Single Moms; Green Toes, White Lies, & Pink Eyes

I figured this story is entertaining enough to share with all y'all.... She broke up with me, but I wasn't sure why, so I was sad. I mean really! I can deal with it if I'm not right for her, but, the thought that I might somehow not be a good influence, or at least a neutral one, on her child!?!?!? The thought of that hurt a little bit. It did, at least, until someone spelled it out for me, I just wasn't her kind of guy... I'm ok with that, because the story I'm about to tell you made me start second guessing myself, and it's good to know I didn't do anything wrong.

Here's the whole story, and keep in mind, every word is true, and I still can't keep from laughing when telling this story.

One single mother (Marie) I had known, let me in her little son's (Brian) life after a few months. At five years old, he seemed eager to know me and seemed to listen closely when his family and I spoke amongst one another.

As time went on though, Brian wouldn't stop putting things in his mouth. I could tell Marie was at her wits end. And I, knowing he would believe off the wall things, said to him, "Brian, you should listen to your mother, if you don't stop putting things in your mouth your toes are gonna turn green."

A look of horror struck Brian's face, stunned for a second, he took whatever it was that he had picked up off the floor out of his mouth, dropped it, correction,,,, he didn't just drop it, with disgust in his eyes, he threw it, and immediately kicked off his favorite Spiderman snowboots (which he never, I repeat, never ,took off, even in the heat of summer. Phew! Lemme tell you, those things were pretty ripe sometimes....) and nearly started to cry as he almost tore his socks in two in an attempt to check the color of his toes.

Initially she thought it was funny, covering her mouth in hopes that Brian wouldn't see her laughing and cause him to realize the absurdity of what I just said, and maybe he'd finally quit putting things on his mouth...

Later, it's time for Brian's first days at school, and Marie found out that in only one weeks time, his whole kindergarden class had suddenly quit putting things in their mouths. Parents of other children were awe struck, inquiries and investigations were made. The Tall Tale of Green Toes was the reason.

Long story short. While we were waiting to pick up Brian from kindergarten, we were met with not so nice comments. These were from other parents, intending to make me, a single guy lacking experience with children of my own, feel out of place by saying something like, "A lie like that is uncalled for in raising children". I felt the pressure, don't get me wrong, I felt out of place for certian.

Later, while still involved with her, we find out a very interesting reason that those same children were missing from school for a few days. I suppose those children listened to their parents when they told them not to believe in green toes, and they must have told them not to believe in germs either, because, those very same parents children later developed,,,,,,,a horrible case of pink eye,,,, (You saw that coming a mile away didn't you?)

Anybody that can keep their mouth shut when an opportunity presents itself to say something cynical, deserves a medal. I should have the Medal of Honor for the restraint I demonstrated... After dropping Brian off at kindergarden, we headed back to the car in the parking lot and observed those parents returning their children to school after their doctors said that the contagious germ was no longer a threat to the other children. The in me wanted to say something, but, I just turned to Brian and said "Learn lots today!" then I looked at those parents, smiled, waved at them, opened the car door for Marie, got in the car, and drove off.