Having been through some interesting experiences lately, I have been reflecting a lot on my life and myself. I have been happily single for about ten months, except that I do get lonely at times because I am more accustomed to being in a relationship. Although I do like living alone, being able to stay up all night if I want, do what I want, not worry so much about another person and how they are feeling all the time ( which has been my nature).
I read and have studied the bible most of my life, although I am surely not anyone you would even guess to be religious. I have always felt that our purpose in life was to lernto love without cnditions, but am realizing what a tall order that it is. It is so easy to get over concerned about ourselves, focus on things that feed the ego and not the spirit. It is easy ( for me) to get lost in someone else's life and issues and forget to focus on my own.
I have always loved Corinthians in thebible, the center of wisdom about love. And now I have made a regular meditation about love as my daily focus. ANd this is what it is based on:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Since I started that, about ten days ago, I see how I do things. I see my harshness and I see my own self centeredness. Bt I also see that I can chose to turn away from those things and just love. And sometimes I wonder why we choose to suffer with our negative stuff, our negative ego based brain, when we can always, every hour of every day simply choose to love. Although sorting out our own motives can be hard, we relly know inside when we are operating from love or not. We just have to listen to our own hearts.
But there is a lot of outisde noise and I just forget that I choose my own suffering by simply refusing to focus on that kind of love.
The mediatation is encouraging because it makes me realize that we can become like that, loving unconditionally, but it also reminds me that is the work onf a lifetime and yet really it is the work of the moment.
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