nice_and_slow Forum Posts (12)

A must READ STory

Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his
funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went
into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real,
and I
had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he
wrote
for our
son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you
before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you
will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can
accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy
now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the
possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your
lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's
suggestion.

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have
accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very
happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves
you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work
and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small
was
written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain
I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I
want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our
baby.
My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would
smile, thank you for loving me. These presents, I'm afraid I cannot
give
them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to
him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the
packaging."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son
over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I
want
our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son
still in
his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the
button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air
as tears slowly rolled down my face...

The end.

A must READ STory

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had
vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks
in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to
sleep in
mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of
groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time,
whenever I
ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out
what
is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten
that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love,
but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was
born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant
products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and
bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying
to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his
actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his
typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web
surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one
late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came
rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had
been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat
off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached
the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying
on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my
mind: In
my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm
eyes
caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming
out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes
tear
with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the
floor.
I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that
tired
eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him,
but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my
body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it
was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to
last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had
cancer?

A must READ STory

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby
came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were
living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the
dead not in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass
window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very
lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After
recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant,
stood in
front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have
nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go,
hubby
stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,
challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one
as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood
that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to
indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each
other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned
home
from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had
returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything
to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my
heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping
his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted
to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I
insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying
mother
for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The
whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there
was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even
looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to
find
peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You
wait
a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes,
just
like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot
cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let
tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy.
I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed
the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could
not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:
"Yes, but
its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing
each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart,
everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could
never reach him. I cannot remember how many times he repeated
"sorry" to
me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his
eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scares in each
other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized
now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other
than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to
my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he
buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped
talking to
him.

+++ thread

A must READ STory

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing
the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank
deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends
to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and
money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming
down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have
a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave
me a
weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is
now
in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and
by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did
not
look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control
the
tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the
funeral,
hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted
stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident
from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in
dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old
house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to
walk
faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit
her.

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not
thrown up
that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am
indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity
and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we
are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in
his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back
in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough
scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at
all.

+++ Thread

A must READ STory

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us,
then
stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a
final
stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days,
hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious,
since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with
her,
what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the
feeling
to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all
the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and
see
a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me
why I
threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that
otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through
this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that
day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only
been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave,
but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called
out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended
that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that
cut
right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that
moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:
"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me
round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in
the
cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even
withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking
about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the
corner of the blanket.

+++ thread

A must READ STory

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and
"Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.
Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not
speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoiled child,
tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him:
"What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just
give
in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl how unclean
it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to
me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the
house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma
as to
who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took
on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any
prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily
eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having
failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing
breakfast
situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:
"LD, is
it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you
chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me
alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some
time,
hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am
left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up
my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I
threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything
out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and
grumbling
very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway
staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no
words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

++++ Thread

A must READ STory

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I
came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her
and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I
come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item
how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even
more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You
little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would
solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle. Mother
hates
it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your
view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the
breakfast
table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a
thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her
chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted
from a
long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that
additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a
deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon
her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep
all
kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on,
and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;
she
would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes
and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again.

+++ thread

A must READ STory

200 THOUSAND WORDS

This is a true story, taken from "Family".

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful
footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy
some
quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly
wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing
became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years
with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.
Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide
for
him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she
suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to
bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a
balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some
greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked
me up
and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me
down, he
said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to
rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any
moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument
and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his
head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became
addicted
to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room,
she
could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young
people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat
the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our
mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and
hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get
use to it."

++++another thread

Life

A 92-year-old, well-poised and proud man, who is fully
dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably
coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a
nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making
the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the
lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had
been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old
having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I
like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .
it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it." It's a
decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend
the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my

body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the
ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on
the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this
time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've
put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in
the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my
memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules
to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Wonderful

Next fall, you will see geese heading south for the winter flying along in a “V” formation.

You might be interested to know what science has discovered about why they fly that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds 70% to the flying range of a solitary bird.

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag/resistance of trying to do it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lift created by the bird immediately in front. If we have the sense of these wise geese, we will stay in formation with those who are traveling the same path as us. When the lead bird gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose takes the lead. It pays to take turns doing hard jobs. The geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

When a goose gets sick or is wounded and must fall out of formation, two other geese leave as well to follow it down. They stay with the goose and help protect it until the goose is either able to fly or is dead. Then they launch out on their own or join with another formation to catch up with the group and continue.

So it is with people who share a common direction and sense of togetherness. They can get where they are going quicker and easier because they travel on each other's TRUST.

Day 11

Im on day 11 now of purpose driven life...and wow...what a revelation.....

Fears

Im a single parent for almost 6 years now...

After getting married to a man whom I believe to be my "romeo"...left me while I was still pregnant..

but that was 6 years ago... I'm more wiser and stronger now ^_^... I realize the purpose of why it happened to me...

So for single parents out there... Don't give up! God will never give you trials that you can't overcome...have faith.... for there's always a reason for everything