druidess6308 Forum Posts (13,695)

RE: Full moon stories anyone ?

Try tending bar on the night of a Full Moon!

RE: Full moon stories anyone ?

Why does that not surprise me, Vixen?

RE: Full moon stories anyone ?

I have trouble sleeping during the 7 nights of the Full Moon...the 3 before, night of, and the 3 after. It's due here on Thursday, and I'm going to my favorite Medicine Wheel for a ceremony. I love it when they hold those!

RE: Do Men Consider Women Over 40 All Washed Up?

Just like a man, selective hearing.

RE: Do Men Consider Women Over 40 All Washed Up?

Shoot, I hope not! Being in the middle of my 40's, I don't feel like I'm heading downhill yet by any means!

And many of them are there too, so they'd better not! Of course, if they do, there are 20-somethings who think we're hot!

To my fellow widows and widowers...

I know...which is why I reach out here when I face these dilemmas.

I wouldn't normally have said anything this early in the bud of a possible relationship if it weren't for the dilemma afoot.

Time will give me the answer...it's the only way I'll have it. But the echoes still ring.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Thank you, bro. I appreciate you sharing this with me. Since he's aware, and has a great sense of humor and can even appreciate the irony, and wants to give it a chance to see if I can get past it, I'm giving it that chance. As you say, I hate to throw away a chance at a good thing over a name. And yet, I hate to hurt anyone either, even unintentionally.

Life's a funny thing, eh, little brother?

As I said, the input of others, and the chance to see different points of view, as well as sharing my own thoughts, helps.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Thank you, Petal.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Mike, you're wise beyond your years. Thank you. A very good point you have there.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

I understand what you're saying, Petal. I'll be honest and say that there are two names I know I could never date men with again, because those men are still alive, I have to deal with them occasionally, and the associations I have with those names is very negative. Those are "ghosts" I definitely wouldn't want to take into bed with a new man!

The dilemma here comes more from the lack of negative association, and wondering if I can get past that connection with another it was so positive with...and he'd have to search to know within his soul if he can deal with it too. Will he know when I call out his name in the heat of passion that it's him I'm thinking of, or will he have doubts?

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Well, at least you've got the chance now to soul search this one ahead of time!

I don't know if it makes a difference how long you were with your departed spouse, and how long it's been, or not. I know you were married to your late wife for over 30 years, and my late husband and I were only together for two years...yet the love is deep, and the name thing still strikes odd. It brings echoes and ghosts. And that's what I have to consider.

I have never wanted to have the ghost of my late husband in bed with me with a new man, and have done all I can to prevent that so far...this was unanticipated.

But I've responded to him that since he wants to see if I can get past this, I would like to remain in contact and see if time is the key.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Thank you, John. I wondered if you'd ever thought about this or not. Funny, but we just don't think of these contingencies, do we?

And this is part of the purpose of this thread. Doing this helps me search my heart. I do that better in writing, and the forums give me an interactive search. I have such strength, and yet such a tender heart. If I shared his last email here, you'd see why I had to truly give it thought rather than just write it off.

I'm well and truly past my grieving, but that name is still so associated with my late love. It still gives me pause when I come across things from him...the odd email I hadn't deleted yet, or a letter. Some things never stop doing that when you've lost a loved one.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Thank you, Jesse. True on solutions, but as my previous posts regarding this show, that's not one I can do. Besides, everyone around him would be calling him by that name, not my name for him...so it's not really a full solution.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Ouch, Anna. But he did handle it wonderfully. I'm glad you found a good man now that you healed.

Thank you.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

I have to admit, that's not my style. I've never done the "pet name" or "love name" thing. And it doesn't change my awareness of his real name.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Good advice, and I think he would understand if I asked for a few days to do this. He really does seem like a good guy...one I could laugh with, and enjoy his company. A feeling, too...I find it hard to put gut instinct into words. But a feeling of the potential...and isn't that something we have to go on in the beginning here?

To my fellow widows and widowers...

I think if it had been a common name like that, I would have anticipated this, and maybe even have been past it. And I've always had an issue with "pet" names...besides, he signs his emails with it. To even remain in contact with him as a friend (which he showed a desire to do if possible on my part), means to see him sign it. It's stopped me and made me leave my computer twice. This third time was to digest his words and my feelings more than the name, but it's still part of it.

I'm sorry for your loss, Lookin. Thank you. Perhaps with time and exposure it can happen. I don't know. And as much as I believe in taking a chance and life always being about risk, this one truly takes more thought because I know going in that there's a reason that it might not work, and we might both get hurt.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Thank you, Star. And I'm sorry for your loss as well.

And yes, his reaction was very wonderful, which is why I put this out here for advice. And I'm seeking in my depths as well, trying to figure it out. Writing it here, and reading the responses of others and my own helps me to do that with such issues.

Blessings, and welcome to CS.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Yes, that's the feeling here. I'm healed enough to move on...but am I healed enough to give someone else with the same name a chance? Will I, or would I, ever be?

And thank you, Vixen. It's why I did welcome the viewpoints of others.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

Yep, just another militant feminist here, J.D

I think feeling that it shouldn't matter, but finding that it does, is part of the problem.

Projecting to the possible future, if I ever say, "I love you, Gene" to him, will it hurt because of the echo? And would I get over the echo, or would it always be there?

Would this put a ghost in bed with us if it goes that far?

These are the things I need to think of now so that I don't hurt a good man, and/or myself.

To my fellow widows and widowers...

I have a conundrum, one I feel only those who share these shoes can understand, though others are free to express their thoughts on this as well.

I'm in contact with a man who seems to be a lot of what would be a good match for me, and who I genuinely like so far. The problem presents in an unusual manner that I never prepared for dealing with, and it caught me off guard. See, he shares the same first name as my late husband. It's not a common name like Tom, Mike or John, so I hadn't really expected this to crop up.

His response when I told him I don't think I can get past this was humorous and warm, and touched me. But I still don't know if I can get past the name. I loved my late husband deeply, as those of you who have known me the past 10 months are well aware, and my full recovery from my grief is recent.

So...should I try to get past the name and give a good man a chance? Or leave it as I said, that it just can't be? Could you get past the name so soon with someone new?

I'm truly torn here, and unsure of whether or not I can, and should try. I could throw away a perfectly good relationship over something like a name...and yet, it's significant as well. I still really associate that name with the man I loved so very much...but it's good feelings I associate with it, not negative ones like my exes.

RE: Im too emotionally involved to see clearly

Although not always necessary, I'd say in this case it is necessary for you to cut all ties and let go. Why? Because if you don't, the pattern will repeat, and you'll be right back where you are now again.

And never look back and regret. You're going to need to do this to move on and heal, and she needs to have you do this in order for her to be able to heal as well.

I feel for you, honestly I do. Blessings.

RE: My heart can't stop pounding for him!

We get pretty real here, Venyov. Welcome to CS forums. It's a good place to hang out, make friends, and heal...just don't forget to get out in real life around you during the process too.

RE: Has this ever happened to you?

Very good analogy, Riz.

I'll wait for the chocolate covered apple.

RE: Would you date someone over 65 even if they didn't have money? Why or why not

No, whether he had money or not. Why? Because he'd be too old for me, regardless of his health or "mental" age.

As I posted in that other thread, I don't want to be nurse or nursemaid. I need someone around my own age, not 20 or more years older than me.

RE: My heart can't stop pounding for him!

Nobody has the right to judge you.

After four years in any relationship, it's time to take stock of you now and discover who you are deep inside. Take a look around you and find places that you like to go that feel good to you, and find hobbies that you enjoy. Look into yourself for a while, and heal. You need to do this before you can think of getting into another relationship, or you'll choose another that has no future because it's not based in emotional health.

Blessings on your journey. See where it takes you...it can be a lot of fun to discover yourself while you heal.

RE: religious conversion ?

No need, Jash, especially on a dating site.

RE: Hi From Arizona

Welcome to CS, Momma! Enjoy the nut house!

RE: age???

Yes, actually I think it does. I couldn't date anyone old enough to be my father or young enough to be my son. I have a good age range for compatibility with me, and it's old enough to share a lot of the same history, and have a lot of time potentially left together to journey through life.

I don't want to be his nurse or his nursemaid.

RE: Answers.....anyone??

Luv ya, my friend.

Yep, I saw both of you there...tough school, but it teaches you strength and wisdom if you pay attention in the right classes.