RE: Advertising...

Is it because we are older and remember the good old days of adverts or are they going down hill as the few I see these days (I don't watch much TV these days) are no way as good as they were then.

RE: Warning labels

Out of guarantee so might contain problems.

RE: old man arries 12 yearbold

25 States in the USA don't have any age limit which you can marry at so a new born baby could be married off.

Spain has put it up to 16 from 13 in the last year or two.

RE: A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly ..................

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.



One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy.



Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.



Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.

He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard,

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'



He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.



Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. He said,

'Come here quick, you won't believe what I heard!

Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'



The old man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.



When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard,

'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'



The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord!’



Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter.

Trying desperately to get a glimpse of the Lord, they finally heard,



'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts down by the fence and we'll be done...'





They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

RE: A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly ..................

Three men were playing golf. The hole was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard. The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole. The next man stepped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and hit the ball within six inches of the hole. The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."

RE: The advantages of Living in the countryside ..

As living in the countryside I can say if you have a dairy farmer near where you live there is the smell of the sh1t from the cows as it is spread on the fields.

The range rovers natural habitat is not in the countryside these days, as most have migrated to the big smoke as these are cross bread with the snob mobiles as, the natural one is the land rovers which is more home in the countryside.

As living and most of my working life I have lived and worked in the countryside I just couldn't live in the big smoke where light pollution is bad and always someone watching my every move and no privacy in the garden etc.

Dog/cat diary.

Dog vs Cat:



EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY



Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!



Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!



Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!



...



EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY



DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.



DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed.



DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.



DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.



DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.



DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... --

RE: An Italian boy goes to confession

Two Jehovah's Witnesses ( or substitute religion of your choice) knock on the door of an elderly lady.
She opens the door and asks who they are.
They tell her that they are Jehovah's Witnesses (OSROYC) and she lets them both inside.
She tells them to take a seat on her sofa, and asked if they would like a cup of tea or coffee.
"Two teas would be nice, please," came the reply.
Then she asked if they would like custard creams with their drinks.
"Oh, yes please, that would be lovely," came the response.
Five minutes later the old woman came back into the front room and placed the drinks and biscuits on the table, sat down and said, "So what is it that you want to talk to me about?"
The first shrugs her shoulders and says, "We don't know, this is the furthest that we have ever got."

RE: Would you switch your mobile phone off on a date?

I am one of the rare people who just uses my mobile phone as just that and is used when I need to get hold of someone while away from my land line. Sometimes it can be at least a month between using it and a very few people know my number so even though if I left it on other than the odd spam call it most likely would't ring.

RE: Ginger or Mary Ann?

Well I am too young to remember this program even if I saw it but looking at the clip and doing a Google I will go for Mary Ann.

RE: a Pic is the first attraction.....

The thing is that even if the profile has a picture it means nothing as it could be old one or stolen from the net to hide a fake profile.

RE: The Garden

I quite often work next to plants that the honey/bumble bees are busy pollinating and, as far as they are concerned I am not there as I am not bothering them.

RE: please help me save a realtionship

If I exclude hugs from females at family get together's funerals etc I haven't had one for close to 30 years now as that is the length I haven't had a girlfriend so just pick yourself up.

RE: What wrist watch brand do you like best?

As long it looks good and low priced that is all that matters.

RE: The Garden

Splashes of water on my naked body while doing the watering.grin

RE: Now a days Why divorced ratio is very high

Also these days it is work which can split couples up as in the good old days the husband was the bread winner and the wife stayed at home or did a job which was fairly low down and if the husband had to move for work the wife could fairly easily find a new job. These days with the wife also having a good job she might think her job is more important than her husband as was the case for where one of the daughters decided her job was more important so they split up when he had to move. In the case of my eldest niece if she finds someone it could be her who has to move for her job and this could be to another country as well.

RE: Men and women....Tolerance of pain....

My late father had a low tolerance of pain against what I have.

RE: Heat wave

I was told today I had the right idea of going around with nothing on when it is warm.wow

RE: Heat wave

So did you panic the first morning you woke up in the fridge when your saw your nuts were red and your manhood was green and, when you fully woke up you realised it was two tomatoes and one cucumber. rolling on the floor laughing laugh

RE: The Garden

Nothing better working in the garden especially when I can harvest the crops and eat fresh vegetables and fruit which I have sown/planted and when warm enough dressed as nature intended me to be.

RE: Most respected occupation?

I see you made a spelling mistake as you put down Lawyers when it should be Liars.scold

RE: Sick Of Scammers Sending You Fake Email Addresses For You To Contact Them At?

There is one profile where she says that she doesn't want you to send her your email addresses but she sent me hers as she wanted some photos as I had non on this site at that time.

RE: Does anyone actually read profiles

Reading the profiles help to find the spammers and flag them to help to try to keep the rubbish of this site.

RE: Sick Of Scammers Sending You Fake Email Addresses For You To Contact Them At?

If I see these on this site I report the profile and the profiles are removed from the site.
ps I do have more than one email address so people/business etc I don't know don't have my email address to my main email address.

This is a list of forum posts created by Inthecountryside.

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