CONCRETE AND STEEL
As i look out into the darkness, i can see the rain coming down. lightning lights up the heavens as the sound of thunder rumbles in my ears, but the thoughts that run through my mind seem to block out everything but the sound of the rain as it runs down my windowpane.
taking me back to a time not so long ago, when we lay in each other's arms, listening to the sound of the rain, coming down all around us. my heart becomes filled with emotion and like the rain outside i can feel my eyes beginning to let go their tears.
but i cannot cry, i have to hold them back. i can't forget where i am, nor can i let anyone see my tears flow. there are eye's everywhere, (all around me) and like the predators they are, they seek out their prey. those who show any indication of weakness. (loving, caring, feelings, for others) all signs of weakness, and weakness is not aloud within the pack.
i have to be hard, as hard as stone. in this jungle of concrete and steel, where pain is my drink and suffering my daliy bread. as i sit here with pen in hand, i dream of a day when i can break free from this cocoon of concrete and steel, and once more hold someone in my arms as a whole man.
then together we will once aain enjoy the sights and sounds of what once was our world. after living with the smells of a thousand men and old concrete and steel. i can begin to feel a change taking place within me.
deep down a spark is growning, and it's as if a new life is emerging from the old. one in which my own needs and wants, seem to fade away. to be replaced by those things born of responsibilty and the thoughts that sometimes in life, you have to think about others before yourself.
i'm becoming a new person, changing a little with the passing of each new day. no longer locked behind walls of concrete and steel. but on the contrary, it seems i'm condemned to be imprisoned here within myself as well.
longing for those that once knew me. to meet the me, (within me) but they cannot, moonbeams dance in corners playing on dark shadows, as stars sparkle from up above. another day, another sadness as i watch my life go slipping by.
so i sit here with pen in hand, trying to let go of these feelings that i feel inside. hoping (that in this way) it keep me from being devoured by this eternal darkness that is concrete and steel. while the old me, the me that was selfish and inconsiderate of others, (willing to give up, when things didn't go his way) is dying, backed into a corner with no where to go. fighting to hold on to life.
but unable to, as the new me. (this me that i don't even know myself) comforts to the very end. i don't know what the world holds for this new man, born of concrete and steel. but there is one thing i do know. (and that is ) that this force that is molding me is conceived of the desire to be more than i have ever been.
for the first time in my life i have the desire to be a responsible man. freed not only from these walls of concrete and steel, but freed from the demons of irresponsibility as well, i long to once more feel the warmth of love on my face. but until then i will look out into the night, in search of the storm. listening for the thunder in hopes that when the rain does come.
i will once again hear the tears in the rain and understand that all that i am, and all that i will ever be. was born of concrete and steel.
Carl Cromadey
kcromadey Blog (5)
