well, i dont put curvy. but if someone asks, ill say i am curvy. ive been labeled as curvy. im a bigger girl, but im not outta shape. i run the mile faster then most 115 pound girls. [5 minutes and 46 seconds] i can run fast and for long distances. just cause you look at a woman and she looks "fat" doesnt mean shes outta shape... maybe she does just have curves. maybe she was blessed with hips and a chest bigger then a b cup. doesnt make her fat or out of shape.
some guys just dont get that. this guy i was dating just recently... not only drunk calls, but drunk texts. those are interesting. trying to figure out what its SUPPOSE to say. hah, very nice.
but really, drunk calling someone. STUPID. and immature. if you know youre a drunk dialer... put your phone somewhere before you start drinking. thatll prevent you from f#cking up a potential relationship. its really NOT rocket science ya know?
today is two weeks. its getting easier, i guess. i can finally look at his pictures. or read notes or saved messages. i can listen to our favorite songs. and watch our favorite shows, movies, or funny videos. and i dont cry anymore.
i get choked up, but at least i dont cry.
to all who supported me and helped me through this; theres not enough days in my lifetime to thank you.
last night before work, for some reason i lost it. i saw a picture, heard a song, and i broke down. i cried for a good two hours. i said a prayer for a sign that it wasnt just a dream. and i looked up to see a chipmunk running under a bush. it may have just been a coincidence to most. but blake use to always call me a chipmunk. and i called him a zebra. so i took it as a sign that hes okay. this morning, i looked at his picture when i got home from work. and i smiled, i actually smiled. todays gonna be a better day, i know it will be.
thanks again for all your support. it means the world to me.
i do accept. ha. thank you. i was on a friends personal website. and the one of the songs played at the funeral plays on the welcome page. and i just broke down and started crying again. maybe im not as at peace with it all.
but i can say this, im not mad at god anymore. im more jealous that hes spending all of eternity with blake. ive gotta wait until im however old to see him again.
oddly enough. today was a lot better. i was more at peace. and i slept. he came to me in my dream. he hugged me and said, "ahh, come on now. whatcha cryin for? you gotta stop that. im just fine. life could always get worse."
i woke up and it felt like a weight has been lifted off of my chest.
i dont think it was just a dream to be completely honest.
thanks all. knowing im not alone helps a lot. its just hard to deal with. he was usually the person i went to when i was crying. and i want to run to him now. but i cant. and it hurts so much.
the viewing was yesterday. the funeral was today. and ive never been so torn apart in my entire life. its still hard to believe that hes gone. i would give anything to have him back here. i miss that boy more the anything.
i love you blake andrew, till the sun burns out. [times shifty shive, hehe] best friends forever and ever. save me a spot up there, right next to you.
i got home from work wednesday morning. [i work third shift] i felt like i was having a panic attack. for no reason at all. i called my mother to talk to her about it. my little brother, who is a freshmen in high school and lives with my mother, walked into the room my mom was in and began demanding my mothers attention. since the phone is pretty loud i could hear everything and it was very clear. brother: "mom remember my friend josh?" mother: "yes, what about him?" brother: "his brother blake died this morning." already in a fit and crying i began to scream at the top of my lungs and fell to the floor shaking so badly i couldnt stand. my brother and this boy josh have been friends since they were in first grade. thus ive known the family since. his brother, blake, who passed away, and i became very close also as he was just a year below me in high school. blake is the one person who knew me inside and out, better then i knew myself, if you will. after i graduated blake and i drifted and i found it harder and harder to find time to see him. blake was a senior in high school, 18 years old, perfectly health boy, honor stupid, drumline leader for our schools marching band, played soccer and baseball, a real allstar to say the least. he had an air pocket in his brain the ruptured tuesday night while he was in the bathroom after a shower. his mother found him around 1130pm tuesday night unresponsive, he was rushed to the hospital and pronounced dead at 1204am wednesday morning.
i havent felt so terribly since my grandmother passed away. theres so much i want to say to him. so many things he will never know. its only been a few days and i already miss him so much. i havent slept since tuesday morning before work. and everytime i eat i get sick. i cry nonstop. everyone is telling me, crying wont bring him back, and this i know, but i cant stop crying.
RIP B.A.V- i miss you terribly, you'll never be forgotten, pinky promise. i love you.
thanks for your support guys. it means a lot. they have checked for pretty much everything. i went to er like 3 months ago and i was tested for lyme and west nile. and it was both negative.
so thats good though.
ive been researching a lot on fibromyalgia. and my doctor did like a questionaire screening test. and i got 14 out of 15. so it is pretty much garunteed thats what it is. but i guess ill find out soon enough.
thanks to all of you for your support and positive thoughts.
the sydrome itself is not as bad as people make it seem. like, i can treat the symptoms. i cant cure it, but i can treat it. if that makes sense...? haha.
well ive been getting random body aches. and muscle spasms, migranes, cant sleep. and a whole bunch of other stuff. its been going on for probably about 6 months now. i went to the doctors. and he is sending me to a neurologist to be screened for fibromyalgia.
[i just got the call like 5 minutes ago that he was sending me to the neurologist's]
ha, thats good to know. im really good at saying things. and then offending other people. when that WAS NOT my intention. haha, either way, i apologize.
i suppose youre right. haha, ive just been messing up QUITE a bit lately. youd think i would learn huh? apparently its that young and stupid stage im going through.
i havent had enough sleep in the past week. and its catching up with me. and im terribly sick. and on top of that... i did something stupid... and i may have messed up something great.
so needless to say. im feeling pretty low right now.
so long as they are being eaten i do not see a problem with it. and i know that it needs to be done, but i live in my own little world... haha, where it doesnt happen i guess.
i used to be a red vegetarian. then i got sick because i didnt have enough iron in my system. and i was hospitalized. so i HAVE to eat red meat.
i wasnt trying to offend anyone. because i do understand we all believe in different things.
i understand hunting for the food. but some do it for game. and to me that is wrong. the way i see it... we have countries which are over populated. much the communities of the animals hunted. but it is morally and ethically wrong to just shooting them.
BUT as long as it is for food... im okay with it and i see no harm. just the pictures made me a little woozy. ha.
as an animal rights activist... i would just like to know... did you HAVE to kill the deer? was it really needed? honestly? the pictures of the deer made my stomach sick. but hey, whatever makes you happy. my stepdad hunts. i lecture him everytime he leaves.
kayrachelle Forum Posts (84)
RE: why do women use the word curvy, when theyre out of shape
AMEN!