I used to think being a "halfie" is like being an outcast. When I was young, I always thought that I was different, more like a freak because I'm not a pure breed. My Chinese grandmother always said that I'm not pure blood and that's why I always get the weird treatment among me and my cousins. Not only my family treat me differently, kids at school also treat me differently because I'm not "pure". Because of that I hated myself, always have low self esteem, and was very anti social.
And honestly speaking, I was ashamed of myself. Because I'm not "pure breed" and I hated when people said that I don't look Chinese. So i tried hard to fit in with the other pure breeds but i didn't really get along with them. I was pretty lost and hated myself.
Until a few years ago, I learned to love myself. I was so stupid to let people lead me into thinking I was a freak, because I don't look Chinese enough, that lead me into self loathing, depression and having really low self esteem.
Now,in fact I'm proud of my heritage.I thank my parents for giving me great genes, and also, God for accepting me for who I am. :)
It hurts to know that your own family doesn't even help you when you're in need. In the end, it was my friend's family who helped. It just pisses me off. and disappoints me. Families stick together, but why isn't mine sticking?
Why am I still sitting here while I'm supposed to get some sleep? Sigh, I've had a stressful week and it's getting to me. I almost exploded at work today .. I don't know how long I can take all this shit. Why am I still walking in a path that I don't like?
And someone I haven't heard from in a while didn't even reply my email. It sucks to be thinking about that person from time to time.. wondering what he's up to.
Unhappy I am, sad I am. Why must everything change? 4 walls surrounding me everyday, and it is damn depressing. I want to laugh again, I want to smile, I want to be able to talk to someone.
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