I agree...which brings me to why certain "cultural" beliefs do not revisit why they originally started these "cultures" and whether or not they are in the best interest of their followers...
Isn't that the reason for traditions...to do what is in the best interest of their people?
When I am brutality honest with my children it is most definately not with the intent to hurt...it is because I am honest with them...and better they hear the truth from someone who loves them and has their best interest at heart than someone who's ulterior motive is to hurt...
I believe it was Sophie that said that it would "go against your grain" to be someone/something you are not...I happen to agree.
So I'm not sure that one can "rectify" the problem (not sure that it is a problem...you are who you are)..to me it has more been a battle to accept the fact that I am the way I am, and that my "needs", though different from my partners...is still just that..a need.
There will always be givers and takers in this world....
As odd as it may sound...there are some days that I really resent "me"!
For example:
Some days I want to beat myself up over the choices I have made in partners...however when i really analyze my reasons for choosing those people, I realize they are exactly what I want/need for me to feel content in the relationship....
I need to feel needed/wanted, I like to make people happy...even at the expense of my own happiness...so I choose people that are "needy" and then resent them because I give so much of myself to make their lives happy and content...its a bloody vicious cycle!
Anyone else ever feel this way? (and not necessarily my circumstance)
I think its the camaraderie that I miss that keeps me coming back...the forums was a great way to make international friends! I realize that it is in part a dating site, so I guess the turnover is expected (you know you meet someone you move on)... However some years back we were also part of that "relationship" we kept in touch to see how it worked out...there were even times when you "dated" someone, but realized they would have been a better match for someone else on here...and made that suggestion. I remember keeping in touch with the new "better halves" because they felt we knew their new partner better and would give some insight as to how to make that relationship work....
I don't think he was putting anyone down...I think he was just being honest...what appeals to some may not to other's.
Personally I think that everyone has an "idea" in their head of who the "right" person is....until they meet them...and find that it may just be the opposite of what they were looking for.
Trucker there are alot of nice slim women, there are a lot of nice plump women...and there are a lot of nice women in between...its just a matter of taste
I have remained friends with some of them...but life happens and we just seem to have enough time to check in and say a quick hello...and certainly I don't have the time to spend on the forums as I used to...
Came back on here this morning just to see what's happening out there is CS land!
I became a member of CS almost 6 years ago..yeah I know!! It was one of the most exciting times of my life..Got the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people that I would have never otherwise met! Some travelled from the US and within Canada to visit with me...we had some awesome get togethers as they timed their visits so that we would all be here together...I had a full house back then! We burned up the forums with our threads and heated arguments...some of us got locked out for a spell for some of the things we said...and then the phone lines would burn up as we tried to keep our comrades connected. We supported each other during births, deaths and just plain old misery...we rallied together when one or another got hurt or "played"...(Did any of us even sleep!!)
Like I said, one of the most exciting times of my life...are you all still having that kind of fun on here?
We've all had "nightmare" holidays...and hopefully we've learned from our "mistakes"....what advice can you give the rest of us that will let us have that "stress free" Christmas we all long for?
I understand that a person can become "attached" to characteristics of certain breeds....but how would they know they wouldn't come to love the qualities of other breeds if they don't give it a try....
I myself have owned several "purebreds" in the past.....
This time when i chose one it was a mixed breed....it had nothing to do with the money spent, or even the intelligence of the dog, it had everything to do with the fact that there are so many "stray" and "unwanted" dogs out there...that "encouraging" breeders to produce more animals just for the purpose of accommodating people's lifestyle (designer dogs), and monetary gain from "working" an animal just revolted me.....
For sure when the cheaters are friends/relatives the hurt is that much more because they are people you trusted...and you are very generous to say had they told the truth, you would have dealt with it in time....unfortunately part of the appeal of an affair is the "forbidden", which leads me to believe that what you brother and your ex g/f entered into was not "real"....
If the person thought it was an option to even break a binding (legal contractual marriage), what makes you think that they will hold true to another marriage...legal or verbal?
Not that I disagree with you Ship...but "codes of conduct" are a personal thing...they are the standards by which each individual lives by...holds themselves accountable for and by...
I guess I'm not convinced that a piece of paper will make someone good bad or better...
And i am saying that it should not matter how aggressive the third party is, or how immoral, or how "driven"....the person they have "targeted" still has a choice!
I apologize if you think i'm "stretching the meaning"...i don't believe i am...merely responding to what i'm reading....
It appears that you would like the third party to share the blame of the "cheater" (and no matter what caused him/her to do it...they are still cheaters...), I think that the married person who has - for whatever excuse they would like to present - stepped outside of their marital bounds is entirely the one to shoulder the blame...
I believe someone else said it...."If you want out...get out"...but don't lay the blame at someone else feet that they "made" you do it...
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In My Lifetime...
What has been created, started or accomplished in your lifetime that continues to impress you?