mcradloff Poetry (529)

Look down
You'll see a criminal
Look up
You'll see a god
Look right at me
You'll see yourself

A man takes fake eggs made of plastic and puts them on cars in the hood
A man take the toilet paper out of on bathroom stall and waits with Nutella
Wiping the Nuttella on hand thinking he's getting toiliet paper
Leaving bike for people to steal with hidden rope attached
Causing the rider to face plant on the ground
Waiting for man to leave their truck running while they run inside store
When they come out a man is inside with the car doors locked saying
He is going to steal the truck
Man throwing water onto people's cars in gas can making the people think
Their car is about to be torched
Man pouring water on himself out of gas can threatening to torch himself
Man feeding seagulls and then dumping the fries onto people causing
The gulls to engulf them
Man calling the florist to deliver flowers, when he arrives he sees a banner saying
F@#$ OFF!
Handing out free black umbrellas with rude words on top in white letters
Ruining good fishing by running speed boat creating massive waves
Farting in a library
Planting purse for people to steal, when they open it smelly crap explodes out
Using dummy kid to make mom think son has fallen 15 feet to his death
Porch pirate gets a glitter bomb that sprays glitter inside his car with fart spray

The people are being brought over in jets
They overstay their visas
The people are coming on foot from below Texas, New Mexico, Arizona
And California
The people who pay off the politicians had an idea
Let's build a wall to keep them sedated
Let's do something that really does nothing about job loss in the USA
We can use this fake solution to distract them from real problems
Like homelessness, sex slaves, national debt, and a host of other real problems
We will rake it in with the tax rate reduced from 35 percent to 21 percent
We will take that money and throw it on the pile
And the rich will continue to get richer and the poor will continue to get poorer
The game is rigged my friends

Went to the ice rink to juggle three hockey pucks to some good music
Went to the library to play on the internet
Then I went to Burger King to get some sausage and mini cinnamon rolls
I didn't know you have to put the icing on yourself
I went to Pawn America and bought a behind the scenes of American Idol DVD
Then I went to Cracker Barrel and bought some Herr's curls
I went to Goodwill and bought the Osborne Family CD
Then I went to Bowl-A-Vards Lanes and played a video golf game
Then I drove around the capital building
I went to Henry Vilas Zoo where I saw a polar bear only two feet away from me
I went to Chuck E Cheese and won over 1,100 tickets at the balloon game
And I got a personal pizza with sausage, pepperoni, and mushrooms
Then I went to another Goodwill store and got a wood hockey stick
I also got a REM CD with Man on the Moon and Everybody Hurts
And a tape on how to have a good work atmosphere
Then I went back to my home town of Platteville and went to Goodwill there
I couldn't find anything I wanted there
And I finished the trip with juggling with my hockey stick and three pucks

Sam
You don't have to turn on the red light
Cause it don't make no difference
You don't have to sell your employees to the night
Sam
You don't have to show that accident sign-in tonight
Cause there's too many injured employees
And the pain is getting too high
Sam
We have had enough bad health care
Told we have to pay for accidents cause by neglect
Pay with our pain and our frustration at a company who sells us out
Sam
You can keep your damn money
We just want a day off
Away from you and your uncaring management and workers

Call ahead if you don't want to wait long
Because the wait can be over an hour
You come in and give the waitress your three digit number
Then she hands you a pager that will light up and vibrate when they are ready
Till then it's eating all the peanuts you want and throwing the shells on the floor
Then the pager goes off or they call your name and they take you to your seat
The waitress gives you buns with cinnamon butter that are real hot
Then you have more peanuts and a metal pail to throw the shells in
You order your meal, mine was steak and shrimp
Then you can watch them dance some country dance
If it's your birthday, you can sit on a saddle while they sing "Happy Birthday".
Texas Roadhouse
It's a good place to eat

Packers are out
Then I root for who?
The Bears and the Eagles are the only teams left I like
But they are playing each other
So after tomarrow night there will only be one left I like
For those I hate are the Cowboys and the Patriots
As for the rest
Saints, Chiefs, Rams, Chargers, Texans, and Colts
Not one of these do I care anything about
So will there be a team I like in the Super Bowl?
In four weeks we will find out on February 3.

My fellow Americans
I am going to distract you from some really important issues
That desperately need our attention
Things like a 15 dollar minimum wage
Health care for all of our citizens
Repairing our crumbling infrastructure
Bullying in our schools that leads to shootings
Elder abuse, homelessness
The list goes on and on
So instead
I'm going to talk about building a wall
A nice steel wall
To keep out people coming in our southern border
As far as our northern border
Canada has a good system for keeping them in
It's called free health care
Thank you and good night

Be 165 pounds
Love people for who the are
Win the Lottery
Forgive my enemies, friends, family, and myself
Drink only two pops a week
Read one hour a day and exercise one hour a day
Visit my friends once a week
Fly out to California and road trip to Redwoods National Park
Get a job where I can look forward to going to work
Juggle outside once a week
Get an electric bike
Appreciate the time I have with my friends, family, and coworkers
Eat fruits and vegetables every day
Cook at home four times a week
Write at least five times a week in my journals
Worry less, a lot less
Forget about the past
Live and Love

Hey Firesnoze!
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Stop calling me names!
Doner, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Letting that freak go out in public!
Remember guys we're not gonna let some freak reindeer
play any reindeer games, right?
So Rudolph was shunned by everyone
Except Hermee who wanted to be a dentist
Clarice the hot doe and Yukon Cornelius
Rudolph never got to guide Santa's sleigh
And he never got the respect of his parents or anyone else
Rudolph grew to hate the reindeer
But especially Santa who could have made everything alright
So Rudolph went to a gun shop downtown
And got a lot of ammo killing everyone
But Clarice, Hermee and Yukon who found silver and gold
And helped Rudolph and Clarice have new reindeer
To guide Yukon's sleigh
Hermee fixed all their teeth
And everyone lived happily ever after
The end

Santa Claus
Give me a porche with automatic transmission
Give me a house out in the country
So I can sing as loud as I want and not disturb my neighbors
Neighbors who live only feet away from me in my shabby apartment
Give me a perfect swing
So I can make nine million dollars playing against Tiger Woods
Santa
Give me a lifetime supply of preshucked Alaskan King Crab
With real melted butter from Wisconsin
Santa
If it's not too much trouble
Give me the ability to eat and drink anything I want and not gain weight
Also I would like to have the ability to fly like Superman and have his powers
I would also like to have a gorgeous woman like Wonder Woman
Gwen Stefani or Lady Gaga or Lorde would be fine too
Santa
Last but certainly not least I would like everyone to be happy
Have good free health care
Have loving relationships with their friends and family
And be paid a good wage and work only 40 hours a week
Thankyou Santa
Love,

Mike

What a day of practice we had
Turns out my buddy Rudolph is a freak!
He has this huge glowing red nose
It's a real shame too
Cause that reindeer could really fly!
But Santa doesn't want him around any more that the rest of us
I really liked it when Santa scolded his father
Telling him he should be ashamed of himself
He should be ashamed!
Probably ate too much of that illegal lichen
Everybody knows if you eat too much of that crap your kids will come out goofy
My dad never ate that crap!
And look at how awesome I look!
Except for the red hair I'm pretty handsome
Well, I'm looking forward to tomarrow
Practicing running and jumping into the wind and shaming Rudolph!