Thank you all. I'm tremendously sad at the moment, yet somehow tremendously joyful inside. How lucky I am....how blessed. For I've been loved by the most incredible people one could ever hope to know. Family, friends, lovers, husbands (2 of them). I may appear to be alone in life, but I can't begin to express how wrong that image truly is.
Some of you "know" me, many don't. I don't post here much these days, but I pop in now and then. Some may recall I had found love in my life during the past year, some may say "I told you so" now that I acknowledge that it's over. We were perfect together, yet miles apart by the rules of society, and like it or not...some do still feel pressured by such rules. I'll cut to the chase. He ended it because he didn't know what to do with me in his life. There's a pretty substantial age difference, in fact, and we are from 2 different cultures (him Greek, me American). We had 8 wonderful months. Anyway, yesterday my mother died. In my time of needing a friend, I called the man who had been my best friend for those 8 months. We spent 5 hours together yesterday evening, able to finally be at peace with what we meant to each other. I know this is long, but this is a letter I wrote to some friends and I just wanted to share it because some of you here on CS have also touched my life and this applies to those of you, too.
Thank you ...for being my friends, for always being there for me, whether I felt at the time that I needed you or not....you were there. Thank you for your thoughts now as I begin my journey at a time when my mother ended hers. Or, perhaps, at a time when my mother also begins a journey. Thank you for putting up with and understanding my weaknesses. Thank you for turning to me for strength when you feel weak or in need. Thank you for letting me spill my guts, probably too freely for my own good. Thank you for knowing that there's no right or wrong in love....there's just love. Thank you for giving me the time I needed to find my smile again. Thank you for still being here as I try to recapture my heart. I know where it is and I'd like it back again, but it's in a good place. If it stays where it is, there are far worse places for it to reside.
He played a song for me on his guitar last night. He looked at me, said "I want to play this for you" and it was beautiful. Perhaps he just wanted to play me a song, perhaps he wanted to say something through his music that he couldn't say in words. Whatever it was, the image of this beautiful long-haired man playing this song is forever burned in my head. It's called "Love Thing."
I still grieve for him as I now add the loss of my Mom (her name was Jennie, by the way) to my grief. And yet I'm at peace.....because grief is about love. I never doubted Mom's love. I'm now certain of his. It's a Love Thing, after all.
Thank you guys. I don't know where I'd be without you.
Kalo Taxidi, Jennie. I'll be home soon. I know you're at peace now....and, finally....so am I.
I don't really think that women want bad boys....we just don't want men who are not secure and confident in who they are. Do men want women who are uncomfortable in their own skin? Come on... let's all get real here. I don't want a BAD man...I want a man who exudes confidence. Not arrogance, not an a**hole...a confident, yet good man. There is a difference.
How do I have peace within myself and how am I happy in my life? I just look around me. I see the butcher as I pass his shop and he waves and says hello to me, calling me by name, in Greek. I have the same interaction with the fruit and vegetable vendors, the shoe repair man, the waiter at my local cafe who brings me my coffee, the bartender and dj at my local watering hole, and the old man with missing teeth at the hardware shop who winks at me when I come in and jokingly tells me that the extension cord I need to buy will cost 1,000 euros. My happiness and my peace of mind come from my interactions with people, far more of them positive than negative. The negative interactions are just small bumps in the road; they don't impact my journey. I'm blessed. I recognize this every day. That is my peace of mind and my happiness. I have no special love in my life these days, but I have many other loves in my life. Yeah, I'm blessed.
Thank you. Things ARE slowly getting better. I've had almost 2 months to absorb the realities and I feel the progression, albeit a slow progression. 2 steps forward, one step back, you know. But I am like the tortoise...slow and steady wins the race. I'll win this race in time. Hugs.
Ahhhhh, thanks for your post. I haven't been here much for many months. Honestly, I would pop in now and again to see what was being discussed here on the Forums and rarely found anything that I wanted to contribute to, but that's just the snob in me coming out! Hope you're doing well, dear Rose (I still think of you as Rose of Sharon, not as a dandelion!)
True, Morgan...at least, I agree that we can't just give up. But I don't know that it's strength that gets us through those heartbreaking times in our lives as much as it is just time that heals our wounds. They're never completely healed, such as in the case of your losing your precious granddaughter. Rather, they leave scars. But time and the distance of our memories carry us through, not strength. My opinion only, of course.
I can't help but wonder why it is that I am told I am strong at those times in my life when I feel my absolute weakest or most devastated. It strikes me as much the same as if I was starving and was told that I have enough body fat to get through the hunger....or, if I was cold and shivering outdoors, I'm told that I have plenty of blankets and coats back home. In other words, I'm cold because I DON'T have those blankets and coats with me; I'm starving because I have no food. And when I am weak, telling me I am strong is just as meaningless.
"Uncle Sam" is an expression, meaning the U.S., or, more specifically, the U.S. government. I serve my country abroad and the U.S. government pays my salary and many of my living expenses. It's a mutual arrangement that works well; I give up many things in order to do the work that I do. In return, I receive certain benefits and lots of adventure in my life.
Yes, you already know and everyone concurs that this is a scam, but I just wanted to add that there is no "Operation Afghanistan Freedom." Any serviceman or woman in Afghanistan would know that it is called "Operation Enduring Freedom."
Need some suggestions, advice, info please. I will have a new assignment in a few months and will be traveling frequently. I will be in Europe only, but will spend a month here, a month there, a few weeks somewhere else, etc. Sometimes I will stay in hotels; other times, I will be put up in "TDY" (temporary duty) housing. In hotels, I will be able to access the Internet without any worries. But when I am in temporary quarters, I won't have broadband Internet access. Of course, when possible, I will try to connect to a wireless network. But, if I happen to be in some place where I can't access the Internet through a wireless connection, I want some other way to do so. I don't want to spend many evenings in Internet cafes; I will want access from my "home"...free to sit in my pajamas and drink my morning coffee or evening glass of wine while I either play online (like here) or shop or send emails, etc.
Does anybody know of a method that would suit my upcoming situation? If I sign up with a mobile phone company for a 3G or 4G option and connect it to my laptop, that would be fine for one country...but once I move to another, roaming charges would kick in and make it too expensive.
Any geeks out there know how to resolve this quandry for me?
I prefer to live alone, most definitely...but to have friends nearby. But if the right man entered my life, I would want to be with him...or him with me; in either case, we'd ideally be together and the word "alone" would be history for me.
Perhaps this will mean nothing to most, but perhaps it will touch one or two of you, as it has me. Give it a read, see it it speaks to you, respond if you wish, don't if you've nothing to add. A dear Greek friend of mine sent this to me today and I thank her from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul.
Ithaca
As you set out for Ithaca hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, angry Poseidon - don't be afraid of them: you' ll never find things like that on your way as long as you keep your thoughts raised high, as long as a rare excitement stirs your spirit and your body. Laistrygonians, Cyclops, wild Poseidon - you won't encounter them unless you bring them along inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope your road is a long one. May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, what joy, you enter harbours you're seeing for the first time; may you stop at Phoenician trading stations to buy fine things, mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony, sensual perfume of every kind - as many sensual perfumes as you can; and may you visit many Egyptian cities to learn and go on learning from their scholars.
Keep Ithaca always in your mind. Arriving there is what you're destined for. But don't hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you're old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you've gained on the way, not expecting Ithaca to make you rich.
Ithaca gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you wouldn't have set out. She has nothing left to give you now. And if you find her poor, Ithaca won't have fooled you. Wise as you will have become, so full of experience, you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
The truth, Nesara, is that you are not getting younger. I am not getting younger. My sons are not getting younger and my dear friend's beautiful new grandchild is not getting younger. You know this, but you are either obsessed with appearing young or you are in denial about your own aging and mortality. Neither of these is a bad thing, per se...to want to appear young is normal and the fact that you maintain an active lifestyle is good, healthy, and will serve you well. To be in denial about one's mortality is pretty normal, too...how many of us have bad habits that could shorten our lives, but don't really think it will affect us? This is denial. But what I sense from your post is a braggadocious attitude; "Look at me! Look at me!! Look at how young and vibrant and cool I am!" This is the part that most of us find very off-putting. Sorry, but you're not getting younger. Tick-tock, tick-tock... you're aging as quickly as I am. That's the long and the short of it.
Haven't read all pages, I must admit, so if I am repeating something that has been previously said, mea culpa.
Love him or crazy about him?? What's the difference? I would say that the difference is simply a comfort level with expressing one's feelings. It's a risk to tell someone that you love them; less of a risk to say "I'm crazy about you." If you don't feel that your partner is ready to hear the "L" word, you opt for the "crazy about you" approach. Either this, or else you're just not sure if what you feel is genuine love and you're biding your time, waiting for certainty.
In my opinion, you should always wear a suit to an interview, no matter what the job. Wearing the clothing that matches the job is what comes AFTER the interview. You should go in to any interview as a serious candidate, hopefully to be perceived as such. And it is fairly well known that interviews require proper attire for THAT occasion. You are not dressing for the job, you are dressing for the interview. Anything less than a suit would say that you don't see the difference.
Demonstrations here are a way of life...they happen frequently and often escalate to some measure of violence. Greece's situation is bleak and the corruption has wrought fear, chaos, and revolt. As in any democratic nation, leaders are elected by the people. So, what we have here is a nation that has known about the corrupt practices, has in fact adopted the same as a means of doing business and obtaining the best health care, etc., and has turned a blind eye to the practices of society's and government's elite. Now they have been awakened with the sickening knowledge that they, as a nation, are many billions of dollars in debt. But I digress. As for your post, the people have indeed taken to the streets to say NO. But saying NO will not pull them out of the abyss. Measures MUST be taken, but, unfortunately, the man or woman who earns 700 euros per month is paying the price....not just financially, but for continually voting for dynastic leaders. What has happened here is that the corrupt practices became a way of life for all....if you need a good doctor for your mother, you pay under the table; if you need to get a license to run a business, you slip someone some money, etc. Everyone knows this, everyone does this, and without following this practice, you get nowhere. Now, finally, Greece has no choice but to see that this system is imploding. I'm rooting for better days and better practices here, for I do love Greece. Unfortunately, however, they have made the bed that they are not only lying in, but are now totally screwed in.
Hiya, Mindfful! Great to see you and I hope all is well with you.
As for your question, I have a very recent example of what you are talking about. I had a tendency to express my needs and wants in a manner of immediacy...something along the lines of saying, rather out of the blue, "I'm hungry...I need to eat something now!" or "I've got to pee...now!" or something similar. I would have the feeling or the urge prior to my vocalizing it, and by the time I spoke up, my need WAS urgent. The man in my life pointed this out to me and said that I should say something sooner, before it gets to be such an immediate need. He's absolutely right and I don't know why I was doing it the way I had been, but I've learned that I need to give a little "heads up" and not wait until the need was so urgent.
It's not the best example of what you are asking (taking blame), but it's the most recent learning experience I have had that related to my own behavioral patterns.
If I had not been in any other relationships before my current one, I might say that you have a point there, P. But, it's been 10 years and I have had other relationships in those years (not flings....relationships) and so I can say that I would have felt the same had he contacted me a year ago or 2 years ago or even 6 or 8. After the first year (yes, I'll admit, it took me close to a year to really get over him), I've had that box set aside and haven't opened it in a very long time. But I get your question, I really do.
The treasure box! I love it! I appreciate all the comments. I just woke up a bit ago and will get ready for work in a few minutes, but wanted to thank everyone for adding to my post.
I've been over him for a long time, so there's no issue of now needing to put it behind me. I've had other relationships since him, I'm in a wonderful one now, and I am happy and long free of the past pain. I just found it interesting to examine my feelings again, having now heard from him after so long. And I have no feelings whatsoever. I don't love him, I don't hate him, I don't like or dislike him....I feel nothing at all. He's just a character in a book that I read years ago.
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
Love, loss, grieving, and peace
Thank you all. I'm tremendously sad at the moment, yet somehow tremendously joyful inside. How lucky I am....how blessed. For I've been loved by the most incredible people one could ever hope to know. Family, friends, lovers, husbands (2 of them). I may appear to be alone in life, but I can't begin to express how wrong that image truly is.