itchywitch Poetry (38)

The silence is blissful
within my padded walls
till the voices start
i'm tormented once more,
crying whilst cradling
rocking back and forth
how am i here again
locked behind,the bolted door.

Blood on my lips
finger tips bitten
no time for crying
i spend my days spitting,
dry is my throat
even without flim
daily i spit out demonds
all for the love of him.

He who darkend my door
he who stepped into my shadow
he who did not walk away
he that stayed to follow,
demonds have held me back
but now love shall set me free
is he mad also
he,who is in love with me.

Go" whilst you can
whilst i can still let you
dont confuse my urge to keep you
as anything, other then s*xual.

i know what your thinking
your asuming your the one
well my beautifull lover
let me tell you, you are wrong.

your sweet for what you have given me
you have given me more then i deserve
but i can only desire & never love you
ill use you and you, il hurt.

go" my beautifull lover
before i take you upstairs
before i demand you live me
before i rip off your shirt.

im trying to do right, so let me
to use you is a sin
i can never give to you my heart
what iv not got, i cant give.

dont look at me with those sad eyes
i did tell you from the start
not to fall in love cause i cannot
whilst another owns my heart.

go my beautifull lover, go...
not me but my body will miss you so.

I was watching you
trying to hold me up
but too late my darling
i was gone above.
You took me down,held me
screamed at me and yelped
"why do this to me woman"
trust you i thought, to think of yourself.

As if broken hearted
you cried and cried
"poo" i could smell her perfume
even on the other side.
So whats with the tears?
whats this all about?
your free to love her
i'm no longer around.

But instead each night
i hear you pray for forgiveness
if only i could tell you
i regret what i did.
but why do i know now
and not when i was there
why when its too late
show how much you care.

whats done can't be changed
but i did make you a promise
to mind and care for you
as long as you live.
It's not that i'm a loyal angel
do i watch you from above
but you my foolish darling
are still my only Love.

i will never forget,but i dont want to
because of how it felt
joy is worth pain
or am i lieing to myself?

had i of known,would i of
but we dont choose who to fall in love with
but god you choice of all prince charmings
to send me one WHY one that was sick?

lies stories maddness
often i put my life at risk
my well being never matterd
his, always did.

faithfullness he gave to me
he in love with me as i him
and though i am not a failure
sorry lord, i could never win.

my hurt? always excused
its not his fault hes mental
and god you know, his sane days
are the days i wished could stand still.

i know he needs me more then i do him
dispite he makes it feel the other way round
yet i darent leave him in fear for him
how will he react if i let him down.

but even i have a line love does not cross
to tell me to kill myself, he doesnt see
he doesnt have to suggest such a thing
when his words have finally, already killed me.

i dont know god what you were playing at
but im tired of you testing me as you do
maybe you think i dont deserve anyone better
but my thoughts are, that i do.

some day i am going to die
prepare yourself lord for when that day comes
cause iv more then a bone or two to pick with you
for why you choose me to be the blasted cursed one.

A tiny star flickerd in the sky
angels rejoiced, knowing it was time
they all gathered round,loved ones you once mourned
unto them,the eve you passed
an angel had been born.

It's like a dream i wish to wake from now
if only, someway .. somehow
what to see you there in your fireside chair
but it's no dream to waken from
for you are now, an angel mom.

We'll meet again such a time will be
for i have faith and much belief in me,
it's what keeps me going when you i always mourn
all this my sadness with come to pass
when i am the angel born.

Untill we meet again..
i shall be missing you always till then.



Remembering also the gentleman of the blogs that he was...
our friend, our darling Simmo..

the one time beautiful garden
running wild over grown
no matter night or day
curtains constantly closed.
window boxs hanging baskets
full of weeds like the flower pots
unseen is welcome on the mat
coverd with moss.

the bell rings but door unopens
not to familiar or faces unknown
some say maybe no one lives there
or just maybe, nobodys home.
but smoke comes from the chimney
so the house is not empty
just the person that exists init
the one that nobody sees.

day has ended
night has fallen
ears dont listen
when sleep is calling.
tired unwilling
upstairs i stroll
tears will fall
eyes won't close.

tossing and turning
sleep won't come
memories haunt me
of that special one.
sleep will take me
dreams dont forget
i wake what i sleeps on
pillows soaking wet.

morning has broken
must birds always sing
must i rise to another
id rather not live.
wanting to be like him
is it really so wrong
want to be like him
i too wish i were gone.

For those i love....
and those who love me.

I could not say goodbye to you
reasons why i slipped away,
i hung on untill my favourite time
the eve before christmas day.

But do not let my passing sadden this season
between your tears remember our smiles,
all those years we celebrated togeather
remember me at our best of times.

Do not think that i have ever left you
because it sits empty my fireside chair,
raise your eyes feel me above you
smiling down with loving care.

See me as the light in your window
to guide you when lost and alone,
and in your darkest hour i'll shine brightly
when i reach out to welcome you home.

gathered one behind one
they came in a herd
throughout the village
wagon wheels heard
the clanging of pots
the clinging of tin
staring i was in bewilderment
when i noticed him.

they searched the fields
for borrowed land
they settled down
gathered in camp.
daily i watched
infactuated by them
no" i tell a lie
i was with him.

just like the others
he laughed and danced in the night
thoughts of him chased me
followed him i did, to keep him in sight.
unseen i watched
like a lurker in the bush
unable to control
my burning lust.

he bathed in the lake
my eyes bore into his skin
naked and bare
watched again,unseen by him.

with a blink from my eye
he was gone from the lake
my heart skipped a beat
when i heard the twig break.
there he stood naked
with eyes as black as coal
he see's and upon me
free's my gypsy soul.

wagon wheels tins and pots
you heard them come in daylight
but a silent breeze in the dark
they left on in the night.
regret? or feel shame
perhaps maybe i should
but never how could i ever
for i have felt love.

Eyes swelling
becoming tearfull
spilling over
tear drops fall.

Words failing
mouths open
unable to speak
emotions choking.

Hands tremble
fingers entwined
clenching the hand
that clings to mine.

doors open
light has entered
darkness closing
hold me im scared.

Angels calling
last breath i cry
door closing
i whisper goodbye.

Your face, i shall never forget it
the way you looked at me
your eyes pleading and begging....

Don't say it .. don't say it.

You tried to look strong
but i do know the look of fear
"go on" you said to me
tell me what i don't want to hear.

I quietly spoke
quickly tears swelled
our world was changing
each other we held.

As we cradled
all i could think
this is the thanks i give to the man
that has given me everything.

I'v broke his heart
filled it with sadness and sorrow
taken all hope from him
for a better tomorrow.

You told me that you loved me
said we were each others only one,
said we belonged togeather
to share a precious kind of love.
I asked you are you crazy
to speak of love in such early days,
you done everything to prove me wrong
was more than just a phase.

You warned me of a darkness
half expected me to run,
but i couldn't even if i wanted
our magic had begun.
You coaxed me with your body
bribed me with your kisses,
you were all i wanted
everything i needed.

we made love in the brightness
till the darkness came,
the only time you wouldn't let me hold you
it made you feel shame.
Two things that ever frightened you
was the darkness would stay,
or that you might ever hurt me
reasons why you tried send me away.

But it's like i always told you
you are all i want,
reasons why two years later
i'm waiting for the rising of the dawn.
For were both now in the darkness
and for you i'll forever wait,
without you my lights gone out
your my soulmate..my flame.