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Here I come to find myself – catch the tide.
Looking for a peace at the end of the line
Sometimes I can’t help myself feel the tide
I’m all at sea and so unwise

I’m so afraid I lose your love as time goes by
The courage is a fire – and a beacon's so bright
The sunset builds a memory - our love signed
And all I see becomes a lie

Will I wash away - turning like a stone?
I need a place where I belong!
Call a setting sun to throw me down the road
And take me to a place called home

I close my eyes I know you’re there – love of mine
Standing on the shore in a world I designed
The sunset fires a lonely flare into the sky
And all I see we say goodbye

Will I wash away - turning like a stone?
I need a place where I belong!
Call a setting sun to throw me down the road
And take me to a place called home
Looking for a place called home

Will I wash away - turning like a stone?
I need a place where I belong!
Call a settïng sun to throw me down the road
And take me to a place called home
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Crazy Journal of My Journey to Dubai (2)

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On board I ate everything without fearing that I would gain weight. I had paid a lot for the tickets. So I felt fully justified in eating whatever they served me. I think I know now why many people steal blankets provided in their flights. I wished I could but two flight attendants sat in the seats opposite.

Safe and sound I finally arrived at the Dubai International Airport. My friend picked me up before driving me to the hotel I had booked online. The weather was nice - cool winds blowing all the time where the country I had departed from was as hot as an oven.

Situated in Discovery Gardens, the place I stayed was a serviced apartment. I upgraded my room to Deluxe. Even now I still don't know why on earth I needed a bigger room with a spacious living room, big kitchen plus three telephones and two large-screen LCD televisions when I stayed alone. I blamed the global warming for making me say yes when asked if I would not feel like upgrading my room.

Since my friend was too busy with work plus the fact that this trip was unplanned, each day I spent it aimlessly but with full freedom. I walked alone. I went shopping alone. I cooked alone and must eat what I wasn't sure whether or not it was edible alone.

Not far from where my hotel was, there were a few supermarkets. Dubai is full of supermarkets. I don't know why, but I enjoyed going there. I truly thanked those who opened supermarkets close to my hotel. Without the supermarkets, I would not realize that fun was out there and many guys there were into weirdness.

The first day I went to a supermarket, I bought a lot as if I was going to throw a party for all the guests on the same floor. One trip to the supermarket wasn't enough. I needed two. I came back again less than one hour. People there seemed to be impressed with the number of my shopping bags.

Since I could not find any products of Thailand, I bought what I assumed could replace them. One of them was an oyster sauce for stir-fried dishes. Mama Sita from India proudly presented her Oyster Sauce and I, a Thai tourist in Dubai, hesitantly added her sauce in my cook. I swear I added just two tablespoons but the result looked like an oil tanker had capsized in my wok.

Cauliflower and chicken turned black. That night I must eat boiled eggs and wet rice. Mama Sita, if the black sauce was the result of the main ingredient, which is oyster, I wonder what you feed to your oyster before making the sauce. I must taste it to be sure that it's an oyster sauce, not petrol mistakenly bottled.

The highlight of my trip happened on the way to my frequented supermarket. I must say that I was quite popular there when in Thailand I am popular with only dogs and loonies. If there had been only camels walking in Dubai while the women had been kept indoors, I would have fully understood why many guys looked at me that way. But I didn't see any camels and I saw many women outdoors, mostly from the Philippines and India.

That's how I was approached by Messy Car. It happened on the third day I was in Dubai. I walked past my frequented supermarket to kill boredom. Messy Car saw me from his bedroom window. He told me later he must talk to me.

I was stopped by a man who wanted to know where Building No. 92 was. I said I had no idea because I was a tourist. He asked me where I was going. I said Flavors, it's the name of the supermarket. He said he was going there too before inviting me to get in his car.

I said it's ok and I could walk. However, Messy Car asked me if I did not trust him. He said he was a good man before showing me his card issued by a big shopping mall not far from where my hotel was. His clean look convinced me that he should not be bad. In addition, I have heard that the muslim law and punishment is strong. So I accepted his offer against myself.
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My 10 Days in Dubai

Miss you all. hug I'm back from Dubai after 10 days there.

Enjoy the music. Nice one? Stine Grove is my favourite female vocalist.

Played this track repeatedly while waiting for boarding.

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What Am I Doing Here?



So lay me down awake no sound
And I dream about you.

In worlds far away
Can't remember,? can't forget
Let the street lights guide you.

And I will take you there set you free
Let you go
Then come back to me

And here's where? I wait
Counting hours and the days
I can't tear myself away

So lay me down awake no sound
And I dream about you.

In worlds far away
Can't remember,? can't forget
Let the street lights guide you.
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Say Yes



Despite this broken heart
Save the unrequited love for a new start
Today is a gift and you are a survivor of the past
Never forget there’s still tomorrow awaiting many broken hearts.


Hide your feelings
Hide what you are thinking
Take longer time to learn more
Never jump on it as before
Sweet words are camouflaged
They are not straight from the heart.


Someday a new love may come to you
And someday the same love may leave you, too.
Someday you may be blessed with happiness
And someday you may be bruised with sadness, too.

Someone who says how today they love you
Can be the same one who tomorrow says they no longer love you, too.
Remember how today love hurts you
Cuz tomorrow the new love can even hurt you double, too.


Prepare yourself for tomorrow’s pain
Never love with all your heart again
Love is the most trivial matter in our lives
Without love we are still alive.


Thanks for being single!teddybear
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My All Time Favorite Commercial Ad

The guy, half Belgian - half Thai, is cute, isn't he? wink

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E-loan with Idiot

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Opened Yahoo to find a request from Pete asking me to add him on my contact list. I didn’t hesitate to reject it. No idea why he resurfaced after a long silence. He probably wanted to borrow my money again by making it look cool through the online system like e-Learning, e-Business, e-Commerce, etc. But his would be e-Borrowing. And I would say, "Now your e-Loan application has been rejected, idiot!'

I was a fool once to him, but no more because I’ve learned my lesson. But isn’t it strange when you have known someone less than one week but you borrow a lot of money from them? Maybe it’s even stranger when you have known someone less than one week but you lend a lot of money to them. That’s me.

Freak wasn’t happy because our Programmer (Pokemon) didn’t want to talk to her. She rang Pokemon when the latter was extremely busy fixing (worsening?) some program. Pokemon told Freak to talk later if her matter wasn’t u
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The Middle

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The following day my boyfriend called me to ask me about my weekend. After hearing that, he got mad. I should understand why. His ex had said the same thing and she got an affair with her boss. He assumed I must be the same. I hated when he acted like that. I wouldn’t explain anything as long as anger overwhelmed him.

He said he wouldn’t contact me again. I said fine but I told myself he’s just in a rage. And if he wasn’t calling me, I would call him – I got his number. Normally, he called me because he knew I didn’t have a cellphone and staffs were not allowed to use office phones for external calls. But the following day some pickpocket took my wallet on the way to my work. His number was in it.

I didn’t love him but I liked him. Between us there’s no intimate relationship. Still, each day I was waiting for him to call me. My waiting started from one day to one week, one month, one year and three years. My endless waiting came to an end when another guy told me to give myself one more chance with him. He was my second boyfriend. We broke up three years later.



That’s when I started looking for Frawco again. I knew not many things about him and it’d been six years since we separated. I remembered the area name where he lived. But it’s not his property and he might have moved out. I had nothing to lose. I used to call his home once or twice so I started looking for familiar numbers in a phone directory. Years ago the phone directory was thick because it contained all fixed-line numbers in Bangkok.

I turned on each page patiently just to look for familiar numbers and make a call later. But nobody knew him. I turned on the last page but I had not found him.

Remembering that he was a member at a sports club at a luxury hotel not far from his office, I called the hotel for help. The receptionist was a girl. She was extremely nice to me and impressed with my story. She wished she could help but my ex’s membership expired years ago and the hotel did not keep his record.

He used to tell me he knew a manager at a bank. I contacted the bank to put me through to the woman. But it’s against the bank’s policy. I was telling my co-worker about this when a female manager happened to hear our conversations. She came to me saying her friend worked for the bank and she would ask for help.

I finally got the manager’s direct number. She was a manager six years ago but when I called her she’s a director. I told her why I was calling. She said she wished to help but she did not remember she had ever known my ex. I had no luck but I didn’t give up.

I did not know what inspired me to write to a column in the Bangkok Post. It’s a long letter but I had no anticipations. I just knew that I must try every possible way to find him. A week later while I was working, my mobile rang. I answered the call. A foreigner said he read my letter and was so impressed that he must call to wish me the best of luck by himself. I was still confused. He told me to buy today’s copy of the Bangkok Post.

After this line about 10 lines came in and lots of SMS’s. I don’t know if I was unique but all of them had never found someone like me. They said mine was a wow story and they would help me look for the man.

One thing I wasn’t sure about my ex was whether or not he’s still in Thailand. If not, I should try some newspapers in Italy. I didn’t know Italian but they should know English. I selected a few newspapers in Italy and e-mailed them without realizing that they were sports newspapers.
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The Beginning

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What you're going to read is based on my true story. He was my miracle that rarely happened, chose to happen with a particular person and once happened would never happen again.

I met him at Chatujak Weekend Market on one Saturday in July 1997. I was with friend while he was shopping all alone. My friend and I were just loitering there. We stopped at a souvenir shop. I found an item in a basket. I liked it so I reached my hand to pick it up. Another hand picked up the same item at the same time. We automatically dropped it to let one another have it before stealing a look at one another at the same time. Before me I found a handsome guy. He smiled at me and I smiled back before we moved on to different sections.

Chatujak Weekend Market is popular with tourists. It’s one of our famous tourist attractions. Full of hundreds shops, the place is large and complicated. I often found myself walk back to the shop I left 20 minutes earlier. But things were not the same the day I found a man who would become my first boyfriend a month later.



An hour later my friend told me she must go home. Tired, I agreed. While we were waiting to cross the street, I saw him again. This wasn’t usual in such a very large place with ten thousands after one hour went by. He’s standing on the opposite pavement waiting for the green light to cross the street with a big crowd. Among hundreds faces we could recognize each other. The green light was on. We walked past one another. Suddenly, I heard some voice behind me asking to go through the crowd. The voice was closer, and closer and there he was – walking by my side.

I had a crush on Italian guys because of their look. But having an Italian boyfriend was not my expectation. He’s from Venice and ran a jewelry business in Bangrak, which is a prime area of business in Bangkok. On 14 February many couples go to Bangrak District Office to get a marriage certificate registered there because Bangrak means where love happens.

I was 23 and he was 38. We walked and talked like we had known each other for many years. He wrote his name and number on paper. I did not have a cellphone then so I gave him my fixed line number with a little hope that he would be connected because my sister (second mom) was connected to the Internet 24/7. His handwriting was terrible and I read his name as Frawco and I had called him that way since then even when...

A month later I became his official girlfriend. We talked about many things, particularly my work. I told him I disliked it and I was annoyed by my boss who paid attention to the definitions of ‘to’ in my memo and made me revise it about 20 times before coming back to the original version. He would get a position for me at his company or his friend. He would send me to a cooking class. He was planning to introduce me to his family in Italy.

One particular thing I liked about him was he told me where he was going and who he was meeting. I didn’t ask him to, but he chose to do it of his own free will. But our relationship didn’t go far. We broke up in a stupid way three months later.

He accused me of having an affair with my boss after the man made a female co-worker call me for an urgent job. My boss was going to attend a meeting in Indonesia and he wanted me to prepare reports in English for him. I was just 23 and still on probation, so what should I do? I went to the office and worked until 9 pm. There’s no OT payment and I dared not to ask for it.
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Can You Be My Personal Guide?

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I pretended not to see him while others left the scene. It’s not that I was into his look or style. It was obvious that he and his look and style had been enemies for ages. I was at a bus-stop with my mom. I normally didn't want to be with her but she wanted to be with me. This time she didn’t when she saw this guy.

A bunch of construction guys who often annoyed me whenever they saw me disappeared. I must bite my tongue to stop myself from exchanging words with them. They tried to get my attention by saying hello repeatedly. It annoyed me so bad that I wanted to ask them if their mother was a telephone so they kept saying hello to me. I needed mom for this reason – to stop them from being saucy with me.

Those people were not scared by the guy’s look, but they couldn’t speak English. We Thais are afraid of nothing, but speaking English.

At my second office nobody spoke English. But one phase everybody knew very well was "Hold on please". Once a foreigner called us, a girl answered it. She said "Hold on please." before putting him through another girl who said and did the same thing. His line was put through the whole department until it’s transferred to the last girl. But he didn’t wait for her to say it. He said goodbye before slamming the phone down.

At the bus-stop the man approached me. He introduced himself as a man from Pakistan and he expected me to introduce myself. I sat still. I chose to be rude in this situation. I didn’t want to know anything about him, so why should I tell him about myself. Losing face, he changed the subject. He said he’s going to a shopping mall on the outskirts of Bangkok. He asked me if I could be his personal guide. I said no I couldn’t.

He asked me which bus number he must take. I simply replied ‘24’. He asked me if I worked for XXX company. I said yes. He asked me which division. I said ‘Overseas Training’. A bus no. 24 was coming. He saw it too. He said thanks honey before getting on the bus. But it’s not the end of the story. It’s true the bus number was 24, but this one was not running to his destination. It would go half way before running back to the terminal station.

He was standing near the automatic door. I was trying to wave him down like crazy. He thought that I was so sad to see him leaving without me by his side, he looked at me and blew millions kisses to me until the bus was out of my sight.

The following morning I told my supervisor the story. Her desk faced the office door and I sat with my back to the door. Suddenly, she lowered her voice and told me not to look back. I asked her why. She said she thought that guy was here and he’s looking for me. I asked her what I should do. She said the only safe place for me that she could think of was under her desk.

I said it’s messy with her hundred shoes, food bags and stuff. She said if I wanted to survive I must hide there because she believed he’s here to take revenge on me for sending him to the wrong bus. I argued it’s his pure stupidity. She told me to go down now as he’s entering our office and looking around.

I had no choice if it’s the only safe place for me. My supervisor said she would report the situation closely. She said I should be safe as long as nobody greeted him. Suddenly, she exclaimed "Shit..." I asked her why. She said a guy was approaching him to offer help after he had attended an English course.

The wanted to use what he had learned. My supervisor reported that the Paki guy said "Personal" and the Thai guy said "Follow me." The Paki looked confused but followed the Thai guy who took him to another guy called Mr. Prasert. Mr. Prasert kept asking what while the Paki guy kept saying no and leaving furiously.

Obviously, the Thai guy wasn’t familiar with the accent and as a beginning learner he assumed the Paki guy was here to see Mr. Prasert
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Management Powwow (Continued)

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Situation 2:

Freak: Ummm...ahhhh...errrrr I want to talk about our work schedule on Saturday. I think we need more cooperation.

Pokemon: Very good to remind me of it because I want to talk about it too. It doesn’t mean that I’m here to help Business Service staffs work just because there’s one staff per department on my Saturday schedule. And you have no right to tell me to help them work. I have my own work to do. Last Saturday I was extremely busy running rebates but you kept telling me to key in new applicants’ info.

Freak: But it’s about thoughtfulness and Born to Eat works busily (and eats everything up) all alone.

Pokemon: What about me? I work busily all alone too. You must be informed that on Saturday there’s just one staff per department. That means they must be fully responsible for their department. And don’t talk about thoughtfulness because I always help them when I’m not busy.

Freak: But Born To Eat works (but mostly and secretly eats) alone and it’s a busy day. Besides, stock must be counted on Saturday (We check stock only on the last working day of each month, not every Saturday).

Pokemon: It’s been like this for years even before you joined us. But Born To Eat has managed to work independently (and eat alone). If you want me to help her, I suggest you learn to take orders so you can help her because it’s directly related to your department. I myself can do that. Everybody can do that. But only you can’t do that. And if there are too many problems, either everybody works on every Saturday or we don’t operate business on Saturday.

Born To Eat: BS staffs used to work on every Saturday but we had every other Monday off.

Lame Duck (Hello??): This sounds practically good. Let me consider it.

Freak: Does this mean we won’t sell products on Monday? (She has a serious problem with her understanding)
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Man in the Rain

It looks like rain here. But doesn't this track remind us of Moonlight Shadow? smitten

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