Don’t try them, trust me. You’ll either get laughed in your face, get slapped, or have your teeth punched out. Some might even get you murdered.
10. The oil-filter section at the auto parts warehouse - Well, hello there, you little snack, you. You can play under my hood any time you want. How about you come home with me, you borrow a blue worker’s overall and I let you play with my monkey wrench?
9. The confession booth at the Catholic church - Forgive me father, but I want to sin a bit now. Do you have any good tip on which of these sweet crackers stood in line outside are willing to do it under the altar when you’re done with your thing here?
8. Waiting room to where they put down sick animals at the Animal Hospital - Nevermind the dog now, it’s as good as dead anyway! Let’s go home to you and hump like two rabbits on crack, instead of being sat here crying over spilled fur?
7. Seconds before they open up Shoes’R’Us for the annual big sales, when 1,200 women are about to storm the place and attack them shoes like Ninjas. - Why don’t you come home to me and take off my shoes, instead of be standing here elbowing your way for yet another pair?
6. During the annual parent’s meeting at your kids school - Is your man perhaps on a business trip, mama?
5. A Hells Angels party out on their ranch - I can scratch you where you have an itch, you know, until he’s served his sentence, would you like that?
4. The rough little local down on the corner where only drunks hang out - I thought that was smeared lipstick you had on your face from when you fell into a short coma, smacked your head into your shoulder-bag which was on the bar, and you smashed everything with your right cheekbone, but that’s dried blood from when you hit your face in the door while you were on your way to the toilet, isn’t it?
3. Party at your neighbors, with whom you previously have never spoken, you just met them down at the rough little local on the corner where only drunks hang, three bottles of Vodka have been downed at fast pace, it’s 3:45 in the morning - What say you, woman, do you wanna? He’s asleep anyway, your bloke.
2. Kurdish wedding at a big rented suburban restaurant - Don’t you want to join me in the pantry and I’ll show you some real Halal, honey?
1. VD-clinic, waiting-room - Hello love, how about when you’ve checked whether you have Chlamydia or not, and I’ve checked whether I have rocket-scabies or just plain old scabies, we go home to my place for some new adventures?
He noticed me from several yards afar, that I was heading his way. He had placed his suitcases back-to-back now, and was sat on top of them. It looked a bit funny, because the legs were dangling, didn’t reach all the way down to the ground. Somewhat like a young lad sat on a pier fishing, with his legs dangling above the water.
Again, that look, the heavy within which so obviously was torturing this man’s soul, and on full display in his eyes.
The moment before he noticed me, it was there, but as soon as he saw me, he jumped down off his ”home” and a most generous, wonderful smile spread on his face.
I can’t suggest it was a beautiful smile in the regard of it being suitable for a toothpaste manufacturer. Several teeth were missing and those remaining didn’t show much life to be left in them. But, damn, it was a much sincere one, and felt so powerful in its grandness somehow. From him looking deeply depressed, to, in an instant, this…. great joy!
I already had a copy of his magazine. He didn’t have a new issue to sell. I got another anyway. One for the owner of the pub I was heading to, where I was to watch AC Milan play Sampdoria.
- Hi, it’s 50 (Swedish), right? I asked - Yeah, he answered with a very noticeable Danish accent. I knew he got almost half of those 50.
I got my copy.
- What’s your name? I asked - Its name is Faktum, it’s a magazi…. he started. As if he couldn’t imagine anyone would ask what his name would be. - No, no, what is your name? I said, touched his shirt with one of the corners of the magazine I was holding, as to mark - Henrik, he replied, with a big grin. - Have a great day, Henrik, I said, and then moved on.
Damn, I felt great afterwards. It wasn’t I feeling happy about myself, don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t something in the Nobel Prize vicinity I’d gone and done, it wasn’t I patting myself on the back, feeling mighty good. No! It was solely to do with that smile of his. To see a man go from desperately sad, to incredibly happy, in a blink, for such a small thing as being noticed in the whirlpool of human bodies. It made my day.
And then it hit me. I never told him my name. How bloody impolite. I have to, tell Henrik next time. Henrik of Denmark.
Beehive hairdo, 45 on the hip Patrolwoman Saunders, don't you give her no whip Took me to the station for a breathtest then back to the bedroom for some house-arrest
Women in uniform, sometimes they look so cold Women in uniform, but, Oh! They feel so warm Coming back to London on a 747 Stewardess made me feel like I'm in heaven Looking up the aisle to see what I could see She leaned over said; Give it to me White apron, brown leather shoes The nurse at the clinic left my heart all bruised Gave me a massage, sprained my right Now she takes my temperature every night
Women in uniform, Women in uniform Women in uniform, Women in uniform Commando raid on the Lebanese border Sergeant Anita, she gives the order Khaki jacket and a love gun Baby, I surrender, let's have some fun
Instead, don't you have a baseball bat you can knock me over the head with just about the time I'm having that image of mine. That'd be a good way to go coma.
Is it OK for a nun to rub “herself” against a tombstone?
If an insomniac narcoleptic is driving the midnight train to Georgia, will you hear the bridge crumble?
If a boat’s doing 40 knots towards a pier, and 2 boat-lengths from the pier it slows down to 30 knots, how much time would you need to re-build the pier?
Is PMS a bliss in a bloody aching disguise?
How many questions does one get to ask in a life before one’s struck on the head by the Lord, like a lad who’s struck with a frying pan over his head by a lad called Billy?
Is a p a mirrored, upside down d, or the other way around?
How many questions can I ask before I become an exclamation mark?
I know my mother’s once told me what she used to sing to me, but I can’t remember it. I do know it wasn’t a children’s song but some old traditional Croatian tune.
Most traditional Croatian songs are about broken hearts, hardship in life, rough times, which explains why I’m often restless in my sleep, at times mumble things impossible to understand, and switch position 246 times a night.
Do you remember / know if anything special was sung to you as a kid? Perhaps your father did an Elvis impersonation routine, with the "be bop a lula" and the whole package, or your mom would head-bang and sing….. It’s a long way to the top, if you wannna rock’n’roll?
What do I know.
And how about the parents here, do you sing to your kid(s)?
In a parallel universe there’s someone just like you, posting the same exact questions, at the same exact times, at the same exact intervals, with the same emoticons, with the same, but in reverse.
PietroPaoloV Forum Posts (722)
RE: Madonna
I wouldn't want herNot for all the virgin money in the world
No after she murdered the classic tune Fever