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The effect of diamonds

A lady was looking at a display of diamonds and when she bent to take a closer look, she had a gas malfunction.

Absolutely mortified she furtively looked around hoping no one was nearby. As luck would have it, a salesman was standing right behind her. Sheepishly she asked the price of a diamond and he replied "Madam, if you farted at the site of the diamond, I am almost certain you will shit at the price".

RE: RECESSION 2011

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

RE: CyberSex

Nothing wrong with being animal friendly. rolling on the floor laughing

10 Things to learn from the Japanese

Absolutely true.handshake

10 Things to learn from the Japanese

Thanks AnneDee...please post on other sites that you might be on.handshake

10 Things to learn from the Japanese

Thanks ltlredcorvette - yes, pls post wherever possible, awareness is important and this would be our little way of saying 'we salute you Japan and we stand by you in your hour of grief'.thumbs up

10 Things to learn from the Japanese

Oh yes Narnia93...hard workers - no doubt about that.

10 Things to learn from the Japanese

10 things to learn from Japanese...

1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly!

RE: Your Body drives me crazy?

I'd say they had great taste...but think..."frigmo!"

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen....
MAN: "Hello"
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $1,000. is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure...go ahead if you like it that much."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new LX 470 SUV. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
Woman: "$90.000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950.000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900.000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is clearly a pretty good price."
Woman: "OK, I'll see you later! I love you so much!!!"
MAN: "bye! I love you, too"
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...
He smiles and asks "Anyone know who this phone belongs to????"

Baptising a drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze.
Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk,
'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer,
dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time.
He pulls him out of the water and asks again,
'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in
the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up..
The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

RE: Am I so bad??? Please help me to see if I am so bad a person .

I totally agree. thumbs up thumbs up

RE: How do you find out if a guy or girl really likes you?

If you are talking cyber world....then am afraid you'll probably never know. But if you are talking real world...then you will just have to pick up the cues...body language...concern...interest in your family...your career....the list goes on.

RE: Do LDRs work?

One and a half months....wow...that's a bit long for a first time meeting, don't you think? What kind of a job entitles him to be away for such a long time or perhaps he's accumulated his leave for just such an occasion. Hope you are not planning on keeping him at your place...you don't know him...remember??

RE: its hard to find the right man that would take in your kids...

Are you offering yourself as a 'nanny'????

RE: What Would You Do?

I think you should let the X have the kids because at this stage in their lives they need stability and sadly you are not in a position to provide that. Forget your issues with her and do right by your kids - think of their welfare.

RE: Would this living arrngement make you concerned?

I quite like the "you live in your house and I'll live in mine" concept. I guess this has a lot to do with the fact that I have 2 young kids at home.

Materialistic!!!!

A very successful Businessman parked his brand new Porsche Car at the front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues .

As he got out, a truck came along too close to the kerb and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche , his lights flashing.

But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the Businessman started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche , which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.

After the Businessman finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you people are,' he said.

'You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the Businessman.

The cop replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!'

'OH, MY GOD!' he screamed & finally said----



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'MY ROLEX WATCH' IS GONE TOO....

Oranges...

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,' Grandma said, and she proceeded to the end of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma he was bewildered and exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry.'

The policeman fainted.

RE: One Wish

thumbs up thumbs up

RE: would you stay in a relationship when.............?

If you like the guy that much how about just being friends? No strings, no expectations = no hurt.

RE: What will you do if your spouse wins a millon dollar lottery while both of you are filing for divorc

Pursue the divorce - freedom is priceless. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll step away from the negotiating table - btw the negotiations are about what he thinks should be paid to him for signing on the dotted line.

RE: Why men say one thing and do another?

Maybe he was too polite to tell you to your face and was hoping you would take the hint with his silence.

There's that famous line...IF YOU LIKE A THING, SET IT FREE, IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU ITS YOURS, IF IT DOESN'T, IT NEVER WAS...

Its all about 'pressure management'..cool

RE: have u met up with someone from this site?

Maybe the horn from his trunk...ooops....I meant truck...she did get to wash it...devil

RE: It's My son's Birthday Today

Aahh the pride of a mother....I wish you joy and happiness in the successes of your son...hope he has a really wonderful day.wine

RE: All about Love!

thumbs up
5 years??? wow!!

RE: IM off

I absolutely agree.thumbs up thumbs up

RE: Do you take this site seriously for meeting the right person for you?

Net friends.handshake

RE: What happened on your first CS date ?

Me too.......yet

RE: U gotta laugh lol

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up

This is a list of forum posts created by Karma3.

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