Thank you for the vote of confidance girl. Lol Sign up with Plenty of fish or called pof. Since CS themselves have ads on here about other dating sites it must be okay to mention it.
1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... You'd think at least one of them would have seen it..
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he Couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He Shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I Know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
6. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
7. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the Craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
8. A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. He says to the Doctor, "What can you do about this?" The doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
9. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."
10. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you Can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's too heavy"
12. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
15. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people In my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad,or My older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
16. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other One says "So are you, you fat *&&**"
17. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
18. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So wasn't that nice?"
19. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
20. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructedhim to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo
in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.
So strange Drui I had just told a friend that I was looking for someone who thought the sun came up just because of me and one that would be a social person. Well this is what I have exactly!
Robert talks to anyone, he would like to be in the board of this village I live in.
We had Expo here in Vancouver in '84 He was there giving talks about the Concord. Flew in them 8 times as a passenger.
I know that I am very lucky to have met him too. He is very generous with his money. My T.V. in the living room went on the blink just resently so told Robert that I wanted to get a flat screen one you could hang on the wall. I will get it for you he tells me for your birthday this September. Of course I then had to tell him that I really have two birthdays. Lol My Dutch on and my Cananadian one. He loves my corny sense of humour, we laugh a lot together.
I am also lucky as he can fix anything. Electric, plumming, carpenter work etc. He tells me now that he has several plans for this house. Tileling the bathroom as I like this in the Dutch bathrooms. Put in in-floor heating and several other things he wants to do.
For sure in Canada. He has suggested Hawaii himself. Unless Robert wishes to go to Holland, I won't go back. He has traveled around the world a lot and now wants to go again and show me this time.
Lol ha ha you offered him one time before to me eh?
Well Robert is back in Winnipeg to wind up things there before coming here to stay. The plan is to for me to fly to Winnipeg, meet his friends and drive back with him and stay a few days here and there. Driving back throught the Rocky Mountains, where I used to live. Right in Jasper Park, which is a priveledge needless to say.
So am thinking why not get married in Winnipeg Manitoba as his friends are there. This means to pick a date before July. July 15th falls on a Wednesday, sounds good eh?
Hello sweet. Yep Robert does know he is one lucky guy. He tells me this all the time. Telling me how happy I make him. He thinks the sun comes up because of me. Lol
This afternoon he told me this morning, he is going to show my pictures to the guys.Oh boy!
hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)
Why ladies take sooo long in the washroom............
your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.The flush somehow sucks everything down with such
force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper
dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the
spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper
you found in your pocket and then slink out
inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with
the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with
spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of
women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a
piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where
was that when you NEEDED it?? ) You yank the paper
from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell
her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed,
he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your
purse hanging around your neck?' ********
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a
public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).
It finally explains to the men what really does take
us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked
questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto
your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! *******
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could
describe it so accurately!