So are you saying that I would be better served in stating the truth as such:
Modestly delirious at the best of times, genuinely lucid between meds, and functionally abnormal (as confirmed by yourself in the above posts)? Nah I do not think that would work so I guess its back to the line for me... hope they have hot soup and bread at the forefront cause it is longer than the tracks that crisscross the United States...
Ambrose my friend with such endearing blunt force trauma applied we will asuredly be feasting upon ourselves as the web will remain empty if we do not let them get embroiled in the tangled strands that lie precariously strewn about this site.
Phew am I ever glad that I got that right it was so risky to go out on a limb for a mere 50% chance... damn I could have been wrong yet again... My confidence could not deal with that again. Twice in a lifetime seems so fatal don't you think? What would I ever do without such lovely friends such as you dear lady to guide me in the right direction.
Hey I am normal (or is that abnormal- damnable prefixes and their insidious way of confusing the meaning of the original word...) OK out on a limb here and guessing... I will take abnormal... and I am sticking to it (well its mostly because of the honey I am ingesting in copious amounts but hey at least i am trying here...)
All three prerequisites that turn your lovely head are intangibles and best represented not through simple statements but rather through contact albeit this site provides only two dimensional contact of sorts. To find what you seek you must proliferate the forums with countless emotional and mental tentacles, probing in the thoughts that lie strewn pell-mell about this place. Of a certainty you will find ones to warm your heart and it is to those that you should promote yourself wholeheartedly. Use the forums for the tool they in truth are. First and foremost as a means to facilitate your own being upon others in generous heaping portions and then of course to find what your heart seeks. In the forums if you stumble upon some word that scratches the itch deep inside you can always check that person's other posts and even the threads that pose the queries that befuddle themselves. Nothing is said here that truly goes away and there are no better way stones for the journey you are embarking upon.
Good luck in your journey just remember to remain true to yourself and the rest will fall in place quite easily.
True forgiveness is a gift of grace bestowed upon his Children by our Father and as mister Crotalus does not recognize any authority but his own vaccuous sort he cannot understand even the basic tenets of such a noble empowering voice of reason. You my friend are who you are and the Lord himself could not ask for more of you.
Each black and white word from you reached into my heart and dashed themselves off the carefully constructed walls I had installed for protection. Eroding my defences like waves crashing upon the shore. Worse even than this was the simple fact that each word, after tearing at the stone shielding my heart, slid up and over the walls to imbed itself deep inside me. Each word or letter that struck my heart created resonating harmonies like a triangle and iron, pick and string, or drum and stick. Once I finally relented in my foolishness with Skype, I saw you again as if for the first time, and then the absolute pure magic of your angelic voice. Millions of questions hammered into my brain, even though we had already spoken on the telephone a few times before.
And that was how I lost my soul in a way that for the first time in my humble life allowed me to know that in truth I had finally found it.
I turned on my television to occupy my mind and attempt to restore my composure. The futility of this soon became apparent with my fidgeting and complete lack of focus. I soon found myself settling back into my computer chair and looking for the first time at someone else’s profile besides my own. I drank in every word, my mind rationalizing that no matter how long I looked at your profile, there was no way you could ever know, and that hours or minutes it would be the same. Further justification to remain on your profile was the obvious- my profile being tagged on your Who’s Viewed Me list would most assuredly be drowned by the multitudes of other men drawn to your perfection of form. Every time my mind decided that I was crossing the lines of decency, my heart drove these worries away. I cycled through your picture seemingly a hundred times, stunned by your innate beauty, passion and visible soul. I could not believe what I was looking at. Never in my life had a picture of anything sang out so loud and clear to me. I could literally hear you clear as day. Reading your profile and looking at each picture in turn captivated me and impressed too deeply to refuse an instant and ever growing desire to know more and more. I added you then as my first (and what turned out to be my only) favourite. I went to bed and dreamed solely of you. I went to work and thought about you with every spare moment I had. When I came home I faced one of the most difficult tasks of my life. I knew I had to reach out to you, and having never done so with anyone in my life, I was at a complete loss as just how to do this. I sat at my computer for hours before I wrote what later became one of my proudest moments. A simple (rather unheard of from me) and straightforward letter of introduction. I went to bed emotionally drained from this tiny little missive, hoping that sleep would wrap her arms about me and draw me into restful peace or at least keep me from opening your profile again. I had decided that I could not look at your profile again without making myself known and having some form of acceptance from you. I felt I owed you at least that for my hours long intrusion of the night before. Sleep was refused to me and my repose was unnaturally fitful. I have grown rather accustomed to broken sleep for most of my life, so for me to recognize this sleep as anything but the norm it truly was disturbed. I went to work and anticipated with every breath coming home to check my mail. I came through the door after work and raced to my computer, not even taking my coat or shoes off, loaded my home page, entered my name and password to see the most desired red light encapsulating the mailbox tab. I took off my coat and shoes, poured myself a glass of water and settled in to see who could possibly have mailed me. Wishing desperately that some letter from you was in there but believing more realistically that it was merely some new eastern world marriage proposal, I hesitantly opened my mailbox. My heart leapt into my throat and my breathing became extremely irregular when I saw your angelic picture beside the only mail in my inbox. I rationalized quickly that you were just being polite and nothing more. Tentatively I opened the mail to find my wildest dreams come true. Sure I didn’t know what a Skype was, but your were there and if not open armed, surely not closed arms either. Instantly any and all thoughts of leaving CS vanished.
I had a momentary lapse of reason as I sought the coins in my voluminous pockets and hit the damnable send button too quickly. I promise to try my best to remain in the correct frame of mind henceforth to fulfill my obligations to your enlightened self of grandiose prince...
Eureka!!!!! Or some such equivalent in the torrential dialect of which the prince is the sole master. I have discovered something that will rival the mastery of fire for the populace of this digital realm. If you post in regards to anything the lovely prince posts and neglect or in some other way forget to include the notorious click click thingy you will get no response. At first i was alarmed that perhaps my post was incoherent as often I can be, but then upon further examination I saw the sheer simlicity in my query and knew that a mind such as his could surely not have been clouded by its straight-forwardness (very difficult for me and the proof is in the hundreds of litanous posts I have scattered to the four winds of this lovely forum and as this one is fast becoming as well). Then I tried to seek another sort of angle to reason this lack of response out and I was at wits end. The solution to communication with the prince lies in the click clicks... as sure as when you drop your coins into a pay telephone and hear this ominous sound of mechanical hands transferring your hard won earnings to faces unknown he requires a direct line to respond. The call can never be completed as dialed without the proper compensation and I now know that my missive to him was entirely unreceived through no fault of his own but rather through my own foolishness to insert the money required for the call. The blame is mine and mine alone as the casing of the phone clearly states the method to which the device will best allow me to seek the comminique that I endeavour. So to you my friend prince, I adhere henceforth to the click click dealio just to ensure that whatever pangalactic phone you are currently sitting by receives my calls with the least distortion possible. Now if only I could figure out what currency they are using in your quadrant.
Falling is the most frightening experience one can have. We are born with feet firmly planted on the ground (OK so they are more like pressed against the warmth of our mother's womb but I am trying to illustrate a point so please bear with me for a moment). Life continually imprints the endless need for the stability of this foundation upon which we tread. Then out of the blue Love goes and lifts us up and throws us off a cliff of uncertainty. Now this is not as bad as it seems as long as you maintain the correct frame of mind for this event. First see it as flying upon the wings of Love that hold you adrift in the vapours of bliss. Secondly do try to refrain from the fetal position with arms locked about your knees and the hellacious screaming or you will most certainly find the plummet nowhere near as debilitating as the sudden impact. Looking down is akin to looking back. Our eyes were consciously evolved into the frontal portion of our heads and our feet likewise are directing the entirety of our bodies and lives to move forward. Let the impetus of motion lead you along the divine comedy and rhapsody that Love often involves. Spread your wings, and glorify in the exultation of freedom.
PPV, if the woman to whom you would give your hand and heart is truly what you believe, you would do her a great disservice by not respectfully stating your intentions to her father. He is the one man who will always Love her more than you, and has only the utmost concern for her welfare and future. Any man who could callously seek to remove her from her family and their involvement would in truth not deserve even the clippings from her nails. Old fashioned is not outdated and in your heart I know you will be this man to whom her father can look upon with pride and call a son. The mere fact that you have remained unwed in this day of fast food weddings is a testament to the man you truly are. For me likewise marriage is eternal and a once in a life-time deal. Hence I have never been married as the woman who fits that particular dress and shoe has never been in my life until I met her just a while back. Of course marriage is something which carries many differing connotations and it is all dependent upon which version you ascribe to. Do what your heart needs to feel that such a pure moment remains unsullied by internal conflict. Please stay away from Mary as she is quite unstable... her father likewise has a gun and it is reserved for the Shotgun Wedding concept moreso than as any sort of deterrent to her afectations. She is quite the burden at home of late and the family is shopping hither and thither to seek some far off place for her to call home. Just ask the cat and dogs (if there wherabout can be determined ever again) for proof in this sordid pudding.
To answer this post I would need one pertinent piece of information first. What are you my friend prince a cat or a dog? I understand how this off topic query could upset the delicate balance of your coherent thread but to me at least it is the foundation of how I could evef answer this question with any sort of veracity.
From a personal perspective I have written this in some sort of attempt to alleviate concerns that I have begun to have. As my profile states I am here for nothing more than friends and the forums (which allow me to dump to carnage of an overly active mind free of charge and with the small hope that occasionally some simple sentence that manages to fall out in a lucid form could possibly be coherent and in line with the OP of whichever thread grows unlucky enough to captivate my imagination and curiosity). I have indeed made a few very dear friends and opened the door to many acqauintances who in time may well consider me a friend as well. This is the fulfillment I seek here, and nothing more. On occasion I do receive mail that begins in such a modest manner, respectful of my clearly stated goals here, and sometimes it comes to a head where the person mailing me believes that I am merely wounded and withholding myself from some grand eloquence that they themselves have to offer. At times like these I am forced to become very blunt and reiterate my stance as nothing more than what I believe. It hurts me to seem so callous in my own defense, as I am in truth much better at defending others than myself. I try to be very cautious in any position where my words can be misunderstood for flirtation and ponder endlessly before I actually post where any thing I may have written could be seen in any way shape or form as any sort of invitation. Fortunately most who have written me in this manner have gracefully left well enough alone but on accoasion there are a few thus far who have become cold or bitter. I realize that I cannot please all of them, nor do I in truth wish to, but I do wish to remain at worst neutral and leave as slight a trail in their lives as possible. For clarity's sake my heart is spoken for and will remain so until I draw my last breath. I apologize in advance for any possibility that my involvement here can be misconstrued as any sort of relationship seeking. I know that the heart and mind can do things to our being that we are not very much in control of, and I do not seek to admonish anyone for thinking anything of me in that way. It is just that when I have been prompted to make my position clear I do hate the sour connotation that might arise. I would like to know if anyone has any meas by which they have successfully dissuaded (in the most altruistic manner only please!) someone from attempting to be more than they could ever be. Again I have met a few wonderful friends here and I do realize that their has to be some sort of connection for this to occur. But in these cases I must point out that they are the ones to whom my utmost respect goes out unfettered as that is exactly what they have shown me. My life would be much darker than it has to be withouth their light to share with me. I am truly blessed by their friendship and wouldn't trade any of the for the world. I just can't help but feel like a sore thumb at times. I am just a regular guy who tends to post in a long winded sort of way and I truly am sorry if this invokes any sort of curiosity that does not ultimately have friendship as its goal. I cannot offer more and at times it makes me feel more of a hindrance to these lovely women who would do best to be my friend or seek elsewhere for someone who can Love them in the way that they truly deserve.
Do the inherent obstacles of distance keep you separated from the one to whom you know your heart would indelibly be drawn had circumstances of distance not intervened to create seemingly inseparable gulfs? Are there persons here to whom you would divulge your desires if their profiles were more accepting of contact? Are there persons on this site who are not seeking to whom you wish you could have the chance to press a case for possibilities of enduring Love? Do some people cause you to feel less than worthy through no actions of their own other than their presence?
How do you overcome such barriers? Do you even consider the attempt to overcome these barriers?
I am just curious as to how those of us who are here for the forums and friends only could be negatively impacting the search for Love that is the ultimate purpose of this site. Personally I see those who are happily engaged in relations, fulfilling enough to allow them to maintain some sembance of presence here, as an educational experience and testament to the grace of Love which most seek. Do others see committed people as a deterent or hindrance much like a single's club filled with married couples?
Just curious, and hopefully not offensive in any way as I value all contributions to these forums from all person's single, looking, married or just taking a break from the rigors of Love's complicated game.
Men are like puppies. There are no good or bad ones. Just good or bad owners. We all just need a firm and gentle hand to direct us out of the primordial soup that inhabits the corresponding region where a woman's grey matter resides.
Sit in on groups of children to find out where my life went wrong and I managed to lose the most important things that mattered. I know the answers lie within their innocence and by seeing what they have and what I wish I yet had I would at least recognize the parts that have managed to created such burning pits in my being. Once recognized and defined I would take a very solitary position outside of my environment to ponder how best to regain what parts have not been severed completely.
Now now young lady I am by no means perfect and could never attain such a lofty position in a thousand lifetimes. Doctor's slap babies to knock the d*ck off the smart ones and sadly enough as I check again for the umpteenth time I yet have that secondary brain that deluges my faculties with erroneous information all the time. Of course in the life I have lived to date I do not know how I could go a single day ahead without my impetuous friend but I could do with a little less direction from him. His needs and mine are more often at odds than concurrent. So with that in mind I will remain a frail semblance of any sort of perfect and can only hope for the grace of the woman I Love to burn away the shadows that leech the definition from my self.
Ah my friend I am but a loon... it seems to affect your Northern neighbours to such a degree that we emblazoned it upon our currency as a badge of (dis/)honour. I like the song of the loon personally so I try to keep in tune with its haunting reflections.
Formidable is something we should all seek. There is no permanently submissive person in any healthy relationship and it does provide immense satisfaction to know without a doubt that when one does not have the force, focus, or other ability to overcome an obstacle that the other one will. The easy to be with partner is one who has lost much of their individuality, and often is a mere shadow of the pair. True respect comes in supporting even those ideals that threaten our own self-importance in our significant others. I do not really believe in common ground. Each person has walked their own path and gained the tools they required to best surpass obstacles and tests in life. Formidable is assuredly a commendable trait and one that is not seen as desirable by enough people. You have this in spades and it may be a blessing in ways you never even realized. It causes men who cannot bear being the one who always wears the pants, to fear you and leave you in realtive peace, free from their insipd manipulations.
BarrenPneuma Forum Posts (1,561)
RE: Normal and genuine
Never would I slander you with that particular title. More along the lines of authentic, unique, intriguing, or some such. An all around good person.