A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.
The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said, "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose & glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained & substantial boost of energy. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses.
Depression: Bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make u relax, improve mood & generally make u feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood & so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food & Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure & stroke.
Brain Power: Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes & re-hydrates.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if u suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up & avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Its amazingly successful at reducing swelling & irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate & crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture & smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity & reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical & emotional temperature of expectant mothers
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium & magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain & regulates ur body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if u want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin & place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
Drummond's Bar began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their business. In response, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
After the bar burned to the ground as a result of the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer," until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means."
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire church congregation that now does not."
Here is President Barrack Obama, appearing to either be distracted, or maybe even ogling at a rather shapely female's b0tt0ms. The President of France, Nicholas Sarkozy, appears to be watching him, with a smirk on his face ! Well, no harm done. After all Mr. Obama is also just another man, in addition to being a President ! But then just imagine ........ If President Obama was a bit more naughtier, like the Italian President Berlusconi, what he would have done .......
A keen immigrant Memon lad applied for a salesman's job at London 's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world -- you could get anything there. The boss asked him, 'Have you ever been a salesman before?'
'Yes sir, I was a salesman in Karachi in Pakistan , replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, 'You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you.'
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 pm came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, 'How many sales did you make today?''Sir, Just ONE sale.' said the young salesman. 'Only one sale?'
blurted the boss. 'No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. ' If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way 'How much was the sale worth?' 'Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four pounds' said the young Memon
'What? How did you manage that?' asked the flabbergasted boss.
'Well', said the salesman 'this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sell him that new Deluxe SUV 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about 100 pound sterling worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, 'You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!'
'No' answered the salesman, 'he came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife. I told him, 'Your weekend is screwed any way, you might as well go fishing.'
It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a €100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes €100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay €100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the €100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she owed the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his €100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small town people look optimistically towards their future.
COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis? Or, is there a catch here?
French & Americans - Accept my apology in advance before reading this
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle...
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my Honor! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window.
At a fund raising dinner 4 a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of 1 of the students delivered a speech that would never b forgotten by all who attended. In his speech, he told the following story:
Shay (My son) & I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play? I knew most of boys would‘t want some1 like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood dat if he were allowed 2 play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging & some confidence 2b accepted by others in spite of his handicaps
I approached 1 of boys on field & asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. boy looked around 4 guidance n said, 'We're losing by 6, game is in 8th inning. I guess he can b on our team & we'll try 2 put him in 2 bat in 9th inning'
Shay struggled ovr 2 team's bench, with a broad smile put on a team shirt. I watched with small tear in my eye & warmth in heart. Boys saw my joy at my son being accepted
In bottom of 8th inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by 3. In top of 9th inning, Shay put on a glove & played in d right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just 2b in game & on field, grinning from ear 2 ear as I waved 2 him from stands
In bottom of 9th inning, His team scored again. Now, with 2 outs & bases loaded, potential winning run was on base & he was scheduled 2b next at bat. At this juncture, do they let bat & give away their chance 2 win?
Surprisingly, He was given d bat. Every1 knew hit was impossible coz he didn't even know how 2 hold bat properly. However, as he stepped up 2 plate, pitcher, recognizing dat d other team was putting winning aside 4 this moment in his life, moved in a few steps 2 lob d ball in softly so he could at least make contact
1st pitch came n Shay swung clumsily n missed. Pitcher again took a few steps 4ward 2 toss d ball softly 2wards Shay. As d pitch came in, Shay swung at ball n hit a slow ground ball right back 2 d pitcher. Game would now b over. Pitcher picked up d soft grounder & could’ve easily thrown d ball 2 d 1st baseman. Shay would’ve been out & would’ve been d end of game. Instead, d pitcher threw d ball right over d 1st baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Every1 from stands n both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run 2 1st! Run 2 1st!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it 2 1st base. He scampered down d baseline, wide-eyed & startled. Every1 yelled, 'Run 2 2nd, run 2 2nd!'
Catching his breath, he awkwardly ran towards 2nd, gleaming & struggling 2 make it 2 d base. By d time he rounded towards 2nd base, d right fielder had d ball. Smallest guy on their team who now had his 1st chance 2b d hero 4 his team. He could’ve thrown d ball 2 d 2nd-baseman 4 d tag, but he understood d pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw d ball high & far over d 3rd-baseman's head.
Shay ran 2ward 3rd base deliriously as d runners ahead of him circled d bases 2ward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all d Way Shay'
He reached 3rd base bcoz d opposing shortstop ran 2 help him by turning him in d direction of 3rd base, & shouted, 'Run 2 3rd! Shay, run 2 3rd!'
As he rounded 3rd, boys from both teams & spectators were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'
He ran 2 home, stepped on d plate & was cheered as d hero who hit d slam & won d game 4 his team
'That day', said d father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love & humanity into this world'
Shay didn't make it 2 another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being d hero & making me so happy & coming home & seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of d day!
PS: The crude, vulgar, & often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools & workplaces
Correct timing to drink water, will maximize its effectiveness on the Human body.
Two (02) glass of water - After waking up - Helps activate internal organs
One (01) glasses of water - 30 minutes before meal - Help digestion
One (01) glass of water - Before taking a bath - Helps lower blood pressure
One (01) glass of water - Before sleep - To avoid stroke or heart attack
Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.
Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of Spoonful of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.
Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if you want a stronger taste of garlic.
Reheat Pizza - Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.
Expanding Frosting - When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.
Reheating refrigerated bread - To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food Moist and help it reheat faster.
Newspaper weeds away - Start putting in your plants; work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, Put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.
Broken Glass - Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
No More Mosquitoes - Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.
Squirrel Away! - To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.
Flexible vacuum - To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
Reducing Static Cling - Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and ... At DA! ... Static is gone.
Measuring Cups - Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such As peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
Foggy Windshield? - Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
Re opening envelopes - If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.
Conditioner - Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.
Goodbye Fruit Flies - To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
Get Rid of Ants - Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
By Marie Jackson - BBC News
Joanne Fraill, the juror who contacted a defendant on Facebook, is facing a spell in jail for contempt of court when she is sentenced later on Thursday.
She has learned the hard way, but for the rest of us there are some essential "don't s" if you want to stay out of trouble on Facebook. Don't...
Read more at
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request (Course time is Four to Five Hours).
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match
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