I'm honestly not sure. For the longest time, I thought I was just going for the wrong type of men. Pushing the problem on them, usually saying they were non-committal. I even said to one, "I get it... you're just a player." He looked at me & said, "No, you're the player." It really got me thinking. Maybe I AM a player of sorts. But I don't consciously TRY to be. Maybe it's just my nature. Or maybe it comes from conditioning. Maybe I'm just trying to 'protect' myself & my heart. Please do tell, Dr. Ambrose! Enquiring minds want to know!
Good point! So you're basically saying that sub-consciously, we could be frightened by past relationships & not wanting to repeat habits. That could be. I've had 2 long-term relationships since my marriage. One was a pretty good relationship & we've talked since then. He was a very nice guy. We just wanted different things out of our relationship. My second one was pretty emotionally abusive. And no, I will never tolerate that again. But out of all the single men I've run into, I'm just surprised that no more have worked out.
I was just telling a friend this weekend that it's so funny how, when I left my ex-husband in '91, I thought it'd be sooo easy to find someone new, get married, maybe have another child & move on. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case.
Ya know J, sometimes I wonder if my problem with finding/keeping a relatinoship is the very fact that I HAVE been single for so long. Perhaps I've become stubborn & set in my ways... & don't even realize it. I just know that I won't settle ever again. I did that in my marriage & have to learn from past mistakes.
So, do we become so accustomed to being alone & having freedom that, while we genuinely want someone in our lives, we possibly won't/might not be able to live with someone else again? I've asked myself this very question several times.
Dru, that is EXACTLY what I tell my friends when we talk about being alone & what we want.
I enjoy having my life to myself, usually. I enjoy my freedom of coming & going as I please, usually. I still cook myself good meals, because I'm worth it to me. But it does tend to get lonely not having anyone there to talk to (my roommate doesn't count & is usually not home anyway). I miss having someone call just to see how my day went. I miss having someone to hold me or give me kisses. I think I'm getting at a phase in my life where I just want to find someone, but won't just go for anyone. We have to fit together like a puzzle, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, as well as physically. I'm trying not to look anymore, because as the saying goes... he'll come along when I least expect it. But it's been 18 years & I'm still single. It does tend to get old now.
Begin, maybe you are innocent. But why in the WORLD post so many threads?? Just post one & let us check it out. By posting so many, you've really turned most of us off to the point that we don't take you seriously & don't have any desire to listen now.
I disagree. If you don't forgive, you can't move on. There's nothing wrong with forgiving. To hold onto anger is to remain angry & stagnant. Life is too short to hold onto anger. You can forgive... you just don't forget.
Some people are just not good at handling rejection. I think many factors play into this. Low self-esteem, immaturity, low self-worth... I could go on. I say if someone doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for them, move on. You can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto. And you can't force someone to feel something that they don't. You just end up looking like a fool... in their eyes & others', as well.
I prefer spring into summer. Everything comes to life... flowers bloom, trees grow leaves, people are outside tending their lawns, days are longer, & the weather is warmer.
Doc is DazzleYou. Look up. He's posted already. He's a very nice man who happens to be a doctor (thus the nickname "Doc"), whom I've had the pleasure of knowing.
sweetowen Forum Posts (8,850)
RE: What do you want in a relationship?
I'm honestly not sure. For the longest time, I thought I was just going for the wrong type of men. Pushing the problem on them, usually saying they were non-committal. I even said to one, "I get it... you're just a player." He looked at me & said, "No, you're the player." It really got me thinking. Maybe I AM a player of sorts. But I don't consciously TRY to be. Maybe it's just my nature. Or maybe it comes from conditioning. Maybe I'm just trying to 'protect' myself & my heart. Please do tell, Dr. Ambrose! Enquiring minds want to know!