A computer company received a phone call from a woman complaining about her computer. "My computer isn’t working" complained the woman. "You’ll have to speak up said the computer worker." "Sorry i’m on my mobile, signal’s a bit down." "OK, What’s wrong with your computer?" "The screen has just gone black, i can’t do anything." The computer worker made a list of suggestions: Alt Ctrl + Delete? Restart Button Unplugging it, leaving it a while and then back in. None of them seemed to work. "Got it" said the computer worker, "your screen must be unplugged at the back" "I’ll have a look" replied the woman. She came back a while later "I can’t tell" "Why not?" asked the worker "there’s a powercut and it’s too dark"
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I’m actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it’s done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds
The ultimate bundle in home entertainment! ME1 includes 96 digital TV channels, top-of-the-range 5Mbps Broadband connection and a Telephony service that is designed to generate considerable savings when compared to other competing offers in the market.
Melita Connect Digital TV:
96 channels of home entertainment 61 digital radio channels Electronic Programme Guide Onvol Sonic Internet:
100 minutes of calls per month to the GO fixed line network Free unlimited hello-to-hello calls Per second billing on all outgoing calls Melita Connect Channel Listing 100 Promotion Channel 101 TVM 102 NET TV 103 One TV 104 E22 105 Smash TV 106 Weather & Info Channel 107 ITV Shopping 109 Family TV Network
150 Rai Uno 151 Rai Due 152 Rai Tre 153 Rete 4 154 Canale 5 155 Italia 1 156 La 7 200 Extreme Sports 201 Eurosport 202 Eurosport 2 203 ESPN Classic 1 204 ESPN Classic 2 205 Sailing Channel 206 Chasse et Peche 207 NASN 208 Motors TV 209 Poker Channel
251 TV Moda 252 Zone Club 253 Zone Reality 254 BBC Prime 255 MGM Channel 256 TCM 257 TCM 2 258 E! Entertainment 259 Granada UKTV 260 Hallmark Channel 261 Paramount Comedy 262 LIVING 263 Fashion TV 264 F MEN 265 The Style Network 266 Wine TV 300 TV5 Monde 301 TVE Internacional 302 Deutsche Welle 303 RTL II 304 MBC 305 Al Jazeera
350 EWTN 351 Sat 2000
400 BBC World News 401 Euronews 402 CNN International 403 Sky News 404 Bloomberg 405 CNBC 406 Arab News Network 407 France 24 in English 408 France 24 in French
450 Discovery Channel 451 Discovery World 452 Discovery Science 453 Discovery Travel & Living 454 National Geographic Channel 455 Nat Geo Wild 456 The History Channel 457 The History Channel +1 458 Travel Channel 459 The Biography Channel 460 Animal Planet
500 Disney Channel 501 Nickelodeon 502 Cartoon Network 503 Cartoonito 504 Cartoon Network Too 505 Boomerang 506 Boomerang +1 507 Trouble 508 bebe tv 509 Jetix
550 MTV 551 MTV Two 552 MTV Hits 553 MTV Dance 554 MTV Music 555 TRACE 556 VH1 557 VH1 Classic 558 Mezzo 750 Roma Channel 751 Milan Channel 752 Inter Channel 753 Juventus Channel 754 Chelsea TV 755 Real Madrid TV
I have this package from a cable provider,and I pay Euro 56 a month.
Hi Everyone, It was late but it was worth it. Thanks for all you lovely people,had a nice time after work. Hope to meet you all soon. Thanks for the invite. Have a nice week. Hugs and kisses to ladies. And kicks on the BUMS to gentlemen. EXCLUDING LAGOONA.
Martha lost her husband 3 weeks ago, She had him cremated and brought his ashes home and keep them on the end table.
The other day she picked up the urn and went out to the patio, She sat down at the patio table and poured him out on the table.
She set there looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them. After a few mimutes she started talking to the ashes.
'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, 'Herman, remember that bl*w job I promised you?'
Martha lost her husband 3 weeks ago, She had him cremated and brought his ashes home and keep them on the end table.
The other day she picked up the urn and went out to the patio, She sat down at the patio table and poured him out on the table.
She set there looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them. After a few mimutes she started talking to the ashes.
'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, 'Herman, remember that bl*w job I promised you?'
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter- ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one of them had to let go, beacause otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to decided who should let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands......
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter- ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one of them had to let go, beacause otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to decided who should let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands......
There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"
There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"
There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"
> > Jim went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The > > doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he > > would be with him in just a few minutes. When Jim sat down and began > > observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to > > the > > doctor's desk. > > 1. A tube of K-Y jelly > > 2. A rubber glove > > 3. A beer > > > > When the doctor finally came in, Jim said, Look Doc, I'm a little > > confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, > > and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER > > is for? > > > > At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over > > to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his > > nurse........... > > > > Dammit, Helen..... I said A BUTT LIGHT !!!!
> > Jim went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The > > doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he > > would be with him in just a few minutes. When Jim sat down and began > > observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to > > the > > doctor's desk. > > 1. A tube of K-Y jelly > > 2. A rubber glove > > 3. A beer > > > > When the doctor finally came in, Jim said, Look Doc, I'm a little > > confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, > > and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER > > is for? > > > > At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over > > to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his > > nurse........... > > > > Dammit, Helen..... I said A BUTT LIGHT !!!!
> > Jim went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The > > doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he > > would be with him in just a few minutes. When Jim sat down and began > > observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to > > the > > doctor's desk. > > 1. A tube of K-Y jelly > > 2. A rubber glove > > 3. A beer > > > > When the doctor finally came in, Jim said, Look Doc, I'm a little > > confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, > > and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER > > is for? > > > > At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over > > to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his > > nurse........... > > > > Dammit, Helen..... I said A BUTT LIGHT !!!!
During the Australian gold rush period there were quite a few chinese labourers making a quid on the fields . Well to cut a long story short the English gentry at the time did not like this , so they kicked the Chinese labours out of the fields. the chinese took up all different professions "IE" laundry restaurants and so on .
One chinese fellow whose name was Ling took to making wooden fences. he was very proud of his fences as every one had to be done by hand , cut lapped nailed and so on.
He just finished this fence for a well to do business man (English of course), when the gentle man said he would not pay Ling as it was the shoddist peice of work he has seen.
Poor Ling was thunder struck as he turned red then purple and also blue . he lost it threw his hands up in the air ran around the yard yelling out who pay ling who pay ling.
ever since the wooden fence in aust has been called a "paling" fence.
During the Australian gold rush period there were quite a few chinese labourers making a quid on the fields . Well to cut a long story short the English gentry at the time did not like this , so they kicked the Chinese labours out of the fields. the chinese took up all different professions "IE" laundry restaurants and so on .
One chinese fellow whose name was Ling took to making wooden fences. he was very proud of his fences as every one had to be done by hand , cut lapped nailed and so on.
He just finished this fence for a well to do business man (English of course), when the gentle man said he would not pay Ling as it was the shoddist peice of work he has seen.
Poor Ling was thunder struck as he turned red then purple and also blue . he lost it threw his hands up in the air ran around the yard yelling out who pay ling who pay ling.
ever since the wooden fence in aust has been called a "paling" fence.
I personally think it will be a German,Spain final. Turkey have injury problems and they will play with only 13 fit players. So Germany will be too strong for the Turks.
Scooterman46 Forum Posts (389)
RE: Does anyone know any good jokes : )
A computer company received a phone call from a woman complaining about her computer."My computer isn’t working" complained the woman.
"You’ll have to speak up said the computer worker."
"Sorry i’m on my mobile, signal’s a bit down."
"OK, What’s wrong with your computer?"
"The screen has just gone black, i can’t do anything."
The computer worker made a list of suggestions:
Alt Ctrl + Delete?
Restart Button
Unplugging it, leaving it a while and then back in.
None of them seemed to work.
"Got it" said the computer worker, "your screen must be unplugged at the back"
"I’ll have a look" replied the woman.
She came back a while later
"I can’t tell"
"Why not?" asked the worker
"there’s a powercut and it’s too dark"