couldhappen: Dating sites are a hoot!

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I’m a jerk. I won’t open doors for you. In fact, I may trip you as you go through the door, just for laughs.

I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess. I have a menu.

I leave my socks and other nasty items on the floor in the bedroom, and yes, they stink. I leave the seat up.

I don’t do laundry. You must LOVE to do my laundry -- almost as much as you love wrapping yourself around my gorgeous body. I think you get the picture.

I don’t do romance. I expect sex on the first date. HOT SWEATY action. I won’t sleep over (we will go to your place because I don’t want you to know where I live). I've had experience with stalkers. It's not easy being irresistible.

Dating sites say I should talk about the following four points, so I will address them one by one:
1. ‘Talk about your hobbies’ – kicking puppies and geriatric cats
2. ‘Talk about your goals/aspirations’ – finding a rich woman or two to take care of me (this should be #1)
3. ‘Talk about yourself and what makes you unique’ – I’m not unique. But I am exceptional.
4. ‘Your taste in music’ – The Cranberries, Enya, Toni Basil, Indigo Girls, Weird Al Yankovic, raunchy 12 Days of Christmas parodies

Um, if you are reading this, you should have figured out that I'm poking fun at this entire profile writing exercise.
If you didn't get it, read the previous sentence.

More About my Match

OK gals, hurry, I'm waiting....…start typing now.

Of course I'm just poking fun at this profile writing exercise. I'm a bit of a smartass.

Occupation

I have a job.

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