It was a trip I was looking forward to
A visit to heaven
I saw the inscription on the gates
Abandon all suffering ye who enter here
The streets were made of gold
Everyone was a billionaire
Everyone shared their wealth
Everyone was happy and healthy
The best foods were available
Lobster, filet mignon, king crab, and thousands of others
You could go fishing and catch your limit in half an hour
You could go golfing and expect at least one hole in one
You can travel anywhere in the universe in an instant
The cars had the best music on voice command
The houses were all mansions with pools in the basement
The prettiest butterflies could be see on the most beautiful flowers
The waters were so clear and clean you could drink right out of them
All questions had answers
There was only truth and love
The angel took my hand and told me
You are going there some day
Till that day comes
You must try to create as close to heaven on earth as you can
Then the angel guided me back to earth
And I woke up still clutching the bag of candy she had given me
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2014
About this poem:
Just got the book Dante's Inferno. I was trying to create my own verison of heaven. I also mixed in a dream I had as a child when I got adopted.
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Author: Tim Cavanaugh
Frankenstein, Dracula, and their friend Lurch
Decided one day to go to church
They found intriguing the things they'd hear
The phrase body and blood
That really caught their ear
The blazing candles make Frankie nervous
The crucifix distracted Drac from the service
On top of that they didn't realize
It was Ash Wednesday
On to their surpise
They got the ash
They got the monster ash
The monster ash
They gave them out at mass
The monster ash
Right after Mardi Gras
The monster ash
They got the monster ash
It turned out to be a miraculous day
The three all repented and changed their ways
Dracula gave up sucking for Lent
If the Chicago Cubs did it
That would be an event
They got the ash
They got the monster ash
The monster ash
They wore them with panash
The monster ash
Lurch went back and asked for a mustache
They got the ash
They got the monster ash
Drac, you got something on your forehead
Let me get it
No, it's a smudge
Look in the mirror
No, you can't look in the mirror
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2014
About this poem:
This song is a parody of Monster Mash by Tim Cavanaugh. With Ash Wednesday starting the Easter holiday, I thought it was a funny parody.
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Jack, Janet, Chrissy
Then Chrissy got replaced with Cindy
Then Cindy got replaced with Terri
Stanley and Helen Roper got replaced with Ralph Furley
There was also Larry Dallas who is Jack's best friend
They get into some funny misunderstandings
Some of the more memorable episodes
The one where Jack goes on tv to show how to make poached salmon
The one where Jack dresses up as an old woman to win a bakery contest
Jack enters a pie in a contest, but Chrissy eats it and replaces it
Terri embarrasses Jack by beating up a drunk
Janet gets a vase in a will and Jack thinks it's worth a fortune
Jack chickens out as a nude model and sells encyclopedias
Jack and Chrissy have a contest, he can't have women, she can't eat
Mr. Roper listens into the kids apartment by a bathroom pipe
Chrissy goes to hospital and Jack and Janet think she is dieing
Jack takes a vow to always be honest, which makes the girls mad
Jack and Janet are robbed at the flower shop, then set up a sting
Janet gets a blonde wig and becomes a ditsy blonde
Jack goes to a party with Janet and drinks a mixed drink "The Rocket"
172 episodes over eight years
Lots of laughs
Loads of fun to watch
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2014
About this poem:
I got seasons 2-8 on dvd from my library. I have always loved this show. John Ritter was the glue that kept this show fun. They tried a spinoff called Three's a Crowd, but it lasted only one season since Jack wasn't playing off the girls, Mr. Furley and Larry. The show ran from 1977-1984.
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Come on down!
Your the next contestant on the Price is Right!
First you have to be closest to the actual price without going over
Come up on stage and play a pricing game
Plinko is my favorite
You earn chips by guessing if the price for an item is higher or lower
Then you take your chips and climb up some stairs to the Plinko board
You release a chip and it bounces around on some pegs
Then it lands it slots of 100, 500, 1,000, 10,000, or 0
I play a version of this at the Labor Day picnic in Dickeyville
There you get toys for prizes
Cliffhanger is another favorite of mine
You guess the price of prizes
Then the cliffhanger goes up the mountain for every dollar you are off
You get 25 dollars that you can be off for three items
If you can keep him from falling off after three items
You win the big prize
The clock game is fun too
You have to guess the price of the prize
Then you are told if you are higher or lower than the actual price
If you can get two prices right in less than 30 seconds
You get a cash reward
I miss Bob Barker
Drew Carrey is like Jay Leno
He's nice enough
So is Jimmy Fallon
But just not as good as Johnny Carson or Bob Barker
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2014
About this poem:
Just got the best of the Price is Right on my Netflix. Enjoyed that show a lot over the years.
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Author: Ylvis
Dog goes woof
Cat goes meow
Bird goes tweet
And the mouse goes squeak
Cow goes moo
Frog goes croak
And the elephant goes toot
Ducks say quack
and fish go blub
and the seal goes ow ow ow
But there's one sound
That no one knows
What does the fox say?
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding
What does the fox say?
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
What does the fox say?
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Big blue eyes
Pointy nose
Chasing mice and digging holes
Ting paws up the hill
Suddenly you're standing still
Your fur is red
So beautiful
Like an angel in disguise
But if you meet a friendly horse
Will you communicate by morse?
How will you speak to that horse?
What does the fox say?
Chacha-chacha-chacha-tow!
What does the fox say?
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
The secret of the fox
Ancient mystery
Somewhere deep in the woods
I know you're hiding
What is your sound
Will we ever know?
Will always be a mystery
What do you say?
You're my guardian angel
Hiding in the woods
What is your sound?
Will we ever know?
I want to know
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2014
About this poem:
Found this song on a year end count down of 2013. It was one of the biggest youtube videos that came out last year.
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Slide a rock down the ice
Don't those curling ladies look nice
Russians, Americans, Danish, Chinese, and English too
Turning their hand as they follow through
One has rocks of red
One has rocks of yellow
Kind of neat the Chinese were the yellow fellows
The Americans had red rocks as it matched our flag
Too bad their throws had to lag
They didn't slide and curl as good as the rest
Seems the east is better than the west
Eight rocks each to slide and bump
So far I have seen no one fall on their rump
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2014
About this poem:
Really enjoyed watching women's curling this past week. Hope to see much more next week too. We have several curling places in Wisconsin. Some day I'll have to make a trip and visit one.
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I watched the opening ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics at Sochi
The red ring failed to open up into a ring
The colors of the rings as well as the white background
Can be found on all the flags of the world
This is our first time competing in Russia
We boycotted the games played in 1980
The colors of the rings are blue, black, and red on top
With yellow and green on the bottom
I like the winter olympics better than the summer Olympics
My favorite is the ski jump
I also like the bobsled, luge, speed skating(short track)
Curling, freestyle skiing, and snowboarding
I like to watch hockey live as I do watch the Dubuque Fighting Saints
But like baseball, it just doesn't appeal to me to watch it on tv
Norway has the most winter Olympic medals with 303
The United States of America has the second most with 253
Austria takes third place with 201
The work involved to be an Olympian is tremendous
I think just to represent your country is a huge accomplishment
I wish them all much success and safety
As some of the events can be very dangerous
Luge and ski jumping come to mind
The safest would have to be curling
I would like to try that one some day
Ski jumping
Forget it!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2014
About this poem:
I have always enjoyed the winter Olympics a lot. Ski jumping and curling being my favorite events.
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I remember the frogs
Bud
Weis
Er
I remember the farting horse and the candle
I remember the monkeys in the office
The koala holding a coffee cup getting punched
The Budwieser Clydesdale horses
Talking babies
The fat dog losing weight
Ferris Bueller selling cars
FedEx delivering helium balloons to the munchkins
The running of the squirrels
Britney Spears Pepsi ad
Castaway parody
Terry Tate tackling employee taking too long on break
Alien saying "Why don't we use FedEx"
Dog biting man on crotch to get Bud Light
Bad dog
Bear dancing with Burt Reynolds
The majic frig is back
Caveman losing job and getting stepped on by a dinosaur
David Letterman and Oprah watching the Colts and Bears(Colts won)
Face slap replacing the fist pump
There were some really funny ones
This year not so funny
Not really
Four million dollars for a 30 second ad
I guess they can't afford to be as funny any more
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2014
About this poem:
I have always looked forward to the Superbowl ads, especially the really funny ones. This year was a big letdown in that department. The team I picked did really well though. The Seattle Seahawks crushed the Denver Broncos 43-8.
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Ooooh my
Ooooh my
You know I got in trouble
You know I care
You only pay attention when I drink and drive
My fans want more than my love
More than my heart
I threw those eggs
I ripped that phone off the wall of my holding cell
I'm going down down down
And I just can't believe what I have to do to maintain this fame
And I just act like a baby baby baby
Oh, a baby baby baby
Oh, like a baby baby baby
I just like to be in the lime light
My manager told me this is what I have to do
Being controversial is the difference between swimming pools
And diamond-studded swimming pools
You gotta have the cash and the girls love a bad boy better
So now that you are 19 it's time to grow up
Take that fancy car and drag race drunk
So I'm like ok
I'll be a baby baby baby
Oh just a baby baby baby
Oh just like a baby baby baby
Oh, then the fame and money will mine
Mine
I'm gone
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2014
About this poem:
A parody of Justin Bieber's Baby. Just having fun with his recent arrest.
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My nose drips like a leaky faucet
I can't enjoy the things that I eat
My head is fuzzy
My heart is beating too fast
All I want to do is sleep
Where did I get this cold?
Was it from a coworker?
Was it from a public place like the mall?
I wish I would have gotten my flu shot
I wish I could sleep better
My head is hot
I think I'll curl up on the couch and watch tv
The Office, Super Bowl playoff games, and Stepbrothers
I have a cold and it sucks
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2014
About this poem:
Got this cold a few days ago. Hopefully it will pass by quickly.
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It's getting real cold out there
Not a good place to be if you don't have a lot of hair
How do the wild animals do it?
Hanging out all the time outside in this s#$%!
I don't mind anything above 20 degree farenheit
Anything below that starts to hurt like a lonely night
That wind just hits you in the face
Feels like a thousand knives all over the place
I know where I live I have to put up with it
It is Wisconsin after all
We're way up here where it's better to walk in a mall
Outside you could get frostbite
If you don't bundle up real tight
Inside where it's warm is where I want to hide
Cause baby it's cold outside!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2014
About this poem:
We have some real nasty cold weather coming in the next three days where it is supposed to get down to -22 or so Monday morning.
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1. Lose weight
2. Win the lottery
3. Be nice to all people
4. Love more
5. Exercise regularly
6. Leave my abusive job
7. Learn how to play the piano
8. Make a hole in one in golf
9. Visit a foreign country other than Canada(been there already)
10. Bowl a 300 game
11. Juggle in a parade
12. Forgive myself
13. Forgive others
14. Eat fruits and vegetables
15. Avoid pop
16. Sleep 8 hours every night
17. Laugh more
18. Watch more sunsets
19. Fly in a plane
20. Sky Dive
21. Climb a mountain
22. Paint
23. Ride my bike
24. Buy a golf cart/ golf membership
25. Karaoke three times a week
26. Beat the beefeater challenge at Prime Quarter
27. Make people laugh
28. Be a joy to be around
29. Make God smile
30. Pray more
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2013
About this poem:
Just a few of many things I would like to accomplish in the coming year, many more to be added.
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This is a list of mcradloff's Poems. Click here for mcradloff's Poem List
mcradloff Poetry (529)