She stood in the shadows screaming
Never saying a word
She looked in the distance wailing
Never seeing a soul
She listened for a long time moaning
Never hearing a sound
Her tales are endless
Tales of anguish
Tales of pain
Tales of sorrow
Tales of shame
Wounds that never seems to heal
Misused and abused not respected but rejected
A woman of much scorn
She was tarnished
She has lost all affection
She hated to be touched
Hated to be embraced
Hated the sight of all men
They tormented her
She was overwhelmed with panic attacks
They gripped her painstakingly
Her cries for help were never heard
She sort refuge in dark and dismal places
She shun every crowded street to trod down lonely places
A safe heaven a comfortable get away for her
Day in and day out she lived in constant fear.....fear of being rapped
Fear of being sodomized
Fear of losing sanity
It bereaved her
Every look every stare accelerated the blood running through her veins and paralyzed her soul
Those looks brought shame and guilt to her she was sure that everyone knew what she had done how terribly bab she was
She was badgered by criticizing thoughts
Was it me?
Did I encourage this?
Did I welcome this awful tradegy?
Was I to be blamed?
God gave me a mouth,why did I not say anything?
People must think I'm slack to have allowed such things to happen
That's why it continues to repeat itself again and again and again
She was angry sad bitter
The hurt the pain and the shame were more than she could bear
Her emotions formed a whirlwind in her head
Death seemed to be a comfort for her, she sought it but it never came
She was burdened and wanted to be set free
She searched tirelessly for a getaway but her back was against the wall freedom was not in sight.
Moments of intimacy were torture to her...passionless
She felt nothing
Thought nothing
Said nothing
She laid there motionless pretending it was all good but in essence she was never really there
She felt violated
She wanted to scream but her voice was all choked up
She wanted to lash out but her hands were all coiled up
She wanted to push them away but she was comatose
They were predators heartless demanding criminals
Who tore through her flesh ruthlessly
Invading her private space and defiling her childhood
They robbed her of her innocence by attacking the very roots of her being
The most precious part of her existence
Self gratification did nothing to ease her pain
Neither did excommunication
Being pregnant was the epitome of her distress
She hated the one who had impregnated her
She wanted to strangle him kill him he was a demon in her eyes for no good and decent person would do such a thing
She was a great mother inspite of her struggles but there were times she couldn't bring herself to embrace the male child
Not that she didn't love him but after all he was a MALE
I saw her and I knew
Her eyes said it all, they're the window to her broken troubled soul
Her crushed spirit and her messed up mind
She was overshadowed with a spirit of heaviness
A damsel in need of healing words warm hugs
Reassuring word and undivided attention
She needed someone to show they
TRULY
Someone to put this ragging tempest to rest
But no one took the time
No one shared her pains
No one saw her tears
No one saw her scars of misery and no one that was anyone belived her story.
So she kept it all bottles up inside fermenting an animosity and distaste for all men
Pinning away in her despair but never giving herself away
A black woman of many pains
Imprisoned in her own Guantanamo Bay
Trapped by shackles she sort to break
Her suffering were boundless they ran deep beyond the ocean floor
High above the starry skies and lengths across the width of the earth
She had dreams
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: May 2018
About this poem:
This is a piece I wrote years aback about the struggles I've had to face and eventually overcome having been a victim of child s*xual abuse.
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