My story continued

I have taken strong nerve pills mostly to prevent phantom pain (in my mind only) Before I got the pills in about 1995 I had no medical insuranc and just had to deal with attacks like the"broken legs and the crushed skull that knocked me out cold for 13 and 1/2 hours Much later in 2005 I put myself in the veterans psych hospital . Heaving and rubbing my chest for 48 hour obviously was not a real heart attack. They toook awya my 2 pain killers so I fught it cold turkey. I remember tsitting in a chair when the last gasp for air wasnot followed by the ice pick coming OUT OF (not into) my heart. I beat it to point my mind could block that kind of pain. However the pills do not work 100% of te time. A month or so ago on Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was awakened rough . I was never in "Official combat" (my apology troops) It is just the only thing close to how I woke. No rain or war or need fro silence in my bedroom. I could scream as much as I pleased. Great, huh?

I think 31 times God will not let me die, even when I beg Him. A few days ago I contacteed at high level in Chicago and Las Vegas in hopes that giving a certain name ( Not mob boss John Gotti) I would get a fre head shot. But so far no car has arrived to take me for a quick and easy way out.