According to the Urban Dictionary, Canada might be your best bet:
Canadian: Somebody from the country north of the United States, which has: Maple Syrup; Hockey; Universal Healthcare; Peace; Low Crime/Violence Rates; Excellent Donuts and Coffee (AKA Tim Horton's); Better, Cheaper Beer; Lovely Women; Nicer People; Better Winter Sports; Cultural/Tolerance; Good/Cheap Education; Superior Genetalia.
RE: How come no-one wants to play with me
TY