Like so many worldwide, I am on Facebook, though I don't frequent it. Out of the blue today, I received a "friend request" from my ex-husband, who I haven't seen or spoken with in ten years. I long ago moved on and long ago put my marriage behind me. It (my marriage to him) has been safely and comfortably filed away in a place inside me where I store the past. Like a locked box, I hold the memories of that marriage, but I have nothing to add to it and could blow an inch of dust off of it, for it's been so long since I've opened that box. And now, he drops in out of the blue...this very day...and the dust flew off and the box popped open and, lo and behold, it was empty. He sent me a long message, asked questions, wanted to hear from me and find out about my life in the past 10 years and about my family, etc. I never considered ignoring him, for I broke free of anger and hurt many years ago. I answered his message and asked about his family (my former in-laws) as well. I just finished reading his reply, which was again very lengthy. 10 years have been capsulized and summarized by the both of us in a matter of minutes, through a brief exchange of messages on Facebook. I might as well have been reading a post here on CS from someone I know nothing about. Our lives have gone in such completely different directions, whereas we once had planned to go down the road together. And I couldn't be happier. Once devastated, now delighted. He ended his message by saying that he really hopes that we will stay in touch, but I don't see any reason to write again. I'm caught up. In minutes, I've learned all that I need to know. The box is empty. I've not felt anything for him in many years, but it's nice to know that I feel nothing because there is nothing to feel. The box is empty.
When I was 48, I changed my career completely and took a job that has me living in one country after another, experiencing different cultures and meeting people from all walks of life. At 49, I spent some time in Iraq; at 50, I landed on an aircraft carrier (tailhook landing, catapulted back up again later). At 52, I was working in Afghanistan. During these years, I saw the Great Wall of China, beautiful Greek islands, the DMZ in Korea, and a number of other fascinating places throughout the world. I've met very well-known people, worked on a range of issues from military conflicts to the kidnapping of a shipowner to human rights issues and more. I could go on, but I won't....my point is just that, for me, life didn't necessarily BEGIN at 40, but it sure did pick up and I've had more adventures and fun in these years than I can mention. Too bothered to be young again?? Hell, I'm too busy to be old!
Oh, come on! What do we really care about statistics and analyzing anything here? This is true and total nonsense, but so be it. I just find it to be ridiculous>
I see so many polls here, night after night, day after day. I just don't get it. Why do we post questions as polls? Is there a scientific or politic study behind these polls? Just ask the question you want to ask, dammit! Do you have a question? Ask it! OK...this is my rant for the night.
As others have mentioned, some people stay because of the Forums or blogs or other avenues of communicating with others. This is the case with me, and I state that as the first line of my profile...I say that I am in a relationship and am not looking for anyone. Now, you still may wonder why I stay on a dating site, even if I am not looking for a relationship....you may think that I am still sort of searching for another. This isn't the case. For me, I stay because the man I am with works shift work and there are many evenings when he is at work while I am at home alone. This site is a social outlet for me; if I don't want to go out with friends and don't want to watch t.v., I can sit in the comfort of my home and communicate with others when and how I choose here on the Forums. When I receive emails or flowers from men, I politely reply by saying thank you for their interest, but I am involved with someone and am not looking for another. Maybe this makes sense to you, maybe it doesn't. I just see no reason to close my account when I have some online friends here and can enjoy some social interaction when I can't be with my man. He knows about this, too, because I occasionally discuss some of the threads here with him and have been transparent with him that these threads are from a dating site (we met in real life, not from here). Anyway, this is how it is for me... a social outlet that helps me pass some time when I am at home alone.
Sending messages on my Blackberry to my boss who is back in the U.S. at the moment, trying to keep him on schedule from thousands of miles away! Soon off to bed.
Well, to answer the OP... 6 months into it, I'm still going strong with the man in my pic, who is a good deal younger than me. I've discussed this here before and don't need to rehash details; all I'll say is that I didn't seek it (I am NOT a "cougar"!), it just sort of happened, and we are crazy about each other. I tried to split from him a few months ago, feeling that I was being foolish for allowing myself to fall for him, but we couldn't seem to stay apart for long. Anyway...right or wrong, good or bad, I just don't care anymore. I'm enjoying every minute with him and he's more right for me than anyone I have known for a long time....even with our age difference. No, it won't last forever...but, then again, what does?
I'm pretty certain that I'll be paying my dues in my next assignment....either weather-wise or in a hardship situation. I was supposed to go to Milan next, but that fell through when the person I was meant to replace decided to retire early and they had to fill the slot much sooner than originally planned. So, I'm back to the old drawing board on where I'll go next. I know I won't be able to beat the climate here in Greece. No doubt I'll get what's coming to me regarding harsh weather conditions. Ugh.
The sun's been hiding down here in Greece, SF. I'm home from work today and have my balcony doors open, enjoying the sun and the birds chirping. I know, I know....you want to do this at me right now, don't you?:
I've been away from my Stateside home (Georgia) for 7 years now, but you just took me back!
One Southern tradition that I love.... Funeral processions on the highways or 2-lane roads will drive with their lights on. Oncoming traffic that sees the procession passing by will pull over to the side of their road, stop, and wait for the procession to pass before they pull back onto the street and go on their way. It's a simple yet touching symbol of respect for the one who passed away and for those who grieve.
The "bless their hearts" part is another Southern classic expression, for it can make an insult sound gentle and sweet. For example: "She doesn't have a lick of sense, bless her heart" or "He has a face meant for radio, bless his heart."
Sho do miss my sweet tea, grits, and fried green tomatoes...but I'll get me some by and by.
I can't just select one favorite, for I've loved many of his songs for so many years now....but 2 that have not been mentioned, but I feel are very special, are "Beautiful Boy" and "Julia," one for his son and the other for his mother.
Although Valentine's Day does exist here in Greece, there's not such an emphasis on it as there is in the U.S., with Hallmark and florists and jewelry stores all advertising for this day. So, if I did not have a special man in my life, I might feel all the more alone today, which shows that the advertisements do have an impact, even though I hate to admit it. But I do have someone special in my life and so, this evening, I will cook a meal and I will be with him. This is the ideal Valentine's Day for me....just to be with him.
Good one, Adam...especially #1. I've often wondered this, too... do explicit messages pay off for some men? My guess would be that the percentage of favorable replies is quite low, but even one out of 20 or more attempts is still a pay off for the sender. There must be some women who do enjoy such messages, or else the men wouldn't keep sending them.
Gotta go along with John Lennon and Alexander the Great. I would add Charles Dickens and Shakespeare to satisfy my literary interests, Will Rogers, Mark Twain, and Winston Churchill to appease my political humor leanings, and dynamic women such as Joan of Arc, Anne Frank, and Harriet Tubman, for example.
I don't have time right now to read all posts (must get ready for work in a few minutes), so if I am repeating what someone else already said, please bear with me.
Cheating on someone is not just an omission of the truth... in order to "successfully" cheat on someone, lies must be and will be told. It's inevitable. It may be a simple statement such as "oh, I didn't hear the phone ring....I was in the shower at the time and didn't check my cell phone until now" or it might be something like "I have to go to a business dinner tonight; the CEO is in town" or any number of such lies. Cheating usually can't be done without lying, really. But, in answer to your main question, I do believe that omission is lying, particularly in such a situation. But what's the greater sin here? Let's forget about the omission of the truth....let's remember that we're talking about someone cheating. I'd work on fixing that first, then sort out the lying part later.
Thalassa Forum Posts (2,410)
After 10 years, he contacts me
Like so many worldwide, I am on Facebook, though I don't frequent it. Out of the blue today, I received a "friend request" from my ex-husband, who I haven't seen or spoken with in ten years. I long ago moved on and long ago put my marriage behind me. It (my marriage to him) has been safely and comfortably filed away in a place inside me where I store the past. Like a locked box, I hold the memories of that marriage, but I have nothing to add to it and could blow an inch of dust off of it, for it's been so long since I've opened that box. And now, he drops in out of the blue...this very day...and the dust flew off and the box popped open and, lo and behold, it was empty. He sent me a long message, asked questions, wanted to hear from me and find out about my life in the past 10 years and about my family, etc. I never considered ignoring him, for I broke free of anger and hurt many years ago. I answered his message and asked about his family (my former in-laws) as well. I just finished reading his reply, which was again very lengthy. 10 years have been capsulized and summarized by the both of us in a matter of minutes, through a brief exchange of messages on Facebook. I might as well have been reading a post here on CS from someone I know nothing about. Our lives have gone in such completely different directions, whereas we once had planned to go down the road together. And I couldn't be happier. Once devastated, now delighted. He ended his message by saying that he really hopes that we will stay in touch, but I don't see any reason to write again. I'm caught up. In minutes, I've learned all that I need to know. The box is empty. I've not felt anything for him in many years, but it's nice to know that I feel nothing because there is nothing to feel. The box is empty.