There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Native American: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. She fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. She kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when she was dead, she had to get up because there was work to do.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
A Man and a woman who have never met before, but who are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 a.m. the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am I hate to bother you but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." I have a better idea " she replied, "Just for tonight, lets pretend we are married ".
To a certian point it does Not spelling in general, but when every other word is completley butchered or th3y talk in abrivations and "chat talk" then it's annoying! I know my spelling is horrible, but use English at least not some gibberish! >_<!
hmmm...romantic... I dunno, I love it when we just cuddle, or he can suprise me with something just randomly out of the blue because he was thinking about me...or take me out on a picnick somewhere in the mountians by a river where it's cool but not too cold and private
"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one." "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door."
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, For Gods sake, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Bubba
At 4 A.M. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Bubba
GOOD In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!" The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled! and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
--as an afternote-- An and all names in this joke no matter their closeness to anyone on this site's real name (ine for example) in no way really portrays that person, they are just names!
Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, John, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling John," she whispered. "Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But she was insistent. "John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess" replied the weeping John. "It's all right. everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, John. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." John mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, John, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling John," she whispered. "Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But she was insistent. "John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess" replied the weeping John. "It's all right. everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, John. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." John mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic Churches than casinos (in Vegas).
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting. Then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks. Didn’t even see it coming ... did you?
Becca20 Forum Posts (777)
RE: Alone here on forums:))))
I'm still here!