NorseMedicNorseMedic Forum Posts (143)

RE: What would you do??

I would walk away. I don't like when people lie to me. But I have dated people I met online, also through here and some of them were a little on "the heavy side" and I don't care about that, so there's no reason for lying to me. I actually prefer men that are a few pounds above "normal", so I would be mad that someone felt like they had to lie to me.

RE: WHAT WILL YOU SAY WHEN YOU MEET GOD ??

"I did the best I could with the knowledge and skills that I had at the time"

I try very hard to live by this standard, always do my best so I will know that come what may I cannot be held at fault, because I did everything in my power to do the right thing. :)

RE: is it wrong to date if you are seperated from the person you are married but still married

I can't speak for others, but personally I wouldn't date. I wouldn't want to drag someone else through the nightmare a divorce can be.

RE: I couldn't stand him...now I want him back!

I don't want to sound chauvinistic, but wanting what you can't have is IMO a very female trait.

Usually the cliché is that men like the chase. To some extent I feel that this can be said about women too. Only we don't want to chase our men when we don't have them but want them – we want to fight for him when we actually have him. It mustn't be too easy.

It's a love/hate thing. I was taught by my dad that if you hate someone you still love them, because the opposite of love isn't hate, it is not caring.
Sometimes you need “the downs” to really feel the love you have for another person. It's like needing war to know and cherish peace. Yin and yang – the one cannot exist without the other.

If he made you feel irritated then something was wrong in your relationship. You can't save it, he made that very clear. But you can learn from it, as to not repeat your mistakes in the future. Think about why you became so frustrated with him and/or the relationship. What irritated you? Had it something to do with yourself? Take action where you can. Working on these things will also help you to get your mind off him.

RE: Tired Of Being A Victim

I agree. I've dated some nice people from this site, but haven't found someone I was compatible with in the long run. But I've been rejected more than once based on 1-2 mails - and truthfully, I have rejected others for the weirdest reasons.

It all comes down to this: There are only 24 hours a day, and only 7 days a week. I have school, work and friends to attend, so should I date every guy that writes me I would have to become a drop-out, unemployed and friendless.


Have I rejected people based on the origin of their births? Yes. Is it discriminating? Why, very much so. But I need some sort of prioritizing, and when I have experience that tells me that my kind of humor matches the Southern States' humor better than the Walsh - then a Southern States' guy will be prioritized higher than a Walsh person, even if they are equals in all other matters (this was just a made-up example - no pun intended towards people from Wales... laugh ).

RE: The 'Other Person'

It sounds so good when you write it, but I wasn't able to be friends with my ex or my friend afterwards. Seeing them together tore at wounds that were trying to heal and only time and space have been able to do the trick. And of course moving to the other side of the world. grin

My ex will always be very special to me and have a place in my heart. After all I was ready to marry the guy and to me marriage is forever and always. But at least I was able to come to terms with the fact that he was not the right guy for me, because I need someone who is strong and independent and speaks his mind, and even though my ex have many good qualities, voicing his feelings and needs were not one of them. It was by far for the better that our relationship ended before we got more attached.

My friend on the other hand... When I think of her it's very hard to remember the good times we had. I almost only remember the betrayal. I feel so disappointed. We were supposed to grow old together, live next door to each other, take care of each other's kids and ride this train called 'Life' to it's undefined destination.
I felt like she threw all that away for a little attention.
I've always been taught that men may come and go, but friends are forever. Had she been honest with me and had it turned out that my ex felt the same about her I would have been more than willing to step away and let them be happy together no matter how much it would have hurt me. I've done it before and I know I'll get over it in the long run. How could I not want the 2 of the most important people in my life to be happy?
But I was never given the chance to be so gracious.



I think it's beautiful to forgive and move on, so it saddens me that I can't. I sometimes feel happy for them, but the thought of the prize they were willing to pay is not something that does anything for me. I was the left-over trash they had to get rid off in order to be together and that feeling will probably haunt me for a long time still.

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

My brother came home for the funerals and some time after that. He then chose to finish his duties overseas - I don't think he liked the thought of having friends fighting/working alone and not being there for them. Like I think he felt bad that our other brother died without him being there (feelings are not always logical).

Unfortunately my brother is a real macho man. He doesn't want to show any weaknesses. He only cried once during all this, as far as I know, and that was in the shower in our family home after we had buried our brother. I don't think he thought anyone heard him.

The real problem is rather me getting permission to prospone schoolwork and tests to travel home for a period of time. Of course I was allowed but I too felt obliged to return to my duties shortly after.

We're a family much bound by a sense of duties.

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

If people say stuff that is incorrect and claim that it's the truth they are abusing the freedom of speech IMO.

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I think he should but I'm afraid he'll be off to Ghana in no time (his wife is from Ghana). laugh

Can't hold it against him since I'm not really home as well and probably won't be in some time. laugh

RE: Have you ever gone: "why can't I be normal?" really meaning it?

It's not me that's weird it's everyone else. I'm perfectly sane. grin

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

... and why do I say something I'm not really sure about? I actually don't know if the beforementioned UN peace keeping squad thingie is actually there.

I'll shut up now. sigh

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

On a truly off topic note Nord's can easily be fighting over there - as a part of the UN peace keeping squad thingie (I don't know the English therm).

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

It's okay. I'm Danish. It's almost the same. laugh

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

*sigh* moping

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

The worst part was being an 12 hour flight away from my family. I shared my sorrow with myself and the few friends I have here, when I really needed my family.

So yeah it was a rough time and therefore the minutes I get with the family I have left is so precious to me. I'm afraid every time my phone rings in strange hours that's it's the Danish Minister of Defense's secretary calling to tell me that too bad, I'm all alone now. If I'm lucky I might get a visit from a Danish diplomat who happens to be in the area in another errand. I still don't quite get why my brothers have/had to fight a war on another country's behalf - no pun intended and all, but we showed up with a couple of thousand soldiers there the U.S. turned up with a couple of hundred thousand. It's ridiculous.

Sorry, that was way off topic.

And thank you.

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

Two wrongs don't make a right. The stupid ladies don't excuse stupid men for their behavior - this also goes the other way around.

I hate stupid women, because they make nice guys give up hope. sad flower

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

Thank you for your support and mental part is duly noted.

Yay. 'Mental' is now part of my personal dictionary. dancing

RE: why are some men

Very, very good point. laugh

RE: why are some men

Here's a random thought based on the last part of your comment:

If some guy actually invented love do you think he would have gotten the Nobel prize or gotten assassinated? grin

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I meant HE didn't go mental.

What's up with all my typing errors today? Thank God for Spring break...

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I didn't go mental, he just made a big deal out of it.

Okay, I'm a fool. Potato, potato I guess. (the mentioned potatoes are supposed to be pronounced differently. I learned this phrase today! laugh ).

Anyway. I'm just glad that I can finally give it a rest. I've been worked up about it trying to figure it out, so it's nice to finally be able to give it a rest.

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I thought the American frogs were going to be as charming as the ones I saw on TV. A bit naïve, agreed. But you can always dream, right? laugh

I don't get why anyone would feel intimidated by me. I'm not that bright I'm just stubborn and hard working. I get ugly morning hair like the rest of the population. I'm just me.


I agree with the intelligence. Men may have bigger brains, but women use more of theirs. That's science for ya. tongue

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I'm so glad I got your opinions, because I was getting caught up with it in my mind. A fresh pair of eyes (or more than a pair...) are really nice when you tend to confuse yourself. Thank you guys! hug

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I think about it too much, I agree. But I've lived in the States for almost 2 years now and out of 5 dates, only one went well. 1 of them went bad because there weren't any chemistry and our humor didn't match each other, that's nobody's fault. And then 3 (one being this particular date) went super bad and I don't get why in either case. Neither does my roommate and she's even American herself.
So I'm starting to think that maybe this dating-thing is too complicated for a foreigner like myself. Maybe there are secret rules and codex', a secret society of daters and I just don't know it.


Please tell me, because I thought it was enough to be honest and polite. confused

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

My own theory is that perhaps the time span from when I canceled the date and when it was actually due was too short. But he lives 10 minutes from here, so it's not like he came from far away and was already underway. We had arranged for at casual dinner at a local café so no home-made dinner he had to trash.

I don't understand what the big problem where but there must be one. Otherwise it just seems too illogical.
dunno

Was I rude and how can I prevent this from happening again

I keep thinking about this and I really need to just get over it, so please help me figure out this problem.


A few weeks back a guy (friend of a friend's friend, heh) asked me out.

I was very surprised and flattered and I said yes. Problem was that we both had busy calendars but after much chatting we finally found an evening that suited us both. I had one condition though – the night happened to be the same night I might expect a phone call from my brother who is stationed in Afghanistan. I lost my youngest brother in Iraq a while ago, my father died of a stroke this fall so my brother and his wife are really all the family I have left. I understand that whenever he gets a chance for a phone call he will call his family (wife and young child) back home as first priority, but now it was finally my turn to hear his voice again so talking to him was very important to me. Too important to miss for a date I can always go on another time; it's been almost 1½ months since I spoke to my brother last and I don't know if I will again before he's home.

I told my date this and he said he understood “and let's just see how things go”.

2 hours before we're supposed to meet my brother calls me. I had thought he wouldn't because when the call was due there was only utterly silence from the phone. I was thrilled and surprised and I texted my date if we could prospone our meeting because my brother was on the phone and we were talking. He didn't answer so I texted him again and he answered "Yes, I have gotten your message".
I talked with my brother for 2½ hours and my head was in the clouds. At soon as we hung up I called my date to apologize and find out if he still wanted to go out (it was 9 PM so we could go get drinks or just for a walk, or play pool. There are many possibilities here) or if we should meet another day.

He then got really upset with me and told me I was rude and selfish, because I had bailed on him. I couldn't expect him to sit around and wait for me until it suited me to show up.

I was really stunned by his words because I thought he was understanding of the situation with my brother.

We never re-arranged for another date and I don't think we will.


Please tell me; was I very impolite – and if I happen to end in the same situation again (not very likely though) should I behave in another way?

RE: The 'Other Person'

It's a hard topic for me to debate, because in my situation the cheating went 2 ways. The other woman was my best friend. Her betrayal was more hurtful than his, even though I was engaged to be married with the guy.

They got married a few weeks back and I can truly say that I felt very happy for them. But like with your Shepherd's Pie I felt a little relieved to be able to conclude that my ex-friend looked a bit like a very goofy cake in her wedding gown.

Another thing that complicates my view is the fact that the betrayal and their affair began at a time when I really needed them. My dad had had what would later turn out to be his first of many strokes and I spent all my spare-time at his house nursing him back to health. I have two brothers, but they are military men and were stationed far off in other countries. It was a very difficult time for me and I felt very alone, so I was so glad that I had such an understanding fiancée and such a supporting friend. My time was divided solely between studies and my father so I understand that I was not a very participating or giving girlfriend or friend during that period. But I really needed them and they replied by going behind my back, lie to me and cheat me. The lying and hiding was by far the worst thing. I later found that they had considered telling me before I found out myself but decided against it because of my hardship. I don't know how I feel about that, but not grateful. They should have known that it would come out sooner or later and not have waited until I caught them myself (on very explicit pictures on my own digital camera).


I think cheating is wrong and even though the worst wrong-doer is the person involved with someone else I think it's just bad sense and misbehaving if you decide to date someone you know is already seeing someone else, married, in a steady relationship or whatever. I think you can only gain from saying: “Hey you, I like you lots but if you really want me then you have to leave your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever first.”
If you are seriously thinking about, planning and considering carrying out cheating just leave the old relationship behind right there and then. It's cowardly to use it as a scapegoat if the new one doesn't work out.


All in all I try not to be too judgmental. After all I was raised to believe that we can all kill, cheat and lie if the circumstances are right. Maybe I just haven't experienced a situation or a guy who could trigger such actions in me. I can't dismiss it, but on the other hand I have such high personal morals that I think it would take a whole lot before I could to something like that to another person. Especially because I know how much it hurts.

RE: Long Distance Relationships.. Are YOU willing to move?

Thank you for your side note compliment. heart1


Anyway, I think it sucks because I'm a very passionate person and I would hate to end a good relationship because of some *external* problem like geography (by external I mean a practical problem and not an emotional one like falling out of love, bad experiences et cetera).

It sucks because I have 2 dreams that are very hard to fulfill at the same time.

On one hand I want a career, not only because I'm very ambitious and driven, but also because I believe (and I apologize for sounding full of myself and being cliché-ish) that I have a gift. I'm really good at what I do, it comes natural to me and I do believe that I can contribute with science, knowledge and work that can end up helping a lot of people who really need it. I feel I am obliged to use my gift because it will be a shameful waste if I don't.


On the other hand I want a ranch, a billion kids, a cowboy whose laundry I can do, a horse I might learn how to ride one day and spending my days cleaning a kitchen and wearing one of those silly hats everybody seems to love here in the Southern States.


Now THAT sucks.

RE: WHAT WAS YOUR MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT

By the way my dad's response was way cool. He said "Normally I would ground you for showing such lack of self control. But I know you will be punished in the morning, so please continue..." doh

RE: WHAT WAS YOUR MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT

If not THE most embarrassing then at least ONE of them:

I was drunk, half-naked and vomiting all over the bathroom floor where I was also lying when my dad walked in.

Oh yes, how blissful it was to turn 18 and be allowed to drink. roll eyes

This is a list of forum posts created by NorseMedic.

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