Thanks for your response. Our situation was not one of becoming unhappy; we were deliriously happy. When he ended it, he said that he loves me, I'm the best relationship he's ever had and probably ever will have. But it's just more complicated. Anyway, thank you for your answer.
If you loved the woman still, but knew that the relationship couldn't go any further due to insurmountable and sadly unfortunate circumstances...and you see no choice but to end it... Well, I guess my question is this: When you make the decision to end a relationship while it is still very good, but you see no other choice....are you able to get her out of your thoughts once you've made that decision? I guess I just wonder if he thinks of me as much as I do him. His decision was really the only logical choice, for reasons that aren't important. I actually understand why he felt he had to end it. The love never died, but there was an elephant in the room that we could no longer ignore. So....now that he made the cut.... Does he think of me?
I know this is a broad question and everyone is different, but I'd be interested in hearing from the men here about what goes on in their heads after the love is not gone, but the lover is...and it was your decision to end it.
(By the way, it wasn't a short-term fling; it was 16 months in duration)
When I'm NOT in love, I want to be. Having been in love in the past, I recall how wonderful it feels...and how wonderful I feel. So I go through the motions that we all often do...the meeting, dating, "trying out for size" stuff. It feels so empty and fruitless at times. Eventually, that special someone comes into my life, I fall in love and I feel wonderful again. Then, for whatever reason, things don't turn out as hoped. Heartache and pain replace joy and fulfillment. Better to have loved and lost? I don't really think so. Emptiness doesn't hurt.
If your statement (B) is true....why might this be?
And, if I don't see your response before I go to sleep (which will have to be very soon), I want to add that your information, along with Wikileaks as a whole, is extremely one-sided, biased, and ill-informed. Your last paragraph implies that the reporting from Kenya, Cote d'Ivoire, etc., has exposed injustices and horrific situations...and yet you say that the cables from other nations represent about 1/3 of what Wikileaks has at its disposal. One can only infer that you are saying that other nations reporting=good; our reporting=bad. You are grossly misguided and sadly ill-informed. I've personally seen many cables written by American diplomats that have exposed similar injustices and have heightened awareness to human rights issues such as human trafficking, women's oppression, piracy, human smuggling, religious oppressions, and more. And yet, with all that I know for a fact that we do abroad, you point out the positive actions of Cote d'Ivoire, Kenya, et al. Oh, and by the way.....before you question MY awareness, check my profile and see what I do for a living. I am not a biased woman with any particular agenda. You might write something else about another political matter with which I will fully concur. But, in this case....regarding Wikileaks and its being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize....well, ask yourself one question: Is it ok for someone to publish what you never intended to make public? Have you ever written anything in a diary or to a dear friend...perhaps about a lover you had or wanted to have? You wouldn't mind if I posted it all on the Internet, would you? After all....it's just exposing the truth, right?
I'm exhausted. I may be incoherent in my writing now, so I'll go straight to bed, but I hope to see more on this tomorrow.
Does anybody wonder why Wikileaks....if it is in fact wishing to expose "the truth"....only targets the U.S.? Do you think for one moment that the 1000s of U.S. diplomats around the globe are the ONLY diplomats who report back to their leadership? How easy it is for everyone to say "Yay for the truth!!!" and yet, how naive of you to believe that this is the whole truth. When Wikileaks posts reporting cables from other nations' embassies in Moscow or Beijing or Havana or Tehran or Riyadh or wherever, then -- and only then -- might you have a semblance of truth. Until then, what you have is nothing more than one side of reality. Yes, these cables are real. They are documentations of conversations and observations; they are eyewitness accounts of events, meetings, and phone calls; they show what goes on behind the scenes when an Ambassador meets with a Foreign Minister or calls a Prime Minister to address any number of issues. But if you think for one moment that the U.S. is the only nation that has diplomats abroad and who sends reports back to their nation's capital...then you are a fool. If Wikileaks wanted to truly expose "truth" (and I put this word in quotes because a reporting cable is mostly an observation)...then they would ensure that all sides had a voice. And up til now, I have seen no release of cables from Beijing, Moscow, Tehran....etc.
OK....I'll say it. First of all, I don't for a single second assume that you might be interested in me, so this is not coming from a place of ego or snobbery. I'll only say that I (and I can only speak for myself) am only interested in men who can read and write as well as I can, if not better. Your post is full of errors; I would feel very hard-pressed to communicate with you. You might be a wonderful and very kind and good man, but if you can't write one sentence without approximately 8 or 9 errors, I see that as a red flag... someone with whom I would have nothing in common.
So...my answer to you is this: Not all women avoid communication with a man because of prior relationship issues or former liars and cheaters; some avoid communication simply because the communication is...or will be...at a level with which we don't choose to engage.
And herein lies the problem....no matter how much profiling is done, no matter how many supposed threats are encountered, there is no way to determine, in reality, who is really a threat. This is the basis of all that we question... and of all that we support. It's a hell of a game plan, though, don't you think? Keep them guessing every step of the way. And as we're all taking off our shoes and storing our lotions in little plastic bags, someone is out there, honing in on our Metros or bridges or some other mass transportation system. Your question, Steve, is should we decrease our airport security....my answer, such as it is, is that we should certainly never announce it, if we do. Never take a step backward and tell the world you're doing so; but, perhaps, nor should we ever take a step forward and tell the world we're doing so, either. Some changes that we implement cannot be kept secret, but others do not need to be made so public. We do not always have to announce when we increase security at one airport or another....we just need to do it! Our biggest problem??? We talk too damned much! National security (no matter what the nation) is not secure when you hear about the new measures on the nightly news. Clamp down on the media a bit; then, perhaps, some of our measures employed might actually have some effect.
I don't know you and you don't know me, but I would venture to say that we are (at least most of us here) all poor...so...viva das capital?? Not so much for me. But nor do I say "to hell with capitalism" for that is not an answer that serves me well, either. Don't we tend to find our moralistic, patriotic, and economic ideals shaped by our own circumstances in life? Or do we form our circumstances based on our financial, moral, and patriotic ideals? Aren't we all a bit "happily complacent" when things are going our way? We turn a blind eye to the injustices and inequalities because to do otherwise would be akin to shooting ourselves in the foot, as has been the case in Greece and other countries now dealing with "Ta Metra"....the measures...the austerity measures, that is. Everybody knew that the only way to get proper medical attention was to slip the doctor and the anesthesiologist and God knows who else a few extra hundred euros; everybody knew that you could buy your way out of something or into something else. This was implicit, it was understood. Now, however, it seems that accountability is required. Wow. What a concept! I love my adopted nation, Greece...but she is in serious trouble. This should not, to the rest of us, serve as an example of pity or a "woe is me" scenario....this, but for the will of God or the gods, must serve as a warning...an example...of what can happen when the fat hands of corruption tighten around our necks, even if those same hands seemed at one time alluring. The reality is that the cliche is true....what goes around, comes around....even if it takes decades. And there is a part of me that says, "Hell, Yes!"
From Ray: "Yes, that's true to a certain extent. The Greek people were happily complacent in the face of corruption as long as their personal lifestyle was good.
The same is true for the US and most western nations. Personal interest is all that counts for most people. They may rationalize and invent reasons for their political stance, but in truth, perceived economic interest is the only real issue for most, especially the wealthy."
Of greater importance to me is to be with someone who is financially RESPONSIBLE. I am responsible with my money, I invest, I save, and I spend with discretion. But, as hard as I try to plan for my future, I may still end up buying cat food for my dinners one day. One can never be 100% certain or secure, but attention to one's future and planning for the same -- i.e., responsibility -- is very important to me.
Wouldn't matter if I was here or back in the States...I generally base my beliefs and ideals on logic. Funny thing, this. I often wish I didn't have such a logical way of viewing things, for it often stands in my way. Ahhh, perhaps that's a bit cryptic. I'll just say that I do love this region, I do feel that I have a good understanding of the people and the lifestyle, and I'm quite happy and at home here. When the day comes, as it will, that I have to leave and go back "home", I will be kicking and screaming all the way!
Well, with me there is always some sort of news! You may have to refresh my memory, for unlike you...I may be suffering from dementia! Your message made me smile...your "very own adopted US lady in the Med...".....this is exactly what I wish to be!
Hi....remember me? I've been away for quite awhile, primarily because I've been busy wrapping things up in Athens and moving on to my next (current) posting in Nicosia, Cyprus. So, here I am in Cyprus now...adapting, adjusting, trying to sort out driving on the other side (ok, I'll say it the way I want to say it...the WRONG side!) of the road, etc.
Thought I'd pop in and see what's happening here these days. I probably won't see many familiar faces anymore, but I'll read some of the forums and see what's going on these days.
We have an age difference that is no slight thing, this man and I. And, although there are those times when I wish I was younger (I won't deny it), there are other times when I recognize that my age has taught me many things, among which is the fact that life is indeed too short. I have to life my brief existence in a way that best suits me, and that includes freely giving my love to someone, when I feel it, without concern for what others may say or think. I'm not that interesting a person...any gossip that has me as its root won't last too long; whoever is doing the gossiping will soon grow tired of me as a subject and move on to someone more exciting. I give him credit...he introduced me to all of his friends and to his brother, not denying our relationship or trying to hide it. But, he can only take this just so far before he hits a big wall, and I do understand this. It's the old saying...he can't live with me, can't live without me. Sigh.
And, best to you, too. I've always enjoyed your intelligent and humorous posts!
Update and question... Since I wrote this and had indeed found the resolve to walk away... in fact, having told him "goodbye" (a word I had never said before to him), he has been calling, emailing, texting, etc.
He felt my absence and, again, my resolve...and I think it scared him a bit.
I told him I am not a puppet or a toy...you don't pull my strings, cut them, repair them and pull them in again. I am sorting this out for myself, firmly clear about the fact that I love him, but I love myself more.
I have no doubt he loves me; he just doesn't know what to do with it.
So, I ask....
Is the fear of losing someone you love a greater impetus than just loving?
Oh, my God....poor thing! I'm glad to hear that she is on the road to recovery, but I know it's a difficult road and I feel horrible for what she's endured. Please give her my best.
It was on...it was briefly off...then it was full on again for another 7 months...then it was off. It started to be "on" again. This man that I fell in love with and who fell in love with me, as well...he and I simply cannot be what we want to be together. There are just too many obstacles in the way. We started to fall into it again. We split in May, but started finding our way back to each other again in July. When my mother recently died, it was him that I turned to. I have had a number of wonderful nights with him recently; last night was amazing. We went out to dinner, talked and laughed as we had always done together, went back to his place, had a truly beautiful time together. Tonight, he is working. At his invitation, I went over to visit him and to pass some time together (again, as we used to do). But I hadn't been there long before I told him that I needed definition. I needed clarity about what was happening between us, for I refuse to go through the heartbreak again. I told him I needed to know now...tonight...before I become too weak again. He told me he loves me, but cannot have the kind of relationship with me that I want. He is younger than me, I will be leaving Greece soon, etc. I got the clarity I was looking for, so I thanked him, got up, told him I love him, and I left. Walking away was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it was what I needed to do. I found the strength, somehow. And I haven't shed a tear, so it must have indeed been what I needed to do.
This isn't the kind of thread that asks for comments or replies, but please feel free to add some if you choose to. If not, I just had to let it out.
My sense of humor has served me well...better, in fact, than my sense of direction in my life. If I can't figure it out in my head, I'll find a way to laugh it off and, ultimately, all works out.
Sorry, sister...I just felt it was time. These poor men have been wondering about this for decades...centuries....I just felt it was time to put them out of their misery. Mea culpa.
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
Men...when you end a relationship.....
Thanks for your response. Our situation was not one of becoming unhappy; we were deliriously happy. When he ended it, he said that he loves me, I'm the best relationship he's ever had and probably ever will have. But it's just more complicated. Anyway, thank you for your answer.