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RE: All packed for New Orleans....

Be safe,zee

RE: Spanish word of the Day

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

i may get banned,but too funny!!

peace

i may get banned,but too funny!!

Abraham Lincoln Rhyme

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his [email protected] in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies, just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants and give me some booty."




Mary Mary Rhyme

Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pu$$y cause it was so damn hairy.




Row Your Boat Song

Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough
and pass it to a friend.




Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill Rhyme

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to smoke some marijuana,
Jack got high,
unzipped his fly,
and Jill said "I don't wanna"

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill
forgot her pill
and now they have a son.



I'm A Little p*nis Rhyme

I'm a little p*nis,
Long and hard,
If you want to see it,
Come in my yard,
When I get all h*rny,
Then I spurt,
Push me in,
And pull me out!




Jack Rhyme

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his little [email protected]!




Mother Hubbard Rhyme

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the b*tch got a bone of her own!




Peter Peter Rhyme

Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
[email protected] her a$$ and went to bed



Mary Had A Little Lamb Rhyme

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in her back yard
when she took her panties off
his wooly [email protected] got hard




Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock
The [email protected] was suckin my [email protected]
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dropped the [email protected] off at the next block!



Little Boy Blue

Little boy blue,
he needed the money.




Little Bow Peep

Little bow peep [email protected] a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his a$$ so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.

rolling on the floor laughing

RE: What Our Birth Date Says About Your Personality!

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

RE: What Our Birth Date Says About Your Personality!

bowing to ZEE


AH!! Monkeyman,thankshug

RE: What Our Birth Date Says About Your Personality!

i,m a monkey too zee,and i agree with you,it aint easy

RE: What Our Birth Date Says About Your Personality!

Oh my gosh ,i am a monkey and it describes me to a tee!!

RE: The Sweetest Thing

That is beautiful daniel ,you have a talent for sure!thumbs up

RE: I have returned.....

Glad to see you back zee!!!wave dancing

RE: The Big Dating Squirt

well if she was smart she would grab a tomato and do the same to you,all the while laughing your arses off over the situation.laugh

What Women Really Want

What Woman Want in a Man, Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover



What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week



What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends



What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)


1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends



What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend



What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

uh oh

too funny

If you have never done this before. Read this out loud (Smile)

I am sofa king we todded



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

too funny

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back at WalMart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!" Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I think I will switch back to paper."

RE: Say Something.... You Know the Rest...??!!

somethinggrin

RE: GOOD DAY WHAT POSITIVE DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?

I am allowed one more day to spend with my kids!!

too funny

A young man had met a nice young woman. They both liked each other and thought the time was right.

Both of them got naked and the man lay on top of her. Before pushing his d*ck in he waited. Meanwhile his d*ck was having a conversation with his balls.

D*ck: OK lads we are going to a party tonight.
1st Ball: You mean you are.
D*ick: What do you mean, you’re invited too.
2nd Ball: Yeh, but you always leave us outside knocking.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

too funny

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes
and started to wander around the area.
A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, Did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.
'No, w hat do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
smiling, naked receptionist,
'May I help you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the
$500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't
had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a week, but I
fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!'

too funny

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice echo from far, far away... "We're down here!"

rolling on the floor laughing

too funny

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS...

"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."


THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO."

SHE THEN SAYS ,"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW DID ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED. THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."

HE ASKED,"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

AND SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"
I DON'T THINK SO!

too funny

i,m sorry guys,i need laughter today!!wave

too funny

Bird Viagra

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.

Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.

"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

sorry guys,no harm intended!!

A Little Male Bashing


Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a v***rator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their a**hole and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men m**turbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

RE: does anybody hate their father ?

I was scared of my dad growing up,very strict parents,suicide took him 2 years ago,although he never showed his love very well,he showed it in other ways,by keeping a roof over my head.I got angry after the suicide,i just wanted answers.But now,i regret not getting to know him better,and still wish i could go back in time to get to know the man who i called daddy.I could never hate anyone,much less my dad.Life is too short too hate anyone!!!dancing

Does anyone

believe in fate or destiny when it comes to love??dunno

RE: is love the greatest gift of all

Faith,Hope and Love,of these three--love is the greatest!!We get our hearts broken,but it is supposed to make you stronger,you realize the mistakes you made with that relationship and try to make the next one better.wave

RE: mr. johnson

rolling on the floor laughing laugh

Redneck Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.


AND.... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up
peace

RE: ways to reduce stress

I dont get baths very oftenlaugh laugh laugh



im a shower girl!!!

RE: ways to reduce stress

Yeah maybe!!rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

This is a list of forum posts created by BamaFan.

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