mcradloff Poetry (529)

A Franklin and a Lincoln
That's the money I had extra over a year ago
Benjamin Franklin equals 100 dollars
Abraham Lincoln equals five dollars
Some people are still waiting to get hired on
They don't get the extra money I do
They deserve to have a Benjamin and a Franklin too
There are a lot of people out there not getting a fair shake
They are let go with no fault of their own
They have to start over again and again as companies play their games
If we keep an employee on too long it will cost us a lot of money
If we can keep hiring new employees then we will make a pile
Where does all this money go?
Who is cashing in at the expense of these poor souls?
So I made some extra money
Big deal
I missed my rest
I missed my video gaming and dvd watching
I missed my peace and quiet
All for a Franklin and a Lincoln

Two Donuts
Two Bananas
Milk and Mello Yello
That's what I ate today
That's what I ate today
Froot Loops cereal and milk
Soup out of a can
Bucky Badger Cheetos
Swiss almond cheese spread and Ritz crackers
Ruffled barbeque chips
Moutain Dew and Water
Sliced turkey and roast beef
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
That's what I ate yesterday
That's what I ate yesterday
So many things to eat and drink
Steak at Prime Quarter
King Crab at Red Lobster
Blooming Onion at Outback Steakhouse
Pizza at UNO'S
Chicken at KFC
Chinese food at China Buffet
Sausage at Hardee's
Jr. Whoppers at Burger King
Mongolian stir fry at Mongolian Grill
That's what I ate in the past
That's what I ate in the past
What will I eat tomarrow?

Godzilla
You are 350 feet tall
How you'd get so big?
Oh yeah, that nuclear testing we did in the south pacific
Now you are knocking down buildings
You are leaving massive footprints Bigfoot would be jealous of
I saw you with Matthew Brodrick back around 1998
I think you were smaller then
So you've grown a lot in the past 16 years
You go get em Godzilla!

What will I see
When I get to the garage sales
I took a trip to Lancaster
About 17 miles from Platteville, Wisconsin
I saw this house, shed and car covered in words
I stopped to see what he had written
I could only stay for a short while as he came out with his dog
He doesn't like the president or dumb people
So I get to my first garage sale
The woman remembered me buying tapes a few years ago
I told her one tape of Shania Twain broke my tape player
Cost me 270 bucks to fix it
I bought some golf balls
A book about 10 men that will ruin your life
A stuffed snowman with a throw blanket
A chippette doll
A Darth Vader mask
Both for my great niece and nephew
A book about memorable moments on tv from All In The Family
To sports and other stories like the OJ Trial
A DVD on Ernest in the Army
Lots of fun people to meet
You just never know what you will find

Hugo
My majical dragon friend
Take me away
Far far away from these mean people
Up in the clouds where there is peace
Up in the mountains where there is silence
Up where I belong with you
You don't judge me
You say nice things to me
You can take me anywhere I want to go
You defend me from my enemies
I have nothing to fear with you around
I love you Hugo
My majical dragon friend

Dear Mama, I have a cat who just gave birth to a litter of five cats. My boyfriend is jealous of all these cats and wants me to get rid of them, or at least have the cat spayed, what should I do?

Mama, Keep the cats and have your boyfriend fixed.

I have gotten birdies
That is one stroke under par
I got them on par 3 and par 4 holes
I have yet to get one on a par 5 hole
An eagle is two strokes under par
Don't have any of them yet
An albatross or a double eagle is three strokes under par
A condor is a hole in one on a par 5 hole
Condors are the rarest, though a horseshoe shaped hole can yield one
I have been out twice this year
I have two birdies so far
Both on the same hole
#5 at Lacoma in East Dubuque, Illinois
On the par 3 course
I paid $7.00 to golf 18 holes walking
This course doesn't allow any golf carts
Needless to say it is usually wide open
I had the whole course to myself that day
Though it was cold and windy
The other 36 holes were pretty busy

Noah's Ark
Built to shelter eight people
Noah, his wife, Noah's three sons and their wives
Also built to shelter a male and a female
Of every land dwelling animal on earth
Dolphins, sharks, and puffer fish didn't need the ark
The ark was 750 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet tall
It was made of cypress wood and sealed with pitch
God wanted to wipe the wicked people from the face of the earth
The flood waters came from the sky and the earth
They covered all the mountains
The water was 20 feet above the highest mountain
From the beginning of the flood to dry land took about a year
40 days and 40 nights of rain
150 days of a flooded landless earth
The rest of time for the flood waters to dry up
Noah was 601 when he emerged from the ark
Noah was 950 when he died
God placed a rainbow in the sky as a covenant
That he would never destroy all of mankind again

You start with cold water in a pan
Add your eggs carefully
Cover the eggs with water about an inch above all the eggs
Bring the eggs to a boil and remove from the heat
Let the eggs stand in the hot water for 15 minutes
Take the eggs and put them in cold water till cooled
Drain the eggs and let them dry on a towel for about an hour
Put the eggs in the fridge
The next day you get six coffee cups
Put some vinegar in the bottom, about 1/4 inch deep
Take food coloring and add to each cup to get desired colors
Add water to each cup so eggs will be completely covered
Red, Yellow, Blue
Red and Yellow to get Orange
Yellow and Blue to get Green
Red and Blue to get Purple
A total of about 24 drops per cup
You can add different amounts to get different colors
22 drops of yellow and three drops of red gives you an orange sunset
Put eggs into dye for four minutes
Move the eggs around with Paas wire egg dipper
Let dry for an hour
There are some different ways you can dye eggs
Put rubber bands around egg
Dye half the egg in one color and half in the other color
Draw egg with crayons before dying
Put stickers on eggs before dying to create shapes on eggs
Use a plastic bowl you can throw away and add water
Use different colors of fingernail polish to water
Move them around with a toothpick
Add an egg to get a swirly pattern onto the egg
Eat the eggs up within a week after coloring
Enjoy!

There was Ted
And Tim and Kevin
Lee would play with me
He also got me started in lawnmowing by giving me his job
That job got me an additional 10
One that lasted 17 years
Another that lasted seven years
Then there was Matt
He lived in the country
He even moved into my apartment
He made me music cds that I listen to almost daily
Todd was a lot of fun
We made forts
We drank pop and ate out at different resturants
He introduced me to WI Dells
He drove me all over and we talked about lots of things
Getting rich, his mean mom, his mean girlfriends, and religion
Then there was Russell
We would go to Taco John's and bum around the mall every week
We would play basketball and board games
Kevin would play his piano for me
He could play "Freeze Frame" by the J Geils Band
We played his video games
We threw knives and hatchets at a wooden target
Thank you for spending time with me
Thank you for playing with me
But most of all thank you for taking the time to care

Oh the hours I would while
With my vertical smile
The days would quickly pass
Oh the ladies would be swoonin
Well I would be just moonin
If I only had an a##
I would do a lot of sittin
My pants would be a fittin
I'd pass a lot of gas
To the folks I'd be relatin
All about my defecating
If I only had an a##
Oh I would run around
And do what most people do
I'd decorate my crack with ribbons too
What's the matter?
Don't you?
With my back facin a mirror
I'd scrutinize my rear
In my looking glass
There would be a lot of takers
When I shake my money maker
If I only had an a##

I wish I could see one
A UFO
Talk to the aliens inside
Where did you come from?
Can you take me with you?
I'm tired of this blue mudball we call Earth
I have read some on UFOs
The largest one measured around 4,000 feet across
I made a UFO out of snow a few weeks ago
Now it is almost melted away
Did aliens crash in Roswell, New Mexico?
Do we owe our cell phones and computer technology to green men?
How many of them are out there?
How do you travel thousands of light years
And not have a mechanical problem along the way?
I've never seen an alien
But I've also never seen a baby pigeon
But I'll bet they exist