My favorite bit on David Letterman
Was when his announcer said
This is stupid!
Then he puts on a bicycle helmet
Rides a tandem bike
He flips Dave off
Yelling "Later A#$!@#$!
I am going to miss Dave
Not as much as I still miss Johnny Carson
My two favorite guests for this last week
Bill Murray and Jim Carrey
Both hilarious!
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Posted: May 2015
About this poem:
Stephen Colbert is taking over some time later this year.
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The first woman was hired in 1993
Out of 405 employees
72 are women
Minorities make up 28 employees
The work place certainly has changed
My first long job was at Hardee's
I had two minorities in the four years I worked there
One a beautiful Japanese American woman
One an African American man
I still remember Shannon from Hardee's
I am using the golf balls she gave me in 1991
Lost five so far out of 12
Women used to get to stay at home
When the dollar was strong
One job was enough to pay the bills
You didn't have cable
You didn't pay for a cell phone or internet
And taxes were a lot less
Are women and minorities getting a fair shake at work?
No!
We have a long way to go to truly get fair treatment for all workers
I do appreciate any of the workers who have reached out to me
Who have been nice to me
Weather they be woman, minority, or whatever
Thank you!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: May 2015
About this poem:
Working all the time, I am pooped!
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Number of employees hired by year
2015 18 2002 6 1989 5 Total employees 405
2014 57 2001 1 1988 3 Largest hire year 2007
2013 61 2000 7 1987 4
2012 6 1999 11 1986 1
2011 10 1998 11 1985 0
2010 1 1997 9 1984 2
2009 0 1996 6 1979 10
2008 24 1995 2 1978 6
2007 62 1994 7 1977 6
2006 22 1993 8 1976 2
2005 8 1992 2 1974 1
2004 13 1991 2 1966 1
2003 5 1990 5
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Posted: May 2015
About this poem:
Took me about 10 minutes to write down all the years of hire at my job. It seems kind of ironic that the two biggest hire years are the ones I got hired on. I was hired in 2007 and let go in 2008. Then hired on again in 2013.
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The three most important rules of golf:
Keep your head down!
Keep you head down!
And keep you head down!
Obey the rules of golf
If you cheat, you are only cheating yourself
Clean off your club after every shot
Repair all divots
Repair all ball marks on the green
Keep carts 30 feet from the edge of the green
Let faster players play through
Make all your putts, no gimmes!
Pack some snack, you can't golf on an empty stomach
If you are a single, golf during the week, not on the busy weekends
The cheaper the course, the more elbow room you will have
Some say golf is a good walk spoiled, so take a cart
Mark your score on the next hole so the people behind you can play
Forget your bad shots
Have fun out there!
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Posted: Apr 2015
About this poem:
Just some random tips I've heard over the years. I have been golfing for 31 years on golf courses. I used to just whack a ball around with a 7 iron I got from my brother down at the ball park. The par was 3 to hit a cement block and 3 the other way to hit between two fence posts.
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Don't yell at them
Don't hit them
Tell them you love them
Show them you love them
Don't control them
Don't get jealous
Don't look at them as sex objects
Listen to them
Talk to them
Tell them you appreciate them
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Posted: Apr 2015
About this poem:
Watched a documentary Domestic Violence. One of the more memorable quotes came from a little girl who said, "If my dad dies, I wouldn't cry." The theme seemed to be that there are a lot of guys out there that don't love themselves, because if they did there wouldn't be all this horrible crap done to women.
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Author: Taxicab Confessions
I was homeless
And I ended up at the hospital
Since I was homeless they wanted to have me rehab
At some old folks home facility
So this nurse says she wants to take me home and take care of me
So she doesn't know me from Adam and she does this nice thing for me
Shortly after I moved in we fell in love
She was a diamond inside and out
I got back on my feet and I'm doing seminars making 300,000 a year
She's making even more
Then she gets pregnant
At seven months she starts to bleed
She and the baby end up dieing
She had over 500,000 in the bank
But I lost it
I had so many nervous breakdowns after that
I spent all the money in no time flat
And here I'm homeless just like before
I have people pray over me that I make it through the night
I pray too each night
That I don't wake up the next morning
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2015
About this poem:
Watched this show called Taxicab Confessions. This one was pretty moving.
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Over 3,300 years ago there lived a man named Moses
He believed in making a six day work week
With Sunday as a day of rest
He also made sure they had enough to eat
These were slaves that he gave these rights
They made no money off of their work
But he saw the positive effect of letting people rest
This gave them hope
This restored their health
They why in 2015 are people forced to work on Sunday
For the same reasons the pharaohs did it 3,300 years ago
Power and greed
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2015
About this poem:
I worked over four hours on Palm Sunday. At least I didn't work eight.
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My favorite part of the story of Jesus
Is where he is on the cross
And one of the criminals hanging on a cross near him
Asks him to remember him when he gets to heaven
Basically Jesus saves him from hell
This has always been my favorite part
Why is it so hard to find this message in Easter?
The colored eggs
The jelly beans
The chocolate rabbit
Eating fish on Friday
These seem to be more popular traditions
Would Jesus be proud of most religions?
Would he even be proud of the Roman Catholics?
I guess my answer would be that he would be proud of some
No matter what faith they believe in
But ashamed of most
Do they really keep the 10 commandments?
Are they nice to others?
Are they forgiving, especially of themselves?
Of course Jesus already knows the answer
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Apr 2015
About this poem:
Just some thoughts on Easter. I was reading my bible and the version I read didn't have the conversation between Jesus and the condemned prisoner.
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Author: Bobby McFerrin
Here's a little song I wrote
You don't want to sing it note for note
Worry
Be unhappy
In every life we have some trouble
Go ahead and worry and make it double
Worry
Be unhappy
Worry be unhappy now
Rotted your teeth out with Mello Yello
Used a dead rat for a pillow
Police man sprayed your face with mace
A cardboard box is your place
Worry
Be unhappy
Boooo hooo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Worry
Be unhappy
Hey I'd give you my phone number
But I don't have a phone
But if I did
I'd make you unhappy
Ain't got no cash
Ain't got no style
Ain't got no girl or anyone to make you smile
Worry
Be unhappy
Cause when you worry your face with frown
Go ahead
Bring everybody down
Worry Be unhappy
It will get worse
Whatever it is
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2015
About this poem:
Bobby McFerrin had a number one hit with Don't Worry Be Happy, which has no instruments.
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Author: Charlton Heston
Charlton Heston
He has been in some great movies
Planet of the Apes
Oh my God!
I'm back!
I'm home
All the time it was...
We've finally really did it
You maniacs!
You blew it up!
Damn you!
Damn you all to hell!
The Ten Commandments
Who is on the Lord's side
Let him come to me
Blasphemers, Idolaters
For this you shall drink bitter waters!
God has set before you this day his laws of life and good
And death and evil
Those who will not live by the law
Shall die by the law!
Solent Green
They're making our food out of people
Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food
You've got to tell them, you've got to tell them
You tell everybody
Listen to me Hatcher
You got to tell them
Solent Green is people!
We've got to stop em!
Stop em!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2015
About this poem:
Caught Planet of the Apes last week. Charlton Heston has had some great movie quotes. One of his most famous was with the NRA, "From my cold dead hands!"
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The word Valentine comes from a priest
The priest named Valentine
He married couples against the law of the state
Went to prison and died for his good deeds
The ruler at the time needed lots of soldiers
Married men didn't have to go to war
While in prison Valentine healed the jailer's daughter
His prayers brought back her sight
Before he was to be executed he left her the first Valentine signed
"Your Valentine"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2015
About this poem:
It is a very touching story about the origins of the word Valentine. Hope you have someone special to share Valentine's Day with.
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Sam Smith was the big winner
Weird Al Yankovic won too
The rest I wouldn't take out to dinner
The music has seemed to gone to hell in a hand basket
Sam Smith's Stay With Me and
Lorde's Yellow Flicker Beat
The only ones I cared to listen to against all that other racket
Kanye West tried to come on stage
But my favorite grammy moment of all time
That SOY BOMB guy dancing to Bob Dylan
That kind of stuff gets me engaged
Michael Jackson won the most grammys with eight
Adele got six which was pretty great
Since the music isn't what it used to be
My favorite category is comedy
And I bought Weird Al's Mandatory Fun
Now that the grammys are done
I will wait for the Oscars next week
Maybe they will have some winners who don't reek
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2015
About this poem:
Sometimes they get it right with what I like in music, but as of late they couldn't if they tried, since the music just isn't there like it used to be back in the 80's. I even was upset at the time when Michael Jackson won eight grammys, as I thought The Police should have won a few with their Synchronicity album.
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mcradloff Poetry (529)