my spirit ( Archived) (6)

In pondering my life this morning, huge questions lay on my heart. What is this existence? Why is it so? What is to be ultimately learned of these paths? And do they truly matter in the end?

The rain falling on the metal roofed cabin , of which I call home. Sitting on top of this mountain, in Oregon. Quietly listening to Gregorian chants, which seem to bring up a sense of god, of spirituality , within my being. Looking out the window, the raindrops heavy laden, falling off the thick leaves of the madrone. Just as bits and pieces of my life have fallen. Alike in their nature, creating an existence. Falling to the earth, dissapating, returning again. Cycling in and out, bringing new life, new hopes and new growth. Again retreating, without warning, leaving my soul to wonder why.

Is but all this born of an illusion? Do our minds create our truths. And in such truths does an illusion live? Knowing that, each person’s perspective, their truth is different than our own. When someone looks at my life, do they see it as I? As they do not live within my world, I have created, how could that possibly be? How can anyone look at me and know my creation, my illusions, My Truths? Unless they were able to look into my mind, my heart, my spirit.

Yes we may be able to identify with certain examples, maybe experiencing alike situations. Never being exact, I still question that. Knowing that I myself have the capacity to feel deep empathy for another, in alike tribulations, is this born , is this learned? If it’s learned, how can that be? As we cannot possibly live within anothers being, knowing , feeling , their own illusion or truths. Within the two, learned or born? And if that is so, then the only answer can be , that it is born.

Born=Brought into life, having special natural abilities or character from birth. If this is so, then it already existed. Existed from? The only answer my truth puts forth, is God. Whatever God is. As I know that electricity exists. I cannot see it. I cannot touch it. I know it exists, by the mere fact of what it does in my life. I suppose the same is for God, in a sense. As I cannot see God. I cannot touch God. But I can feel God or the sense of God, in my being. Not of mind, but of a physical nature deep within my spirit. For if I were to ask with my mind, can this exist? My mind would question as I do everything else. But looking to my heart, it just is. As my spirit feels it. Spirit, a life giving force, a breathe.

In pondering the existence of God. Physical manifestations. A Warmth, a swelling of an energy within. Not of the mind, but of the body. Not an illusion, or truth I have created. It just is.

And so in recognition of all of the above. Born with. Born with experiences that we have yet to experience in this physical lifetime. Yet a knowingness, feelings of, a touch of de ‘ja’vous. Left within our spirits. So, should the question be, was it learned in a past life? Born unto us, in this life. And if this is the truth, then the answer, to, does it really matter in the end?

Must be yes, it does matter. Or why would it have been placed there in the beginning?