So you’ve mastered the basics: you weren’t late and you didn’t try to grope me in the first ten minutes. You get a gold star. But…there are still a few areas that could use improvement. If you can avoid my top ten list of turn-offs, you may just score that second date.
Picking your nose
No, really, go right ahead. What could I possibly be saying that could be as fascinating as the contents of your nostrils?
Snarling at wait staff
Listening to you berate a flustered server for omitting the raisins on your spinach salad makes me wonder how you’d treat me if I stepped out of line.
Knocking me down to open the door
And they say real gentlemen don’t come cheap. Thanks for holding the door open, but next time could you not punch me in the face to get to it?
Fiddling with your cell phone
Wow, your cell phone is oh-so fancy, with internet access and a 10-megapixel camera! Good for you. Will you put the damn thing down already?
Adjusting your crotch
Not really sure how men are allowed to graduate from high school without learning this. Quick refresher: Don’t grab your bits in public. Just don’t.
Insisting on coming to my house
What, do you want to check out my pad so you can decide whether you’d rather seduce me here or at your place? I said, I’ll meet you at the restaurant.
Letting me make all the decisions
If I wanted to choose the restaurant, pick out our entire meal, and arrange an entire night’s entertainment, I’d go out by myself. Next time, I will.
Practicing “good listening skills”
Thanks for saying my name every four words, making sustained eye contact, and repeating my words back to me. It wasn’t too obvious or anything.
Being too formal
Wait, I thought we were just catching a quick coffee. Why are you dressed for the prom? And sure, the flowers are pretty…but you’re creeping me out.
Snatching the bill out of my hand
Ouch—I think you broke my nail when you grabbed the bill away from me. Can you just say, “I’ll get this,” next time? Oh wait—there is no next time.
If any of these items made you mutter, “I do that all the time—what’s the big deal?” then sorry, but no bananas for you. Try harder next time.