mcradloff Poetry (529)

Are your tired of all that living crap?
Do you want to meet your maker
At a time of your choosing and in a creative way?
Well, at Die Your Way Industries we have many ways to kick the bucket!
You might like our Wisconsin plan where you get hit by a drunk driver
Or how about our California plan where your get hit by a driver texting
Perhaps you'd like our St. Louis plan where you get shot by a cop
And our Chicago plan where you get hit by a stray bullet
Let's not forget about our international options
Getting ripped apart by cape hunting dogs in Australia
Punched out in a bar brawl in Ireland
Getting hacked to death by machetes in our many locations in Africa
Drowning in a monsoon in India
Or being eating alive by a great white shark off the coast of Easter Island
Of course there are many options we can provide right in your own neighborhood
Making toast while taking a bath
Slipping on soap in the shower and not being able to get help for days on end
Mowing the grass on a wet hill with a riding lawn mower
Driving a motorcycle in heavy traffic
Crossing the street without looking both ways
Snitching on drug dealers
Getting just about any operation in the good ol USA
And I'm sure you have some creative ways of your own we haven't thought of
Whatever, It's your life
You should decide how you end it!
That's Die Your Way Industries
Located right across from McDonald's and right next to Planned Parenthood

When I got my new car
I put you away
Because my old tape player wouldn't play any more
So I found out about this record player that would convert them to cd
So now I have you back in my car again
Listening to songs like Wipe Out by the Fat Boys
Baby Love by Regina
Living In A Box by Living In A Box
Causing A Commotion by Madonna
Press by Paul McCartney
Forever Live and Die by OMD
Una Paloma Blanca by Slim Whitman
And many others
Now I have you back again to enjoy and sing to in my car

I hate these kids
This pay I'm getting
What a joke!
There is no respect for teachers
None, zip, nada
How has it gone so bad so fast
It used to be good for teachers
A good pension after 30 years
You could retire in your mid 50's and have about 30 years of good retirement
Teach 30, retire 30, sounded great, right?
Now that has been stripped away to give it to fat cronies like Donald Trump
And don't get me started with these kids
Parents who want to be friends to their kids
Kids being raised by grandparents because their parents chose drugs instead
Kids who do things so disgusting and bullying that redefines cruelty
I should quit, but I have three things that keep me going to this tomb
June, July, and August!

They paint these walls to hide my pen
But the s@#$house poet strikes again

Beware of limbo dancers

If you ever feel powerless,
Just remember that a single one of your p@#$% hairs
Can shut down an entire resturant

Push button
Receive bacon

Please
No
Baptising

Dance like no one is watching
Poop like no one is here

Things I hate:
1. Vandalism
2. Lists
3. Irony
4. Lists
5. Irony
6. Inconsistency

The minister of majic

I love your crocs

I would not pee here again

(With mirror missing) Just assume you look like s@#$

Do you idealize the past?
Or see it as broken?
Why?
Dude, I'm just trying to take a s@#$

Since writing on bathroom stalls is done neither for wealth
Or critical acclaim
It's the purest form of art
Discuss

You showed up around 11 and said we would eat lunch
It took till 1:30 and I wanted to punch
You in the face but I was too starving to try
Every time we get together I want to cry
You have a fancy car and a TV too
A hundred and one gadgets and your own Youtube
But it's always something is off and not quite right
Your employee called in and now you will work into the night
I'm driving your car to my place so you
Can get another 40 minutes off work real soon
When will you come and get your car, only heaven knows
It's no wonder everyone you know want to go to blows
For all the crazy @$%& you constantly do
That affect everyone around you and makes them feel like dodo
But I really thank you for the food, ice cream, and pop at Freddy's
But the craziness of you makes me want to sneeze
It's been since early November since we last spent some time
When will it be again
I just hope you don't get arrested for a crime!

It's time for Chucky's Happy Dance!
This is the dance I do whenever I feel happy
And when I don't feel so happy
All I have to do is my happy dance and then I feel happy!
You guys want to dance with me?
Great!
It's really easy
Just follow me
Put your hands in the air as you jump up and down
Then you bop side to side
Then you turn around
Then give yourself a high five
Just give yourself a high five
Then you step really high and stomp your feet on the ground
Then you wiggle like a worm
Wiggle all over town
We do the happy dance for whoever it pleases
And everyone is happy when they go to Chuck E Cheeses now

My friend showed some bedbugs he had in a sealed container
I've seen cockroaches, but these little monsters filled me with dread
Not that cockroaches don't fill me with dread
But this was on another level
Bedbugs were hitching rides on his clothes either from hotel rooms
Or from work where he sleeps on couches
Either way once a few get into your house
They can multiply from a few to around five hundred in a year
By the time you realize you have a problem it is too late
The only real way to get rid of them
Is to heat the inside of your home to around 160 degrees farenheit
This costs around five thousand dollars
I've never had bedbugs
I hope I never will!

Growing up in this world is tough
But doing what Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris did isn't the answer
Neither is what Nicholas Cruz did
Now you get your so called revenge
And you are either dead or in jail the rest of your life
How is that a good end for you?
You know what the best revenge is?
To live your life
To find a way to bring happiness to this world
To look these bullies in the face and laugh at them
Because in reality they are clowns
Just remember that just be a good person
This is hard
I know
I've been there
But you still should try
Because it is worth it
Live your life on your terms
And enjoy all that is out there
You just have to look around once in awhile
And get away from yourself
Like I said the best revenge is staying alive
And finding a way to bring light to this world

I sing karaoke
Last night I sang Weird Al Yankovic's Headline News
In the song there is a reference to Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan
In the 1994 Winter Olympics Tonya hired someone to club Nancy's leg
The attack was a failure as the attacker missed the knee and hit the leg
Nancy was able to recover and still get the silver medal in figure skating
With all the bad press and a broken shoe lace Tonya stumbled big time
Tonya failed to medal at all and was later banned from the sport for life
The performance ranked #11 of all TV shows ever on television
And the only Olympics that ranked as one of the most watched
I like ski jumping the best with curling a close second
I do watch the figure skating too

I think this is what all animals would say
Leave me alone!
I don't want to be in jail
You call it a zoo
I think most people would say the same thing
At work
Mind your own business
Don't bully people
Leave people alone
Let them have their peace
With over 7.5 billion people
It's hard for anyone
Let alone all the animals that have lost their habitat
To be left alone in peace
Privacy
True Privacy is probably the most costly thing to purchase
Apartment buildings don't have privacy
Factories don't
Neither do jails or zoos, which are pretty much the same thing
You want to help anyone or any animal?
Leave them alone!

I address this to not only the people of the United States of America
But also to the people of the world
Whether they live in Japan or Liberia
Italy or Turkmenistan
The state of our union sucks a**!
How does it suck a** you might say
Well for one we have half of this country sitting on their lazy butts
They contribute nothing and consume a vast amount of our tax dollars
They get free health care and care nothing for their health
They get free food stamps and spend it on food devoid of nutrition
They live in free housing but their neighborhoods are death traps
Full of violence and all sorts of immoral behaviors
The other half who choose to do what is right
What is their reward?
Higher taxes and stagnant wages
They watch while the CEO's make over 400 times their salary
The Federal Reserve continues to print money
That does not have the backing of gold to make it worth something
So the dollar continues to plunge
And the real wealth of the average American goes down with it as well
They have to work overtime not for fancy luxuries
But to pay the bills and try and scrape by
Our infrastructure is a rusty mess
Our schools are the laughing stock of the world
Teachers who get absolutely no respect from their students or their parents
On a positive note
We have the greatest military in the world
At least we're good at blowing things up!

I spend you on pop
I spend you on donuts and cheese curds
My favorite bill is the Andrew Jackson 20 dollar bill
Though he was a really bad man
I have a lot of Washington 1 dollar bills
A few Lincoln 5 dollar bills
An occasional Hamilton 10 dollar bill
For fun I get some Jefferson 2 dollar bills
I keep some quarters with National Parks on them
I keep some Canadian coins too
My favorite is the 2 dollar coin with the polar bear on it
It is silver and gold
I have a few Eisenhower dollar coins
I prefer to spend real money verses credit cards
Real money is easier to keep track of
And I never have to pay interest on it
Credit or cash?
Cash!