About me and who I'm looking for

About me: OH boy, this is where my imagination has to have a free rein, should I mention?? Nah, better not, but what about?? No, don't mention that either, don't want to scare them off. So, can I mention that I am perfect, kind, generous, a good cook who also knows how to do the washing up, Yes, that should help apart from the perfect bit, women know that there is no such thing as a perfect man, only perfect ladies, but I am quite handy around the house, I can build things, tile things, walls mainly, that I can find a funny side to just about any situation, I hate confrontation and rows. I still have sore knees to prove that. My favourite words are: YES DEAR....SORRY DEAR. Which I suppose can be a bit annoying when said a hundred times a day, I think I should have taped it then I would just have to press a button, except that I would probably press all the wrong buttons, or so I am told. I love animals and have collected five amazing strays over the years who live with me in my villa, I have now got, one Rottweiller, one Labrador, one Tiny Yorkie and a couple of all-sorts, all of whom are now my family and best friends, but they desperately need a kind and warm MUMMY. The other problem is that they are refusing to learn human and my dog is not very good, so I end up not having anyone to have a good chat to at the dinner table, I love chatting, touching and cuddling, there is no medicine in the whole world that works as quick as a woman's arms around you and her warm breath on your cheek, all of the cares in the world suddenly vaporise into the ether like magic. OK, will this do, please send any complaints on the above written on the back of a postage stamp or a £50 note. Thank you for your time and lots of luck on this site, make sure you keep a little straw and a few sugar lumps inside your front door for your prince charming's horse for when he arrives.

I'm looking for: Honest, kind, relaxed, can show me how to use a washing machine, does not nag, not that I ever need nagging, likes being cuddled and can hold a sensible conversation at the dinner table, does not buy a new outfit then say. ''Oh this old thing, you've seen it a dozen times'' when I know I haven't and can actually see the label hanging out of the back. Tut-Tut. Apart from that, I really would like to meet a genuine nice lady to share my last few years with in a contented and happy way.