For every stage in life,there are two things involved.Its either you're born a man or you're born a woman.If you're born a woman,you're saved.If you're born a man,there are 2 things involved.
Its either you're a civil servant or you're in the military.If you're a civil servant you're saved.If you're in the military,there are two things involved.Its either you're at the war front or you're in the office.If you're at the office you're saved.If you're at the war front,there are two things involved.
Its either you survive or you get killed.If you survive,you're definitely saved.But if you get killed,there are two things involved.
Its either you're used as manure for growing flowers or trees.If you're used for growing flowers,you're saved.If you're used for growing trees,there are two things involved.Its either you're used for making furnitures or you're used for making toilet paper & sanitary pads.If you're used for furniture,you're saved.But if you're used for toilet paper and sanitary pads,there are two things involved.
Its either you're use by a man(toilet paper) or a woman.If used by a man,you're saved.If you're used by a woman,there are two things involved.Its either you're used for the front or used for the back.If you're used for thd back,you're saved.But if you're used for the front,there is only ONE THING INVOLVED.
You'll get really nasty than you were in your formal life!!
There was a rumour that Pa John,who was a farmer had started to grow marijuana in his farm.So the police sent an officer over to PJ's farm to do some inspection.
PJ was doing some work bent over when the officer came.He told PJ about his mission and PJ said,"al'right,you can do your lil'something but don't go over there",he said pointing to an area with a little fence.The officer sensed this as a challenge,brought out his badge and barked at PJ."Hey old man,do you know what this is?It's a badge of authority and i'm gonna search where ever i wanna search!Got it?And to show you how serious i am,i'm gonna search that area first".
All PJ did was stare as the officer jumped over the little fence.
Few minutes later,the officer came running shouting for help with a big bull chasing him from behind.
Old PJ leaned over the fence and shouted,"Your bagde!Your badge!!Show him authority.Show him your badge!!!".
Little Sam's birthday was coming up so he thought it was time to tell his mum the gift he wanted from her.He walked up to her in the kitchen and said,"mum,i want a bike as a gift for my birthday".Sam's mum knew Sam was not really a good kid and sensing his desperation for a bike,she thought this was the perfect opportunity to make him a good kid.So she said,"Sam,before you think of getting a bike,you will have to write a letter to Jesus and apologise for all the bad things you've done.Tell him you're very sorry and henceforth,you will be a good kid.I'll help you post it,okay?"
Sam went into his room,shut the door and decided to write a letter to Jesus.
LETTER 1: Dear Jesus,i know i've not been a very good kid.I am very s..
Sam dropped the pen down and thought to himself that this wasn't working.So,he tore the letter and decided to write another.
LETTER 2: Dear Jesus,i know i've not been the nicest kid.I ..
Again,sam realised something was missing and decided to write a third.
LETTER 3: Dear Jesus,i know i've been a very but kid.But i ...
For the third time,sam felt something was wrong and it made his really furious.So,he put on his shoes and told his mum he was going to church.His mother felt pure joy in her heart that sam was going to pray to God for all the bad things he had done.
Sam strolled into the church and went straight to the statue of Mary.He just kept staring and when he realised nobody was close,he grabbed it and slipped it into his coat.
Sam rushed home and went straight to his room,shut the door and decided to write his final letter.
LETTER 4: Dear Jesus,i've got your MAMA!So,you better send me that bike if you wanna see her again!
FINE:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
5 MINUTES:If she is getting dressed,this is half an hour.
NOTHING:This is the calm before the storm.This means something and you should be on your toes because an argument that starts with "nothing" usually ends up with "fine".
GO AHEAD:This is a dare not permission.Don't do it!
LOUD SIGH:This is not actually a word but it's a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she's standing there with you arguing over "nothing".
THAT'S OKAY:This is one of the most dangerous statement a woman can make to a man."THATS OKAY" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you are going to pay for your mistake.
THANKS:A woman is thanking you.Do not question it or faint.Just say "you're welcome".
During one of her daily classes,a teacher who is keen on teaching her students good manners asked a question:
'Michael,if you're on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,how're you going to tell her you want to use the bathroom?'
Mic said:'Just a minute,i want to go pee'.
The teacher responded by saying:'that will be impolite & rude'.
Then,she turned to Bobby & asked:'what about you?'
Bob said:'i'm sorry,but i need to go use the bathroom.i'll be back'.
The teacher stood still,pointed at Johnny & said:'is there any way you can say that without using the word "bathroom"?'
Johnny stood up,thought for a while & said:'Darling,may i please be excused for a minute?i have to go shake hands with a very good friend of mine,whom i hope to introduce to you after dinner'.
Johnny and his father were in a mall.they were amazed by everything they saw but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide together again. Johnny asked, "dad,what is this?" the father (who had never see an elevator) replied, "son,i have no idea".
While they stood,an old lady on a wheel chair walked into the elevator and the door closed.johnny and his father watched as the numbers above the wall light up sequentially.
They continued to watch as it light down the last number and then,took the reverse direction.finally,the doors opened and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.the father,not taking eyes off the blonde quietly said to johnny... "Go get your mother"...
I was in a resturant yesterday when i suddenly realised i had to pass gas.the music was really,really loud so i timed myself with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs,i started to feel better.i finished my coffee and noticed that everybody was starring at me...
Then,i suddenly remembered that i was listening to my iPod...
A guy is stranded on an island with only a doberman and a pig for company.there is plenty of food and water and the weather is beautiful.so,he is doing alright-but after a few months,he gets lonely...
The pig starts to look more beautiful and attractive-soft,pink,fresh,round buttocks etc.but anytime the poor guy advances towards the pig,the doberman begins to snarl and once almost bit hit legs.it was very frustrating.
One day,he sees a speck towards the horizon and swims towards it to rescue a drowning girl.he drags her to his hut and does his best to revive her.
Finally,she is able to walk and talk.she says "thank you very much for saving my life.i'll do anything you ask.anything,just name it".
The guy sits and things for a minute and says "would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Sammyjosh13 Forum Posts (92)
THE TWO STAGES OF LIFE.
For every stage in life,there are two things involved.Its either you're born a man or you're born a woman.If you're born a woman,you're saved.If you're born a man,there are 2 things involved.Its either you're a civil servant or you're in the military.If you're a civil servant you're saved.If you're in the military,there are two things involved.Its either you're at the war front or you're in the office.If you're at the office you're saved.If you're at the war front,there are two things involved.
Its either you survive or you get killed.If you survive,you're definitely saved.But if you get killed,there are two things involved.
Its either you're used as manure for growing flowers or trees.If you're used for growing flowers,you're saved.If you're used for growing trees,there are two things involved.Its either you're used for making furnitures or you're used for making toilet paper & sanitary pads.If you're used for furniture,you're saved.But if you're used for toilet paper and sanitary pads,there are two things involved.
Its either you're use by a man(toilet paper) or a woman.If used by a man,you're saved.If you're used by a woman,there are two things involved.Its either you're used for the front or used for the back.If you're used for thd back,you're saved.But if you're used for the front,there is only ONE THING INVOLVED.
You'll get really nasty than you were in your formal life!!