Bluebutterfly100 Forum Posts (1)

RE: something about old hurt and new relationships...your opinion please

I used to believe that there was "no right and wrong" when I was younger, but now I am not so sure. I believe that trust and honesty within a relationship with anyone, even your friends, are traits that preserve our respect for each other's dignity and is part of what makes us human. Without them, we may as well be animals acting purely on instinct and whatever feels right in the moment. I know that there alot of people who buy into this relativist approach because it tends to support the ego's desires (that is until that particular ego finds itself the one damaged by someone else's betrayal and then relativism doesn't seem quite so cool).

Having been in a similar situation to the one posted (partner left long-term relationship and v. small children for much younger colleague - nice cliche) I don't quite buy that you wish them well. I don't really with my ex. Not that I wish him harm either, but there is an inbuilt human desire for justice that means I do wish that he would experience the pain of being dumped unceremoniously for someone he can never be again (younger, childless whatever). My husband would never admit it, but he just couldn't cope with the responsibility of family life, he felt "neglected" by me because we had small children, and he basically had an affair to massage his fragile ego. Not cool. Not grown-up. Not responsible. And yet he did choose to marry me, we discussed having children extensively before we had them and we both wanted them. He just couldn't deal with the reality. There is another interesting blog about the 3 stages of love which makes that point that in the modern age we are preoccupied with the first stage of love, physical love, which is why so few relationships make it through to the third stage, unconditional love. I tend to agree with that point.
In any case, you were treated badly, you have friends who are treating others badly and if it helps at all, I seek solace in the fact that, as arrogant as it may sound, I have a deeper understanding of the world, love and life than my ex ever had, or will have. The minute his ego is needy in his new relationship, no doubt thoughts of finding that "adoration" that he is seeking will enter again. I don't wish him well, I wish him the capacity for deeper thought and to be at peace with himself without needing others to make up for his lack of self esteem.