there. All what you are feeling is normal. I know.
Who says it is your fault? How are you to know at the onset that a man will do a runner? None of us would have children or indeed get married if we thought this.
I am sorry Mindful, but you should never ever think it is your fault.
Many people do that and set up companies and pay themselves a low income so as to avoid any child support.
Yes, that is sad that he wants no part of being with the children and I can understand there is no point in forcing the issue in securing a court order to force him to see the children. That is his problem and should be his alone and not yours to force him to execute what is a lovely and rewarding job, that as a parent.
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
RE: What size male organ is perfect for women?
I love this post. The best and a woman after my own heart.