My heart-sometimes you need to close your eyes to believe its real. ( Archived) (2)

My daddy- I can't call him when I need comfort cause that fear rises...I am afraid what he might say.
I can love him from a distance and its hard to show the love.Im afraid it's not enough to give him to make him happy.
I Can't ask for anything, not even if the food is gone and only one penny. Afraid, he will point out why I haven't done a better living in this world or why I havent saved every last penny.
My daddy is the reason why I can't ask God or go to him for any comfort. Afraid of the failures in which they will point out. Does anyone just sit and listen, not telling you to swaller it and get over it? Yelling why didnt you do it this way? How would I have known if I wasnt taught? Why the bad name calling? It's suppose to be the parents who bring up the child to where they need to go.
The Hurt hurt the wounded while the naysayers are throwing the dirt. Hurt words won't ever make anyone learn from the mistakes because all they are focusing on is the bad they did and deep down... It's the suffering they are trying to fix.
Therefore, the mistakes that caused the whole turmoil will always be needed to fix until someone says... Let me take it over from here and show you how it's suppose to be done. That gentle voice, hopefully a whispering spirit. God taught me discipline is attached with love,when all I seen was harm. The feeling you have to carry when someone is afraid to love them.How can we stop flinching when all they wanted to do was to touch our hand.
My world has been without a daddy. I seen them on movies and even wished- if only I had a daddy like that. So God, that's what in my heart, that's the way I see a daddy. I see a daddy mean, hard to love cause it might not be good enough. I carried it for many years, questioning- why me? If I was a boy, would you love me.?Im afraid of letting you in and accepting the love you have for me. My heart is really messed up, It's bounded up with chains that has no knowing or power to set itself free.
Im afraid of all the failures they will point out.Im afraid if I try something it will just fail.Im afraid to let anyone close, afraid I might do something wrong. They will leave, my heart will ache. That's the story of my life song!
So my wish to you is for you to show me the God of love everyone and even your word says you are. Don't let me be afraid to come to you and I know you will be gentle if you say no.
Show me the Love and the one who gets delighted suppling all our needs.
I realized God... Its been you! You seem to always be there, and wow... It might not be that day but you always step in after I pray.
My heart is sick! I ache for a daddy. I do need a love.. Will you step in and love me like a daddy?
I'm ready to let you in...if you show me what Love really feels like.This is really tough because hurt was all I ever been.
Love has been my desire .Its Love...thats the aching in my soul- At first, I might have to close my eyes, I trust you- if you tell me to hold on tight, I promise I'll never let you go.